The Day of Celebration

Today is Deepavali. Shah Alam is quiet as people taking the long weekend to go on a short holiday or balik kampong. I will be here as my kids will come back to Shah Alam for their short break. In fact I won’t be going away for while as long distant driving is no longer my cup of morning coffee anymore. Aging is catching up very fast; so my life has to slow down a bit. But today is the day of celebration, with the spirit of 1Malaysia we are happy for our friends. And that’s about it I think we should not go any further than that and join them in the festival. We respect what they are doing , happy with the occasion and let them do whatever that they have to do on this day. As a citizen of this country we owe everyone that much and try to avoid any conflict that might lead to something out of proportion. At the same time, there is a limit where we draw the line because we have our principle; as stated in the Qur’an :

1. Say (O Muhammad (Sal-Allaahu 'alayhe Wa Sallam)to These Mushrikûn and Kâfirûn): "O Al-Kâfirûn (disbelievers In Allâh, In his Oneness, In his angels, In his Books, In his Messengers, In the Day of Resurrection, and In Al-Qadar, etc.)!

2. "I Worship not that which You worship,

3. "Nor will You Worship that which I worship.

4. "And I shall not Worship that which You are worshipping.

5. "Nor will You Worship that which I worship.

6. "To You be Your religion, and to Me My Religion (Islâmic Monotheism)."

So it’s clear how to perceive this festive season.

I was married on Deepavali day some 20 years ago. The date has changed as it is determined by the moon; but with the mentioning of this day I would remember the occasion that has changed my life forever. When I got married, I promised to my wife that I would quit smoking. Easier said than done; so I learnt it the hard way. The first few weeks were the hardest. You can’t do it in an instant but still you want to keep your words to the lady. I was torn between love and lying. Every time the nicotine-craving came; the mouth drooled, the head spin like the wheel of fortune and you were drawn to the inevitable. I would sneak out like a teenager buying the loose cigarettes from kedai kopi and eased myself somewhere in a hidden place. That time I was in Dungun so the secret place would be the open beach at Telok Lipat or somewhere along that coast line. Sometime I rushed to my parent’s if we were back in Kelantan. My arwah Ayah smiled at me as I battled for the toilet from my brothers. I needed the smoke badly. Ayah said “jangan hilang punca kita kan orang laki!” meaning that to take control of your lady and smoke as you please. Don’t be a coward, full stop. It hit me like a brick. What has become of me? I asked myself. How long am I going to sneak around like this? Remember the pledge to quit smoking…so you will do this for the rest of your life if you have to. I reasoned with my inner thoughts. Once I visited a family during Raya and he offered me a puff. I don’t smoke, I said nervously. “Haah!”, he said sarcastically. With my bluish lips, no one will believe you are not a smoker unless you are an ass trying to play angel in front of your lady. I swallowed it bitterly. I did hang on to my words, although very thinly, until I was completely out of the woods. Now that after 20 years, the mouth still waters for the nicotine. But if I tried to smoke I could not even finish the second puff. The body has completely rejected the smoke.

The point is that quit smoking is not an easy task but it is possible. If you are serious about quitting than the first thing you should do is to get away from your “smoking buddies”. Run away from them as you run from a debt collector. But for men , friends are everything. That’s why the pledge to quit smoking cannot survive for long. But I did that with the help of my wife and my children; because they have become my new close friends.

The second thing is that you will gain some weight. This is also hard to accept. But I am happy with it; as you grow older you don’t really care that you have a big fat ass. Don’t let it drag for long though, work it out as you think that the weight is going out of control.

Overall the suffering and craving will be overcome by healthier body and fresher breath. You will be much more happier and contented.

Good luck if you are thinking of quit smoking. Do it today. Right now!

Where has it gone?

I am talking about my time. I don’t have the time to update my blog anymore. It is so frustrating. The day seems shorter than ever and the night is always the end of the day. Am I getting slower or does the world around me move faster? I am confused now. The thing is that I hate to have that “ things to do” list. People say that to manage your time well you need to have “lists”; so that you can arrange to do this and that properly. I have tried to follow that “things to do today” list and it’s just a daunting task for me. I felt like a slave of your own manifestation. I want to be free and surprise myself with “the last minute” decisions to do this and that. If I felt so lazy than be it; in my terms there is always the next time. Maybe you think that this is not a good habit; but you know what---the heck with it, I live my own life and don’t really give a damn about what other people think. Sounds like a grumpy ol’man, doesn’t it?

