A Walk to Remember

Walking with my love in the morning is something for me to treasure. A walk followed by a short jog have become our routine for sometime now. It takes about an hour; so we have time to take the kids to school or wherever they need to go during this school break and make a quick dash to beat the punch machine. Yes my office is still using that old musical punch machine that gives you red for being late. It really  bothers me  but do it anyway for the sake of work ….whatever. I personally think it is ridiculous. The weather was perfect this morning; cool and quiet. The moon was still there when we started out; the full moon was barely visible before the sunshine took over for the day. It was really great to go out early in the morning and feel the freshness of the air. And more importantly to be alive to start another day in a long journey called life.

Walking ,in the UK for example, is a big deal. At first I did not really get it but as you heard the explanation it started to make sense. I mean it was something about their habit that then became a tradition to walk when the weather gets warmer especially in the Spring. They do the walking through the countryside sometime in groups. And when I tried walking in the Spring , it was really something. When all the trees get new leaves on and the landscape goes green, you can feel the joy and the excitement everywhere. And also during the long walk beside talking you tend to hit some stones with your stick and see who can hit the longest. Maybe that’s how golf came to the world. The history says that golf originated in Scotland; so that walking tradition might contribute to that in some ways. I mean people in the UK go to court for this walking rights. Some of them got summoned for trespassing a private land. They fought and won the case as the court found the path has been used for a long time (by their ancestors); so we are talking about a long tradition of Spring ritual. In the city they do the walking by means of parade. In Northern Ireland they fought to their death for this annual ritual.

So the phrase “ let’s go for a walk” that we can find in a movie or read in a novel has a bigger meaning to it. A therapy of some sort to have a private time together between two persons; mum /daughter, father/son, husband/wife etc. It is the time you slow down the pace of your life for a while. There is no need to rush just take one step at a time and enjoy the company. So beside the time and a partner, you also need a good environment; clean , green and settled. With our tropical climate it is easy to produce the green landscape but one thing that bothers me a lot is the rubbish and the dirty environment. The “tong sampah” are usually placed along side the path by the road side; and most of the time they are filthy beyond imagination. But not in Shah Alam where the environment is always clean and we respect the good habit by reminding ourselves, our kids and even our community to find a bin for the rubbish. Sadly in the other part of Malaysia where the town council is not in order or the attitude of the local community is not “good”, this thing still happens.

Anyway, maybe you think walking is trivial and old-fashioned, but try it anyway with your loved ones (like your mum/dad/wife) and treasure the moments that you will remember for the rest of your life.

"artificial" Singapore

Crossing over the causeway brought us to the land used to be our place. Not anymore—physically or otherwise. It has become so foreign even the resident seems to be out of place. An old balding Chinese man with shorts ,slippers and a plastic bag walking along a well-manicured pedestrian path with a sophisticated building at the background, so contrast of each other that I wondered if the connection between the two has lost. It seems that everything around this place is built for someone other than its own people. I followed the tree line as we move along the highway with the road signs displayed in English with some traces of Malay heritage. Maybe that’s all what is left from the yesteryears when the place was used to be our hulubalang playground. I wonder if that would also be of us in the future when Malay culture would become a heritage of some long lost tribes of the past. I refused the analogy to be refuted and justified. We are different, I assured myself of the circumstances. But how different? No good answer to that, I supposed. But to tell you the truth I don’t see anything here which is better than back home, nothing excited me and nothing to be looked up for. This place is so artificial that I would be rather living in my kampong than putting up with all this hiked-up modern city. I want to be in a place that I can call home. You know like my place in Shah Alam where I can go back , put my feet up and feel so “saved” at the end of the day. It’s not an “anjung seri” interior but it’s my place, my home.

But some people would go all the way furnishing their house with expensive sofas , magnificent dining table and luxurious decorations so to entertain the guests. Maybe that’s what happening in Singapore; everything is done for the guests not its own people. The locals are tucked into the flats and housing estates as if they are the shame of the country. I smiled for I have never been so proud of my country, Malaysia. We are doing alright. I noticed how the faces of the locals have become everything but their own. The Chinese, Indians, or Malays without race identity as if they have become a new race of the land----or given up as someone told them to. It happened during the colonial time, so I can accept that. It happened when you were in a foreign country. So we do out of respect. But why does it happen in your own homeland? The words “ slave of the states” keep flashing up without warning; but not sure whether that’s a good thing or bad. I guess they keep the colonial yard stick to this very day and read it like some kind of a holy book. Can you imagine to see a Chinese boy who could not speak a word of Chinese; and told the Chinese couple to read the instructions themselves. The instructions were obviously in Chinese. Within that boy I could see a new generation that has lost their heritage and done away with history. Maybe they want to let go the things of the past for it has brought back nothing but a painful reminder of the brutalities they endured to defend this land.


I moved on to see the fish, the big crabs, the sharks and the jelly fish. I waited for the dolphin show only to find the tricks were outdated (I saw that more than 25 years ago in LA). The seals were also as old as myself. I was bored to my stomach could not even have a mood to snap some photos.

Could not get into the Universal Studios because the tickets were sold out. But again I supposed all the rides were at least 10 years old. I left the place angry to myself…..fooled by the belief that my place is not any better than this one.

Filling up the long school holidays

Whether we like or not our life revolves around the school breaks. All of the sudden the roads seem empty and not as busy as they always do. And the kids are every where, doing nothing. They play along the busy road, waiting for the bus that is nowhere in sight or filling up the parks doing everything other than jogging. The rest would be sleeping at home.

My kids’ school break whereabouts will be as follows :

#1 : Away at the college until Dec. + her own trip visiting friends + BTN.Settled
#2 : Busy with SPM + PLKN. Settled.
#3 : still no plan; refuses any tutorial.
#4 : Math tutorial twice a week; Tun Uda Mosque program also. Settled
#5 : a one-month program at Tun Uda Mosque Shah Alam + swimming at weekends. Settled.

School break Trip : Singapore.

Hopefully by next week they will be fully occupied.

Thinking of Family and Friends

The rain came early this year. My concern goes out to family and friends in Pasir Mas, Wakaf Bahru and all over Kelantan. The heavy rain will come with devastating flood and agonizing days of glooming weather. I pray for their safety and strength. Flood is very common in Kelantan and the neighboring Terengganu as it is the end-of the-year event. But ironically I don’t see any massive effort to minimize its consequences. As if every year as fate has it, the people of Kelantan and Terengganu will face this disaster to wrap up the year. The rescue efforts will pop up during the prime time news bulletin to show some big people riding the speedboat like some tourists from a foreign country. But the people are used to all these and never expect anything more to come and give them a sincere help. We moved our cars, cows and other animals to the higher ground and hope for the best. That is our solution to the problem which is not very good at all but what else to do. They want to build a 100-storey building that costs billions of ringgit and despise the agony of the people; what a schmuck! This is one of the reasons why the people of Kelantan never trust those politicians from KL.

I was shocked to find out that my friend Abd Latif has passed away. He was my colleague in UiTM Dungun as well as my student in an MBA class. He was very friendly and easy to get along. May Allah accept him among the soleheen. Good bye my dear friend!

Yesterday we were delighted to receive the news that two of my colleague from FSKM have been promoted to professor. Prof Dr Nor laila and Prof Dr Azlinah Mohamad. What a great news! They both deserve the new title. Both of them work very hard and have contributed a lot to the academia. Congratulations!

Many of my friends are also going for hajj.Alhamdulillah. It’s not an easy thing to do so being chosen to have such opportunity is very lucky. Many of them are among the million Muslim converging in Mecca. They will go and come back with thousands of tales and stories. But the most important thing is whether they learn from all those stories.

Mak! - my Mother

My mother is still strong and healthy for her age. Mak is 68 this year. Her hearing is going away now and we have to shout when talking to her. I don’t like to shout because I will shout only when I am mad. And when I am mad the world will go upside down. So in the house when Abah shouts everyone will go into hiding including the little kittens. But anyway, I have little chance now to go back and visit Mak very so often: I would call my sisters and brothers to find out about Mak. She raised all twelve of us quite successfully. With little skills she has, life had been very difficult. But alhmadulillah we are all very grateful to her and love her very much.

Mak
My love to you …
could not be spelled in words
or calculated in numbers
or valued in dollars and cents
or weighed in kilos
because your love to us
your life spent and sacrifice
far beyond
any worldly measures
may your name carved
on the heaven’s gate
taste the water of al kauthar
meet the beloved prophet
and receive the blessing from the Lord

Mak
Now I know the meaning of life
When aging is catching up
The knees tremble without warning
The joints squeak with every move
The walk is longer than ever before
The eyes scramble for a focus
And the loneliness that comes day and night
The stare over the horizon
Brings the promise of hopes
for my children, your grand children
could they run and chase the rainbows ?
as you ran with me when I was little
now I know where the tears came from
that ran down your cheek
every time when I asked my school money
it was not there, was it?
So you made a quick dash to the neighbor’s
For 20 cents to accompany me to school
I pray to Allah for forgiveness
For such troubles that made you sad
For every tear drop to be your good deeds
…and the key to the heavens

Mak
I dreamt of arwah Ayah a lot
He seemed happy
He gave me a smile
I remember his last days
When you cared for him…night and day
For the sickness that strange to us
For the pains that never went away
It was hopeless…but you never gave up
We were confused…but you showed us
…that love was never meant to be understood
For better or worst….you assured us that
….he was our Ayah
To love and cherish until his last breath
….when Ayah collapsed on your laps
The morning that we lost him…forever
I know you love him very much….we all do
I truly miss him a lot
Hope my du’a is answered
For him to rest in peace
The dream is a reminder…maybe
That death is close…to us, you and me.
So we should be more prepared….to meet the Lord

Mak
Today I want to tell the whole world
That my mother is awesome!
The best mom in the entire world
And we are blessed…
To have your hopes and prayers
As the wind…beneath our wings
Flew us high beyond our expectation
Took us to places we never dreamt of
Gave a good life

……..thanks Mak! we are good now…….

Read my other tributes for Mother's Day here and here

A Good Weekend …

1. Jogged a good distance with my wife(Sat and Sun).
2. Attended akikah at my friend’s house.
3. Did not spoil the class lecture although I had to wait for one hour for the students to turn up(Yes one hour!)---weekend class for part-timers is so pathetic!
4. A good reunion in the evening.
5. My daughter Aqeelah was back for the weekend with friend.
6. Took Ariefah to her drama practice.
7. Dropped Ahmad at his friend’s
8. Roasted chicken for lunch.
9. Successfully put up two blinds at the front porch(my primary weekend project)
10. Cleaned up my little garden (favorite!)

11. Drove Aqeelah back to college.
12. Picked up Ariefah and Ahmad back.
13. Stayed for kuliah Maghrib---a good one
14. still have some money left in the bank account (usually it’s gone before the actual month has not even started….)
15. and still got sometime to write up this blog

Nothing fancy but I like it because it’s STRESS FREE----isn’t that what “weekend” is all about!

Beautiful Silver Hair Monkeys at Bukit Malawati

Bukit Malawati is located in Kuala Selangor about 45 minutes drive from Shah Alam. We had an opportunity to drive up there for a breath-taking view of Kuala Selangor. We were welcomed by a group of silver hair monkeys. They were aggresive but not dangerous at all (I think!).

 

 

 

At Pusat Sains Negara (National Science Center)

 

an ancient astronomy equipment used by great Islamic scholars

  

another astronomy equipment

 

the planet earth

 

One of the scientists portrayed in the gallery;unfortunately not many Islamic scientists being posted in the  gallery. I guess the Science  Center is still run by the western minded  people where Islamic scholars have little reputation in the scientific world. and the shool children came to the Center by bus loads. Very disapointing indeed.

 

The molecules stacked in the corner more like in the scinece lab storage room rather than a science center. 

The chemistry elements, I have forgotten some this stuff but still find it very interesting.

  

The planets

 

My children trying out the jigsaw puzzle of Monalisa

  

I don't really know what this  face is doing in the  Science Center. Looks like an old  chinese medicine man or something

  

The big eye ....

Ahmad claimed his manhood and ……PSP!

My son Ahmad got circumsized today and we grace for a stormy night tonight. We have postponed for him to get cut a few times but he finally agreed a few days ago…with a prize of course.—a PSP.(PlayStation Portable) We managed to control his anxiety by not talking about it and not telling anyone until the last minute. No ceremony whatsoever as we believe that such ceremony will only get him scared and panicked. Usually in Kelantan we do pulut kuning (yellow rice) also called pulut semangat to retain the spirit of the event. It’s a bit of cultural thing that still being practiced in a smaller scale. Ahmad maintained himself until the time he was laid down on the operating table. He was spread eagle and looking rather calm. I was started to get nervous when the procedure started to take place. When the needle got into his skin Ahmad now realized that the hell’s gate has just opened. The grin turned surprised turned panicked turned painful……………..screeaaaaammmmmm! Luckily it was not long as the anesthetic got into effect and numbness replaced the pain. He relaxed himself and looked up at me with his usual long grin. So everything is gonna be fine except me that I started to feel nausea with all the blood and the smell.