Time does fly fast. It would be faster if you wait for something. You wait for your son to get into school or your maid to arrive or your new car to drive. Do you know what would be the craziest and scariest wait of all? You wait for your retirement! Which has been on my mind for so many times. I wanted to avoid it but it just kept coming. For many of us retirement is for old people, very old indeed---it is the beginning of an end, of life!. I guess it is time to embrace the reality of life; the one like any other has the beginning and the end. It sounds so sad, doesn’t it? Well don’t be, because I am happy where I am now which is in the position to embrace the future. I love myself, my family and my friends; life just could not be better. For now I don’t fancy much, just a day without stress would be the happiest day for me.I don’t want to get busy doing other people’s task or making things up so you look busy. From dawn to dusk I would be with my thoughts; taking myself away from the stress-infested world around me.and at home after nine I would tell everyone that Abah has shut off for the day---no more noisy requests or reminders or news (good or bad), everything has to move over to tomorrow. No more business for the day.

I have no time to enjoy the TV anymore; which is my greatest hobby. Maybe some of you might want to know that in the old days the favourite hobby of any child on this planet is to watch TV. Another one is reading but that is just to cover up the fact that you are a lazy bum with no future. It is a rare scene nowadays to see me glued to the TV screen and laughed or cried with the show. For one there are too many channels to choose from, and second, nothing really excites me. With the heavy censorship you could hardly enjoy the exclamation of a feeling such as love…because it’s always sealed with a kiss. And a distorted kiss is just like a monkey puckering her mate…so distasteful. During my college days in the US, I like to watch American football. The game runs for three to four hours and I stayed on to enjoy it for the whole time. I just could not imagine to do that nowadays. I guess life has changed as you grow up. But there are a lot of stupid drama on TV….samarinda, lestari etc. The same old stories with the same old faces doing the some old stupid storyline. I really hate them; it’s very rare to get a good drama on air.


Anyway I cherish my good times with friends and family. I’ve made a few mistakes but most of the time I feel that I was protected. Alhamdulillah. And now I can see myself to be that old man with a white kupiah manning a counter of a kedai runcit in the remote village somewhere in Kelantan …..what a wonderful life!

Maaf dari Sorga

I usually grab an English novel without a second thought. I drool for the story like someone is thinking a chicken rice for lunch. It would get me pinned down to a sofa for two or three days. Well that’s when I got nothing to do during my college days. But nowadays it is painful just thinking of that because I can no longer afford to do it. Life just could not be like that anymore. I long for that cold winter days when I just kept myself wrapped up with a good novel. I love those stories about life and everyday problems that people face. I came across a Malay novel a few days ago lying around my living room and still in a wrap. I got into it and the rest is history. “Maaf dari Sorga” by Faisal Tehrani. It took me two days to know the meaning of that “maaf dari sorga”; why and for what reasons. I’m glad because that is one good piece of writing.

Al-Arqam : A dream of perfections

Dream is full of nothingness that leads to hopelessness. Every time we dream of something, the mind extenuates the hopes and promises that far from reality. We dream of a perfect world with good people smiling beautifully to each other, strolling in the park among the leafy greenery with family and friends. We dream of all nice people living harmoniously without conflicts and confrontations. We dream of the world beyond reality. Then there were people whom would wake up and realized it was just a dream; while others would wake up and live up to their dreams. You can find the latter ones among the members of Al Arqam. When I was in a secondary in Kelantan, we had a biology teacher who followed Al-Arqam. We never treated him as deviant but, on the contrary, as the one highly respected. He never preached the teachings in the class but we were persuaded to join his usrah. I respected him a lot and fascinated with his life; so simple but full of happiness.

with Zulkifli Abdullah, Cikgu Baharom (My Biology teacher) and me in 1981

That was my naïve judgement of a teenager towards the teacher he loved so much. On a biology trip to the beach of Semerak, he brought along his wife wearing the purdah and all. I had never seen a woman covered like that in my life so was quite surprised. I saw in them the perfectness of life as a Muslim. The relationship grew warmer and my friends and I never missed his usrah. The seniors in the school saw our close relationship with the teacher and showed their growing concern. They explained what Al Arqam is and the teachings that they practiced. They even brought us to meet Ust Uthman El Muhammady so we could seek detail clarifications. At that time Ust Uthman was in Tal Tujuh ,Pasir Mas where he headed a dakwah group as well similar to Al-Arqam. He was a friend of Ust Ashaari and due to conflict of ideas they departed and went separate ways. Apparently Ust Uthman knew Ust Ashaari and his teachings very well. But for me Al-Arqam was bigger than life. I attended a program once with arwah Ust Muhktar, once a strong man in Al-Arqam. They had ceramah, selawat and nasyid. The nasyid was fantastic but it seemed so strange to me at that time as we don’t sing in the mosque but how come these people made it like it’s all okay. It was mind-boggling but the confusion left some pride in me that Islam is good; it provides space for someone like me. But as we all know, the story ended sadly with the ban in 1994. For some the struggles continue but they can never been the same anymore.