I sat myself down while holding Ahmad just to let him know that I was still there and went back to the time when I was about to be cut myself. As a boy I knew when the time was right to get the cut. I made plan with my cousin and set a date. We told our parents and they agreed to take us to the Tok Mudim’s (the dick cutter)house. I remember to get an injection before I was placed on a banana trunk. A lot of people tried to poke their stupid faces in between my legs as I was lying there naked, scared and helpless. The procedure finished as quickly as it started and we were off heading back home by the late afternoon. When the pain killer subsided, I felt like I was sliced alive over and over again. So painful that I just could not imagine how Ahmad will manage his pain later that night.

After one hour we left the clinic and went home while Ahmad started to feel the pain. By night when the painkiller was completely off he screamed on top of his voice. I knew this would be coming and graced for a long night. We gave him another dose of medicine and that eased the pain a bit and he dozed off for the rest of the night. In the morning the pain was back so we pulled out the biggest painkiller of all---his PSP. He gave us a long grin; we knew he’s no longer in pain.

Happy Birthday Maryam

May 2nd, 1999. Maryam was born in the midst of my PhD crisis in Colchester, Essex. It was nothing good coming out of my research and things had gone from bad to worst. I guess she was the blessing in disguise; an answer to my prayers in Mecca for Allah to help me ease this mind and soul that was going haywire. The emotional confrontation was huge and sometimes unbearable because I was at the end of my study period but as yet to see the end of it. I felt so guilty for making everyone especially my family feeling bad and disappointed. I could no longer stay in the UK but at the same time could not face my family and friends back home because my thesis was undone. I just did not know whether it will be finished at all. But God works in mysterious ways as Maryam was the answer and sign that things were going to be alright;and indeed they did. AlhamduliLlah.

I think it was in mid morning that this little one had started turning and tossing. But Umi did not expect anything and we went on to enjoy the beautiful Sunday morning at a Carboot sale. By noon the contractions have become too frequent and Umi said it’s time to go, our baby was coming. We went to the Colchester General Hospital around 1 pm after the Zuhr prayer, leaving the others at a friend’s house in the neighborhood. Soon Umi went into labor and Maryam was born without any problem around 6pm. I was there to greet my little girl into this world. She came to save her daddy from going mad. I was thrilled and nothing mattered anymore. I wrapped my thesis up (undone with half-baked no good results) and persuaded my supervisor to let me go into the viva and defend this thesis. He reluctantly signed the submission paper and I went into an overdrive to prepare for the viva. Umi did not spend anytime in the ward; the doctor let her to go home as soon as the procedures had finished. I still feel bad about this because I should have insisted for Umi to stay at least one night in the ward for a good rest. But Umi was strong and I was ultra happy that we agreed for Umi to get rest at home. Everything turned out to be fine , alhamduliLlah.

Three months later as Maryam was ready to travel we had decided to go home. I had submitted my thesis and the viva was planned to be at the end of the year. I had to come back for it. The journey home was hectic but quite fun actually. We stopped by Mecca for Umrah before continuing our journey to KL. We brought Maryam to the Kaabah and even kissed the hajarul aswad. Umi lifted Maryam to kiss the stone as she was so small and sleeping soundly in the middle of the chaotic other hujjaj. Interesting isn’t it, as if I went to Mecca to show my dear Lord that I’ve got the answer to my prayers----You have sent this down to me, thank you my lord. It was sun eclipse when we were there in Masjidil Haraam. We celebrated Una's birthday there but she could not help it and pee in Masjidil Haraam. I just could not forget that incident.

Maryam is ten today. She continues to bless and harmonise us all everytime we go into a crisis. At school she is a muslehah (prefect) ; at home she guards us from the world that has gone mad. We love you very much. Happy Birthday Maryam.

When your life is numbered by the platelet counts …

When Muslim all over the world celebrated the eidul adha, my family and I were fighting for our life. We were attacked by dengue and five of us including myself were hospitalized. I was hit the hardest with my platelet count was down to 9 (normal is 150++). It was painfully scary as the case was classified as fatal. In anytime my blood vessel could burst out and causes internal bleeding. So I was under ICU standby for the whole two days. Alhamd. Nothing bad happened. I hung on with prayers and hopes; and my body pulled it through until the WBC and the platelet count steadily increased. Funny when you are down with the fever; nothing matters except that you want to get better and be with your family and friends. I guess nothing else really matters….your high life, big career, cars, houses, positions or what not….you just never give them a thought when you were down and almost out. You would like to see your family and friends get in touch with you in case you would not make it this time. FYI, I survived the same ordeal last year about the same time. That’s the price we have to pay for moving to the big city such as Shah Alam. I guess now I know what Shah Alam is famous for : one big under-utilised National Stadium and another one is it is home to Dengue; sarang nyamuk Aedes. If not for pecah rumah, then the cerun runtuh otherwise dengue…..where else do we feel safe and sound for our little family.That’s life I guess…live it a day at a time and be thankful for all the things happened during that period of time.

My other family members : my wife and three of our children suffered high fever and were warded for a few days. I wish this tragic moment will not happen again. It was so hard for the children to cope even my wife and I were down to tears for being helpless and just could not do anything to ease the burden. We are thankful and proud of our second daughter Ifah who escaped the fever and at one time was the only one running around the ward taking care of the family. She is one strong lady. Very proud of her. We are also thankful to the neighbors who helped out during this difficult time. And family back home who held prayers for our recovery.

As death was just a-platelet-count away, your minds stormed with people and faces that you wish to see and meet for the last time. Maybe just to say that last word that you hold up for so many years. You flip through the faces as if looking at an album for people you come to know all these years. Suddenly you stop and mark a few faces as if you would come back to them later. What if there is no LATER ! Your life might stop right there and then…and there is no more later. When I realized how precious that extra time is I felt so small and vulnerable. I could not even control my own life…it’s not even mine.

When Love was the only dose to survive ...

These are the emails that I sent and received from my family before and after the viva of my PhD. I returned to Malaysia at the end of the four-year study leave and went back for my viva a couple of months later.I treasure these emails because they captured the moments when I badly needed help and my family was there for me..when love was the only dose to survive .....

---- Forwarded Message ----
To: sam@essex.ac.uk
Sent: Thursday, August 26, 1999 12:30:15 PM
Subject: viva


Hello Dr. Steel,

I'm wondering if you have set up a date for my viva. I'd prefer it to
be end of September or early Oct as I would need as much time as
possible to settle my family here.
I'm having trouble accessing my email from Essex Univ. So at the moment
please contact me through this email.
Thank you.

nordin
---- Forwarded Message ----
From: Steel S W D
Sent: Thursday, August 26, 1999 4:08:45 PM
Subject: Re: viva


Hello

Your thesis has been sent to the external examiner, but no
date is yet fixed for the viva. Are there any times that are
especially good or bad for you?

Sam Steel
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Steel S W D
Sent: Wednesday, October 6, 1999 11:56:00 PM
Subject: Re: viva


Hello

Yes, we have a date fixed. It is the earliest date
at which the internal and external were both free all day.
It is 2.00 on Monday 1 November 1999.

You should get a letter shortly confirming that.

Could you confirm that is OK?

Sam Steel

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Saturday, October 30, 1999 7:10:27 PM
Subject: Message from essex


ASM Sayang,

How to send messages:

send the message to salwanan@yahoo.com Abah will log
in here and read it.



Alhamd. Abah arrived here around 6.20pm. Nothing much
happenning during the journey. The usual things...2
dinners and a few hot waters. No hassle just boring
because used to the kecoh-kecoh with the kids and all.
Got on the bus to Colchester around 9pm and arrived at
12am. Bro Mohd pick me up and stayed there for the
night. In the morning, strange thing happened.Abah
woke up at the usual time (The time when Fajr almot
bye-bye) and after solat put the trousers on and went
out to buy the paper at phil and jane.That 's what I
have been doing before every saturday morning.
Everything is happening subconciously as if I have
come back home from a vacation. Abah just couldn't
hold the tears, this place is not just any place. It
used to be our home. Abah walked down port lane,
passing by our house. The house is still empty and
gliberry keeps the red small gendang yang pecah tu kat
window. Abah stopped by Deby's place and met James,
David and Paul. They have a little sister now called
chelsea. As Abah walked around to phil's and back old
memories are coming back and I don't think it is a
good thing because I'm leaving in a week.

Called Tajul and he told about his problem with the
supervisor. Usual stuff. then go to the university to
study at the library.That's all for now.

Hugs and kisses from Abah to sayang,aqeelah, ifah, una
and maryam.

wassalam.

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Sunday, October 31, 1999 2:46:30 PM
Subject: Re: Message from essex


dear darling,
i've just got back fr. work,solat & straight to the
computer(while feeding maryam)...good to hear fr.
you...wanted to write last nite but couldn't
access...things are ok here(so far)...we arrived fr.kb
yesterday about 3.30 p.m...we stopped at sek sains &
walked home...after that i rang syikin ,then we went
to itm(as usual,punch in then out)...after that ustaz
came to fix the timer...i rang ifah&una...they seemed
to be ok insya allah...ummi cooked soup(what else!)for
aqeelah...and that's it...today(sun)i went to work
with anita...finished my work...bersembang & came
back...that's it.
it's good kak long is here...at least ummi can eat &
solat...this morning i had to leave maryam crying in
the cot just to mandi b'coz kak long is still
sleeping!!!
enough report for the day...actually i've been waiting
for a call fr you...our phone still can't be used to
make any international call yet...
pls call before your viva
we're all praying for you...IA e/thing will be ok...IA
Allah will be with you...just concentrate to your
work...don't bother your mind w/ anything else at the
moment...remember the du'a as well as the one that i
wrote in that notebook in the red bag...
all the best ...hugs and kisses fr. all of us(mryam is
smiling on my lap now)
that's all


lots and lots of love from
ummi and the girls

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Sunday, October 31, 1999 3:09:02 PM
Subject: first telecom


asmk darling,
just in case you need to top up cr w/ 1st tel,customer
service no is: 0800 376 6666 for mrs hassan tapi min
cr is 25 pounds...so rasanya better abah beli prepaid
card kat newsagent...around 10 pounds pun dah
boleh...rasanya kat phil and janpun ada...maybe kat
univ pun ada...just ask...toksahlah beli yg
byk...nanti tak habis pakai...beli yg paling sikit
boleh beli...that's alll.
i'll keep on writing.

love,
ummi

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Monday, November 1, 1999 12:49:01 AM
Subject: miss you darling

asmkm dear,
after getting a phone call fr you i've been waiting for reconnection...tak
apalah...actually the phone rang just after i disconnected the internet...that's why
i asked you whether that's the 1st try or not ...so maybe if you had been trying to
call tak dpt...anyway after balik kerja ummi terus buka e-mail & terus reply your
msg...then dpt your call...lps tu tunggu tapi tak ada ummipun 'jenera' dgn
maryam...sambil dia 'minum ptg'...lagipun ummi agak penat,maklumlah 'bayar dam'
lagi...besok IA bayar satu lagi...
now it's 12.21a.m...ummi masih belum tidur(yalah tadi kan dah jenera)laagipun
darling2 berdua tu dah beradu bolehlah buat kerja sikit...kemas2 barang,buka
komp,dll. I think that'll be the routine...balik kerja ummi akan check e-mail sekali
dan malam ummi akan check sekali lagi...so abah rajin2lah baca(& of course balas)
so macamana prep... ummi & anak2 berdoa dari jauh dgn sepenuh hati semoga abah will
do well...we really pray that there'll be no correction...IA Allah will be with
you...pray to Him....after all those years i really want to be by your side at this
time...to give my strong support as usual...oh how i wish.....so pls
darling,whatever it is we want to be the 1st persons to know the result...i'm
praying for you day & night(I've been praying & will keep on praying...)
baca doa byk2...before masuk baca doa...compose yourself well...present yourself
well...be prepared & tawakkal to Allah...i believe you'll do well...i trust
you...ABAH BOLEH!
kak long has been asking so many questions about you...i printed the letter that you
wrote for her to read...and she enjoyed reading it....
that's all for now...maryam dah jaga...got to go darling
we miss you soooooooo much


love,hugs and kisses from ummi and the girls







----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Tuesday, November 2, 1999 6:58:43 AM
Subject: waiting


asmkm darling,
it's now early in the morning...around 6 am...maryam
woke up early,so i have to be awake as well...lagipun
need to get ready to go to work.
i've been waiting for the news from you till late last
night...didn't realize what time did i go to
bed...anyway i hope e/thing went on fine.

that's all for now dear,hope to hear fr you soon IA

hugs and kisses from
ummi and the princesses


----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Tuesday, November 2, 1999 8:54:12 PM
Subject: going back after all


ASM,

The viva was the hard one. The internal went on very
hard on me.I didn't expect that from him. I thought he
will be the nice guy. The external on the other hand
was very very nice. The verdict was ... pass with
revision.Alhamd I have passed. But this is the worst
kind of pass ;have no choice but to accept it. The
revision should take no longer than a year.