Started off my 2010 reading with this book.

A couple of days ago I had a chance to sit in a kuliyah given by Ann Wang Seng. A prominent Chiness Muslim preacher. He’s written a book entitled “ Rahsia Al- Arqam”. The book “reveals” the open secret of Al-Arqam. The interesting part is not about the revelation but the nostalgia that has brought me back to the good old days. I flipped through the pages and history started to unfolds. They were sweet and defining moments that shaped my thoughts and taught me the meaning of life. The bits and pieces of life.

ps: looking for "Ummi dan Abang Syeikhul" novel by Shahnon Ahmad. anyone?

New Hijrah Year 1431

Sometimes You Know.....Sometimes You Don't Know......

You know when things are good …

1. You know that you have a good night sleep when you do not have anything to complain after you wake up.
2. You know that you have met a good person when you strike interesting conversation after you shake his hand.
3. You know that you have a good meal when the taste exploded in your mouth. Just like that Chef in Ratatouille movie.
4. You know that you have delivered a good lecture when you yourself learnt something new during the lecture.
5. You know that a book is good and interesting by reading the first few pages of the book.
6. You know that this student will do good research or not by looking at his first five slides.
7. You know your marriage will last long after you survived the first week (living away from your in-laws that is).
8. You know that you have a good car when you do not feel any body ache after a long drive ( like a 7-hour drive going back to Kelantan)
9. You know that you have a good neighbor if they know when to leave you alone.
10. You know that you have a good sex when……well you just know it okay!

But Sometimes You Don't Know ….for sure...

1. the hotels : when you walk into a hotel lobby ..it is similar to other hotel lobbies, don’t you think? . Difficult to tell the good ones from the bads.
2. gay men : some give you a very nice smile and good conversation. But is that the pick-up line or a friendly gesture? I am utterly confused!
3. when a woman in tears : are they happy or sad? I always got it wrong with my wife!
4. when your parent respond to your question : is it okay if Din do not go home for Raya holidays? And the answer : ok..hmmm….ok…..hmmm. Is that a yes or no?
5. A sunny day in December : OK so what’s the catch ? wet washing at the end of the day? God’s play tricks……
6. slow moving traffics on an open highway : move over you snail seeking ass…..huh…huh…and there is the answer to your puzzle, flagging you down for an ID a couple of km down the road.
7. that digital display on the highways : what are they for? Information?I’ve never got any useful information from the display…”perjalanan Lancar pandu berhati-hati” is that all? Waste of money really.
8. So who’s the MB of Perak?

Life As A Poor Kid

I always contemplate my moments in life and go back to relive the events of the past. It is my way of dealing with my past that has some dark moments. I always feel that it’s not fair but at the same time try to be positive and look at it from different perspectives---they have a term for it ----blessing in disguise. Whatever! But for me the pain is real and the sadness is just never-ending. I hope the stories of my past conciliate me with the pre-determination of my life. In the end maybe I could accept the fate and be thankful for what that has been bestowed upon me . I talked about my My Dark Moments #1 (MDM#1) here---my experience in school; it did not end there but continued until I finished my secondary school. This time is about my childhood; way back in the 70s.

I just could not imagine how I survived in those days. Maybe God really works in mysterious ways. I was alone most of the time; playing around my house from dawn to dusk, every single day until I registered myself in the primary school. Mak and Ayah are busy earning money so I was there keeping myself busy with whatever we had around the house. Our family is well-known in the village for being big and poor; even as I walked down the street some people would ask if I wanted to come and live with them. “ maybe this kid has a brighter future with us”,they might say. I did not understand what they meant but I knew only one word to reply---NO!. as a 7/8-year-old I knew my Mak and Ayah and where my house was… and I was always welcomed there. I could rest myself in that house for the night although sometime my sleep was interrupted by the leaking roof that would be blown off during a storm. Find an empty corner in the house, get your bantal and selimut and there would be your bed for the night. It’s pathetic but that’s the life I lived for so many years during my early childhood. But somehow I survived; and my other 11 brothers and sisters survived that as well. Pretty amazing, I supposed.