After thinking about the whole thing, I think I'm
going back after all. I could do the revision in
Dungun and communicate with Jeff thru email and post.
Abah just couldn't live like this. I miss you all the
time. Just couldn't live without you. Its true and
Abah just couldn't take it anymore. I will leave on
Sunday InsyaAllah if everything goes well. Even if I
need to stay longer it wouldn't be more than a week or
two. But right now I'm not changing the original plan.

bye.

love you all
Abah


----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Wednesday, November 3, 1999 12:15:06 AM
Subject: from Aqeelah


asm abah,
we have read your e mail.Don,t panic abah everybody in
Dungun is OK.Ummi is OK Aqeelah OK and Maryam.Don,t
let your boss get angry with you abah and after your
finish work you can come back to Dungun.Everybody
hear want you to be a DOCTOR and we all love you.We
are going back to Kelantan with ustaz Mad.And Ummi
cryed a litlle bit.


----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Wednesday, November 3, 1999 1:35:52 AM
Subject: solat istikharah

asmkm dear,
how's everything going on?i've just read your msg but not quite sure...have you got
the report fr the examiners...is it a major correction you have to do or what...
i've told aqeelah that you rang earlier saying that you're coming back in dec and
surprisingly she's very u/standing...we're very lucky to have her as our daughter...

yes it's true that i was in tears...while i was putting maryam to bed she was
writing that letter and when i came out i couldn't hide my red eyes(and she's very
concern)...actually i was thinking of you...i really pity you...after all those hard
work you deserve to get a good report and pass wothout anything major to be
done...we've gone all out ,sacrificing everything...and now isn't it over yet...
darling,
i don't actually know the real sit'n but if you really have to stay there a bit
longer go ahead...don't worry about us...IA i can manage...believe me...after all
those long hard years i'm used to it now...and i think the girls are like that as
well...we just want you to be done...if you think by staying there you can finish
your work,then stay...if you don't want to stay b'coz of us,think again...again i'll
say don't worry about us....if you can manage to get things done before christmas
break,then stay...if you think the progress will be very slow if you're working in
m'sia,then stay....whatever your decision is please solat istikharah...jgn buat
decision terburu2...belajarlah dari previous exp'nces...minta petunjuk dari
Allah...hanya Dia yg maha tahu apa yg terbaik utk kita...ummi & anak2 akan sentiasa
berdoa utk abah...your success is our success...tiada apa yg lebih bernilai yg akan
abah bawa balik selain drp kejayaan itu...itulah yg kami tunggu
selama ini...you have to consider jugak,kat m'sia ni byk faktor2 luar lagi yg akan
'mengganggu' fikiran...you have to be very berdisiplin...kena janjilah tu...
now regarding the flight...if you're coming back as the original plan you have to
reconfirm your flifgt at least 72 hrs before dep.(3 days)...i don't have virgin's
no. but mas adalah i.e 0171 341 2020...if they can't do it ask for virgin's no. fr.
them. daan satu lagi ialah flight fr klia-kb...ummi boleh confirmkan...kalu boleh
abah bagi booking/resv'n no(ada dlm itinerary dok sekali dgn tiket tu)...daan kalau
abah jadi balik kena cakap juga sbb ummi nak minta cuti monday tu...if not mungkin
kena dtg dgn ustaz juga sunday,so tak perlu cuti monday...
again i'm telling you,don't worry about us...as long as ada org jaga maryam tak
apa...sek. pun cuma ada 2 minggu aje lagi..lps ni cuti...kalau the big girls tu tak
nak balik kgpun sue dah kata dia nak dtg...as for me,i can go with anita,everyday
pun tak apa dia kata...pagi2 dia mesti pergi hantar anak gi nursey,t/hari mesti kena
balik ambil anak sek dan ptg dia akan pergi semula & balik 4.30 utk ambil yg kat
nursey tu...
for your info...sek cuti 18/11,puasa start early dec,raya 9or 10 Jan and schools
reopen 13 Jan.
setakat nilah dulu celoteh kali ini...hope to hear again fr. you soon.
we miss you and we love you very much,
ummi and the princesses
1.30am


----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Wednesday, November 3, 1999 5:00:56 PM
Subject: flight

asmkm darling,
hope you're in the best of everything...alhmd we're all ok here...don't worry too
much about us...the 3 of us are ok fine in dungun...and the other 2 in wb pun
alhmd...ummi ring them everyday...don't worry...they're fine and happy there...i'm
worried about you...always pray that e/thing will be ok IA He will be with
us...doalah byk2 semoga Allah tak bebankan kita dgn bebanan yg tak saggup kita
pikul...dan sekiranya kita diuji semoga kita bersabar menahannya...bagi ummi semua
yg Allah buat ada hikmhnya...ummi akan terus bersabar dan terus berdoa...
i've just made the resv'n to kb...IA kalau plan tak berubah abah akan tiba di klia
on mon 8/11 at 6.25 pm...so the next flight to kb is at 10.30 arriving at
11.20...flight no mh1426 confirm.
kak long is doing very well at school...semua markah dah tahu except maths...she did
surprisingly well in jawi dpt 100%,98 for Eng.(dia patut dpt 100 tu)...not too bad
in bm &agama i.e 80+. ..maybe today dpt tahu no.berapa...tak sabar ummi nak
tengok...
besok kami balik in the morning...ustaz kata around 9(pukul 1 pagi waktu england) by
tommorrow afternoon IA kami di wb.
ok dulu...kalau ada apa2 ummi will write again...keep on checking...kalau boleh
before balik tu check e-mail sekali lagi...mana tahu kot2 ada last minute msg...at
the moment ummi akan ambil cuti hanya utk monday 8/11...by tues dah kena masuk
kerja...boleh ke macam tu?kalau tak boleh pls let ummi know so that i can take one
more day...
ok darling...itu dulu.
i love you so much
ummi and maryam

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Wednesday, November 3, 1999 9:59:34 PM
Subject: one more from aqeelah

asmkm
Abah have you seen the other letter i sent. Have you made up your mind abah ? Did
you know cikgu saya said i got nomber six with Rabbani. Are you going to give me a
present .Izzah got nomber twenty four with Wan Muhammad Hanis.
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: salwana hassan
To: salwanan@yahoo.com
Sent: Wednesday, November 3, 1999 10:09:12 PM
Subject: addresses


asmkm dear,
baru2 ni there were a few letters to be posted,they put them in the
envelopes but w/out the add...so now i'm giving you the add...keep them
until you need them...sbb lps ni bila balik kg maybe i can't write as
often as i'm doing right now...
kaneesha : 172 old heath rd, co2 8aq
melissa : 214 old heath rd, co2 8au
itu aje rasanya.

till then,


lots and lots of love from,
ummi,aqeelah & maaryaam
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Salwana Nordin
To: salwana hassan
Sent: Wednesday, November 3, 1999 11:10:12 PM
Subject: Re: one more from aqeelah


--- salwana hassan wrote:
> asmkm
> Abah have you seen the other letter i sent. Have
> you made up your mind
> abah ? Did you know cikgu saya said i got nomber six
> with Rabbani. Are
> you going to give me a present .Izzah got nomber
> twenty four with Wan
> Muhammad Hanis.
>

ASM love,

yes I have read the other letter. but i miss you sooo
much that I have to go back and see you. That's great
.... you got number six. brilliant. what do you want
for your present ? something from england. Tell Izzah
to try harder, she should get better results next
time. What about hamizah? Ok have a nice journey to
wakaf bharu. Baba will be home by sunday IA.love to
ummi ,ifah,una and maryam.

Abah

From: salwana hassan
To: Salwanan@yahoo.com
Sent: Thursday, November 4, 1999 8:53:16 AM
Subject: balik kg


asmkm love,
it's quite early in the morning,everybody's ready incl
aqeelah...actually we're waiting for ustaz...yesterday he told me that
we'll be leaving early...so dia suruh pergi ITM dgn dia...i'll bring
aqeelah along & he'll bring his children as well...dia tgh sibuk lagi lo
ni...masih menyiapkan thesis(i don't know what thesis)so tonight nak gi
kl lagi tu...minta extend for another week...tak siap binding lagi.
so how are you love?are you really sure that you're coming back this
weekend...whatever the decision is i hope it's the best option...if
you're coming back pls reconfirm your flight...ummi will be happy with
whatever the best for us...if i have to sacrifice, i will...i will do
anything for you and the girls lillah...
nanti bila sampai wb tengoklah...if i have the chance i'll write
again...
that's all...take care
with love from ummi and the princesses


----- Forwarded Message ----
From: salwana hassan
To: salwanan@yahoo.com
Sent: Thursday, November 4, 1999 8:54:57 AM
Subject: with love to abah


Asm abah ,
I got your message.I want anything from England except barbies.And one
more thing,please promise that you won't marah me .Next time I
will try to get number ONE


----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Salwana Nordin
To: salwanan@yahoo.com
Sent: Thursday, November 4, 1999 9:09:58 AM
Subject: pesanan


abah ummi nak suruh beli coklat kit-kat (or sth like
that tapi store brand)ke and also penguin,coklat
lainpun tak apa juga...lps tu beli juga biskut
digestive...don't forget the polish for the leather
suite
ASM love,

Baba has bought a lot of choc from tesco, sainsbury
and town. I think it's more than enough. Choc ni
fattening you know, so sikit2 cukup.

love from Abah


----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Salwana Nordin
To: salwanan@yahoo.com
Sent: Thursday, November 4, 1999 11:18:53 PM
Subject: best to balik ....


ASM love,

I think it's best for all that Abah goes home. Not
only that I cannot afford it here ,it is also not
necessary. I will try to finish it back home,
InsyaALlah I can do it. Being here alone is an
unbearable burden for Abah. I know now why Aqeelah has
never seen me cry, because I have no reason to. But
now I couldn't read the emails without tears. sebab tu
jarang balas .... malu kat orang kiri kanan dalam lab
ni. Today is okay sebab orang tak ramai. can hide
behind the monitor. may ALlah help us all.

love
Abah


----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Salwana Nordin
To: salwana hassan
Sent: Thursday, November 4, 1999 11:22:20 PM
Subject: Re: with love to abah


--- salwana hassan wrote:
> Asm abah ,
> I got your message.I want anything from England
> except barbies.And one
> more thing,please promise that you won't marah me
> .Next time I
> will try to get number ONE
>
>

ASM love,

don't worry you are already number ONE to me. and
you'll always be number ONE. be good and help ummi
okay.

love,
Abah


----- Forwarded Message ----
From: "Abu-Bakar, Nordin"
To: "salwanan@yahoo.com"
Sent: Friday, November 5, 1999 2:19:10 AM
Subject: FW: thanks



----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Salwana Nordin
To: salwanan@yahoo.com
Sent: Saturday, November 6, 1999 1:50:42 PM
Subject: from wakaf bharu


askm love...
how are you dear...evrybody here is fine...it's 1
o'clock (a/noon)...maryam & una are sleeping...kaklong
pergi kedai nenek & ifah is watching TV...ummi dtg
kedai kat wisma ni sorang aje...miss abah sgt ni sbb
tu ummi call tadi...nak cakap tulah...cukuplah beli
coklat...brg2 yg tinggal kat rumah abu naif tu byk sgt
ke...kalau boleh bawalah balik semua...kalau tak boleh
nak buat macamana...hari tu kan byk bawak beg...cdng
nak isi brg2 tu...apa yg abah shopping byk sgt
ni?...pandai2lah berbelanja...don't spend too
much...bill yg br.mohd bayarkan tu abah dah settle
ke?clear all the bills and hutang 1st,then you can
spend ...tupun don.t finish all the $...dan ummi hope
abah tak byk sgt 'menenyeh'...tadi tu ummi cakap ttg
'fairy godmother' yg abah beli for kaya's b/day...hari
tu ada sb tanya(I can't remember whether it's una or
ifah) b'coz i can remember you promise to buy for her
b/day...that's why kalau ada chance ummi suruh
beli...kalau tak dpt tak apalah
btw nak tanya abah byk duit ke tu...kalau duit ada byk
ummi teringin nak pakai jam accurist...yg style macam
abah i.e with rotating bezel...kalau kat argos tu
around 30 quids ...dulu berhajat nak pakai bila abah
dah jadi 'dr'...that's why ummi tanya ada byk duit ke
tidak...kalau kena tenyeh tak payahlah... kita beli
bila ada duit nanti sbb now nipun bukannya desperate
nak jam ...yg ada lo ni pun masih boleh
pakai...mungkin boleh beri masa 10th anniversary
nanti????
duit budak2 byk lagi ke?ummi dok fikir kalau abah
still nak climbing frame tu abah order jugak dgn
argos(mmg kena orderpun) tapi bagi alamat tajul,so brg
tu will be delivered to him...nanti boleh dia ship
sekali dgn brg dia(macam imran buat tu)...tupun kalau
abah fikir patutlah...kalau tak tu tak
payah...tajulpun dah dekat nak balik kan?
whatver you do,bereskann dulu urusan2 abah...benda2
lain ni sampingnan aje...kalau jumpa 'kawan2' ummi
kirim salam byk2lah...nailah,auntie,fadhilah & the
others...and don't forget if you go to mahfuzh's
,kirim salam dari ummi and anak2 to his wife and
anak2...
itu ajelah dulu for this time
satu lagi...surat2 yg abah bawa tu dah pos ke...surat
for kaneesha,melissa,carol,mrs webb,cellnet & mana2
lagi(ummipun tak ingat)...dan change of address to
banks
ok ya darling...see you on monday...
we miss you soooo much...una dah start tanya 'where's
Abah...i miss him....'


till then....
love from ummi and princesses aqeelah,ifah,una &
maryam

ASM love,

It's really good to hear from you. I miss you so much.
Jumpa budak nigeria (halijah?) dia kirim salam ke
ummi. nailah tak sempat jumpa, cuma uncle siddique dan
osman saja masa sembhyng jummaat. they all send salaam
to ummi and aqeelah,ifah and una. sempat drop by
kaya's house. say hello and bagi coklat.they were very
happy and surprise to see me. everybody is missing
aqeelah and ifah. tentang duit tu insyALlah adalh
sikit dari refund tu (625 pounds) .cuma check belum
clear lagi jadi kena tenyeh lah dulu kemudian bayar
kedian. baba masukkan dalam account barclays. jam ummi
and fairy godmother tu insyALlah akan baba usahakan.
Baba rasa climbing frame tu biarlah dulu, a bit too
expensive I think. Duit budak2 tu biar dok kat situ,
insyaALlah we can save it for better use in the
future.

that's all. i'll be leaving colchester tonite (sat
night).so i don't think i'd be able to read any more
emails.bye for now.

love and kisses for ummi and the girls.

Abah

you want to go where everyone knows your name ...

It has been a while since I was away from the serenity of sura hujung. The beautiful beaches along jalan pantai has constantly got my heart longing for a holiday. Maybe once again I can draw the faces in the sand or stroll by early in the morning. The kids can run up and down playing with the waves once more. Feeling so miserable at the office or at home with the neighbors. People are just different. Maybe I need time to adjust but the thing is just so painful. Even having tea break with the gang is different. There is no gang here! I haven’t come across people going for tea. Not that these people are more hard working than the rest of us. They disappear and reappear every now and then. The case now you see me now you don’t. Things are physically hard here in all aspects of life. It does not only seem hard and difficult; it IS hard and brutally difficult. But still we see people come streaming in from all places in the country to taste life in the city; just like myself, I supposed. I have been here once before and as far as I am concerned life was much much livelier back then. The simplicity of rural living could not be compared by any standards here. It is the best !. People may seem poor in the village but rich with humane and humanity. I guess I don’t have what it takes to be a city dweller. I am not sure myself but I know where I am supposed to be and would be in the future….back in a small town like Dungun.

My transfer to Shah Alam thought by many as a promotion. I could not emphasize enough that it is not a promotion and it has never been intended as one and I am pretty damn sure it is not one. I was going for different environment as seeing myself enjoying too much and doing nothing with my area of research. It was my intention to come and grow in my field of study but after a few years here I am not sure myself if this place is any better.. I will give sometime to myself to adjust and look around maybe I will find a spot to raise a flag and say “ OK. I am here!”.

I remember that by the second week after the move, we were thrown out of the house that we just rented We just could not come to agree with the tenancy agreement proposed and the owner was not prepared to budge. I guess the days when you moved in and out of the rumah sewa have long gone. People are getting very sophisticated with terms and agreements. Coming from remote village, I’ve kind of forgotten that sweet smiles and humble conversation have no reservation here. Everything must be formal and documented and signed. So there we were, out in the street looking for another place to stay. Not that there is no other houses in Shah Alam, but we need another thing, money. People don’t smile to you without money, literally speaking. What have this society come to be ? So modern and complicated that we forget the root of human existence. Maybe I am in the wrong circle seeing the values that contradict every single principle that I live for. I guess my big task now is to find friends or people that believe the similar philosophy.





Some people say the first impression tells the whole story. I could not agree more. When I first reported duty on June the 1st, 2004; they could not give me a room. Being in UiTM for so many years I kind of understand the situation. Space is limited and with hundreds of lecturers I can really imagine the proportion of the problems. People will hang on to their rooms like a lion defending his territory. I guess it is human nature to fight for a little space to move about, to breed and raise a family. A lion will hunt down any intruder that comes into the territory and defend it with his life. That is the basic instinct in nature. Even human will do the same if being pushed to the limit. However, the mind and the knowledge that shape that mind has made us act rationally. We think about consequences , the good and evil of our actions. We see people around and realize that they are part of our life whether we like it or not; whether they like it or not. Sometime we bump into each other and still remain a complete stranger. I know you from somewhere but could not recall the name. The time has made us so insensitive of each other. Not in any moment that we can sit down and relax other than thinking of rushing here and there to beat the traffic or getting in front of the queue.


The date was 8th September 2004 and for the first time since I came to this place, I feel welcomed and accepted. I am one of “us” now. Perhaps those having the same experience would feel the greatness of such a feeling. There was no ceremony or anything like that but it was one of those days where you converge to a point that meet you with the right people and having the right conversation during a perfect mood of the day. And of course we all enjoy the moment. Maybe others do not realize this magnificent point of time except myself. It was rather important to me that now I can move on and proceed with other things. Being alienated at work, or at any other places for that matter, is the worst challenge that one might have to face. As in Cheers, “you want to go where everyone knows your name”.I guess it is human nature to be accepted by friends and colleagues as part of our social consciousness. After four years here in Shah Alam, I can see my family and I are settling quite nicely. My daughters,Aqeelah, has just finished her SPM and busy trying to find a new place of study. Nabiela is very comfortable at her school in Besut, Terengganu.;and Ariefah, likes her school in Shah Alam and fast making good friends as well as good grades. My other children, Maryam and Ahmad, are enjoying their times at the school. I am not sure whether they learn anything there but for now it is good to know they are comfortable. My wife is getting herself busy with her PhD and I believe it will take some time to get into the rhythm and all, like myself, she will get there eventually. All praise be to Allah for giving us the strength and courage during all those times. So, as Anwar is out trying to form a new government, Obama swept everyone off their feet and book himself a place at the oval office, I myself seek a brighter and healthier future ahead. My age has gone past 40-year-old mark and keep thinking of what have I done for all those years of living. What is it really the thing that matters the most? Am I happy? Satisfied? Fulfilled? Accomplished? At the end of the day I realize that healthy body is so precious that nothing else matters. But again, it is a daunting task to keep the body fit. With extra fat hanging around, I have a long way to go.

Love you my dear ! (Part 2)

The first year went on with a constant struggle. The study and family demanded huge attention from this already limping soul. I just could not take it; and at times—quitting, was on the menu. But Na was always there to support me; she would make the worst thing be more bearable and the stressed more manageable. We did not have a washing machine so Na would hand wash all of our clothes---everyday with cold water. Her hands would pecah-pecah and in pain from the soap and freezing water. But she never complained. During this time Nabiela was still a baby, Ariefah was about 2-3 years old and Aqeelah was about 5. Na took care of them very well.


We stayed there at that Pakistani’s house until the end of the year. The house was cold as the heating system constantly broke down; the electricity ran on prepaid card and we could not reach the landlord most of the time. I was fed up with that stupid old Paki and decided to move out. I found a house that we could barely afford; listed with an agent. But because of the urgent need to get away from that old house; we moved in with 500 pounds deposit and some amount for the bills as well. A contract was signed---very formal. The house was nice and clean but the pressure was you have to keep it that way all the time.

Na would scrubbed and cleaned every corners and joints every single day without fail. Sometime the cleaning went well into midnight. But she never complained; alhamdulillah by the time we moved out we got all the deposit back. The inspector was amazed herself because in all her working life no one ever got the full amount back. And she could not find a single spot of grease to penalize us.

By this time we were nearly into the summer of 1997. My PhD work had gone from bad to worse. I was going for my second year in September and that means will go before a panel to evaluate my progress. That was it I thought. I am dead. The pressure was too much for me and it got me confused and frustrated. Somehow the frustration for not being able to work on my research followed me home. I was so tensed that a small thing would become boiling hot and Na and I would get into serious situation. I would not call it a fight but a very uneasy circumstance. I guess the right phrase for it is “ I was becoming so pongoh!”--- an explosion of anger where I would lose sense of sanity. So deadly. I pray to Allah to give me strength and courage to overcome such an ugly psychotic behaviour.

The summer went by without much of a progress. As usual in Britain they dropped everything for the summer holidays; so things were not moving for me as well. So I went before the panel without any finding, no paper, no article nothing whatsoever. As expected they failed me. The exact word was ----- cause for concern; so you are advised to terminate …….I was devastated. Stayed in the office for hours staring at that letter; reading it over and over again just to make sure I do not miss anything. Everytime it ended with the same note: FAILED. I had no courage to tell Na or anyone about that heartbreaking news, I just could not. All I wanted to do was to curl into the corner and cut my heart out of that pain; slice by slice until it’s all gone. I could do it to myself but not to see my beloved Na and Aqeelah and Ifah and Una hurt by the painful mistake that I have made. I kept it to myself for a long time; Na only knew about it after we have come back to Malaysia a few years later. I just do not have the courage to talk about this. I still keep the letter and I have never shown it to anyone just yet; not even to Na. My struggle for a PhD had stopped right there ; after I received that letter from the faculty. After a few days of mourning, I decided to face my supervisor and sorted this out. I did not have any new findings or results to show him but I knew one thing for sure : I could not go back empty handed. By whatever means I had to get through this for my Na. My prayers always be …Ya Allah jika Engkau kesihani isteriku, tolong lah aku……I did not care anymore what kind of thesis there would be, or whether the results relevant or not…I was going to put an end to this and got it done . For my beloved Na. I begged my supervisor to give me a second chance and let me finish my research. He finally agreed and persuaded the faculty to let me continue.

Looking back to those times, I know that my PhD is definitely from the doa and prayers from my beloved Na. She’s the only one who had faith in me.

By the end of my study period I submitted my thesis without the full consent of my supervisor. He reluctantly signed my application to submit. He told me I had no chance to get my PhD with these results. I said nothing just waiting for the paper to be signed. I had no more will to argue or reason with him.

Finally the date for viva was set in October 1999. I went in with the deputy dean and presented my thesis before a panel of examiners. I knew all the panel members; some from within the faculty and one from the City University London. I was not that nervous but because the results and findings were not strong, I could not make a solid thesis. It was raw and vulnerable. That was the best I could do. Apparently it was not good enough, my thesis was referred. The next worst result one could get. The worst being rejected flat out. I was not sad anymore. No more tears to shed. I left it to dear God for whatever forthcoming. I told Na it’s time to go home.

I spent about a year to do the correction. I mailed the thesis and asked everyone to kiss the envelope for good luck…Na, Aqeelah, Ifah, Una and Maryam. That was in 2000.

The following year 2001, something strange happened. When we came back in 1999,we rented a house in Dungun near UiTM Dungun. Then we moved to another house by the end of 2001. So somewhere in August 2001 I went to visit a friend who lived in our old house. Nothing special just an afternoon visit. While we were talking there was another neighbour happen to drop by; so we all sitting together and enjoying the conversation. I saw that neighbour holding a letter; I did not pay much attention as it was not my business whatsoever. All of the sudden she dropped the letter as walking past me. I picked up and glanced to the addressee and saw ---Mr Abubakar, N. I told her that’s my letter---Abu Bakar, Nordin. OOOOO…ye ke? Kita tak tahu sape yang punye itu bagi pd kakak ni kot dia tahu. Dah hampir sebulan surat tu smpai ! I opened the letter right a way because the envelope shown University of Essex. Right there in the middle of the conversation; I read silently that I have been given a pass. I looked at Na and she knew right away that her prayers have been answered. In silent while sipping the tea, I screamed and jumped and shouted to the heavens that our prayers were answered. The one that said … Ya Allah jika Engkau kesihani isteriku, tolong lah aku……

Thank you my dear. Love you forever !

My wife Na is now doing her own PhD in Islamic Finance at INCEIF(Bank Negara)...it's my turn to stand by her side now.
See here for her presentation at MACFEA Conference.