I remember myself always sitting alone by the window and looking out at the other kids playing games. I never had an urge to join them because for me the games they played were all silly and made them dirty all over. I just did not want to get dirty. The games such as “petong tin”, “polis pencuri”, “bola awa”, “lawe guroh”, “buoh getoh”, and many more were the favorites----but not me. I also have never been to anywhere only an occasion trip to my grandmother’s. but I always wanted to go to that big mosque near my house. No one in my family was a mosque-goer; my parents would come home only when the night falls and would be busy with the house chores by then. But I did not do any chore but still could not get to that mosque. One day my brother was about to leave when I knew he’s going to the mosque. Maybe he had other agenda as I never see him going there before. Maybe there is a special event going on, I did not know. Can I follow you to the mosque? I asked him, looking at me with that annoying face he did not say anything. And for me that meant a green light. I tagged along before I knew he was joined by his friends---so something must be going on. I did not care what he would do with his friends, all I wanted to was to go to that mosque. And that night I finally did. The mosque was only about a 5-minute walk from my house. Literally –“depan tangga la” but nevertheless it was as if a journey of lifetime. I guess my brother will get all the pahala ever since he brought me there because that was the turning point of my life---the day I knew my Islam. I sat at the back while my brothers was doing stuff with his friends. Once in a while he would come and checked me out. I saw in the front a huge place(a mimbar/pulpit) with stairs going up. I thought that God maybe sitting up there and we all pray for him from down here. It was so strange for me but I liked it there and felt so happy being there. Can I go to the front and join those people praying? I asked my brother. No you can’t! just stay right there ! he gestured me with his hand. Why? I asked. Because your penis is so small that’s why, we grown up have big penis so we can pray at the front, my brother told me. And I believed him. So for the whole week I tried to make my penis grow big so that I can join the big people in the front row. I frequented the mosque after that where I learnt so many things. I did it all on my own and since back then everything was free at the mosque I was okay. I had never been to the Quranic lessons or tadika because they all cost money. Even though the kelas mengaji was next door taught by my own auntie. It was so unfortunate to be poor, I must say.

By the time I got into primary school, my life was pretty much a mess. Everyone seemed to know how to run my life. I would spent time with my relatives here and there for a short period of time like 1-2 months. I just did not understand back then as if there was not enough food at my house. My auntie was the one who persistently wanted me to be with her all the time. She was a widow with no kid. And as I remember her well she was very “bekeng” (strict and bossy)lady. Sometime it was too much to put up with her so we just ignored her all together. I told father that I would like to go home. He understood well. So one fine day I heard them calling names of each other on top of their voices…I knew father was trying to get me back. I remember to sit by the wall listening to everything that they had to say to each other; some of which I never got to understand the meaning of the words or what they were referring to. World had gone upside down because of me; I was so sad and felt it was all my fault. But from that day onwards I was back to my old corner in the house; the place I always called home. It was good to be back. My father was very concerned about my study. I ‘ve got no money or land to leave when I die so study hard to support your family…that would be the thing father repeats all the time like a lyric from a song. But he never had time to come and meet my teachers, well in those days parents were not that concern to drop by the school and say hello to the teachers. Ayah has to sign the paper, I told mom late one night so I can bring it to the school the following day.What paper? They both asked as if it was something they could not afford to commit. The school asked if I want to get into this express class or not; and ask your parent to sign if they agree. They had this express class program where some kids will do year 3 and year 4 in just one year. So I saved one year and got into secondary school one year earlier than everybody else. It was not that hard academically but I got into a lot of trouble socially. I guess one year makes a lot of difference in the growing up days. That’s why I hate my secondary school years a lot,

I grew up without a bicycle of my own or a TV in the house. I never complained or asked for one it’s just not fair that’s all. When our favorite show was coming on the air we would sneak out to the neighbor’s house. This had to be done discretely because otherwise the “small ones”—my younger brothers and sisters--- would follow; and that will ruin everything. I remember one night the neighbor gave us cookies instead so we can go home and do not bother them so much. So pathetic! But that’s the life of poor kids ---the ones that never understand why we were as we were. So for me a TV is not just a square wooden box with pictures and sound ; it was a symbol of freedom that can not be denied or taken away from me any longer. No one will give me cookies anymore to hush me away from my favorite program. So from the time I could afford to get my own TV; I’ve never been without it ever since. Even though I don’t watch it that often like I used to, the TV will always be there for me.

Travelling was another luxury thing back then when I was a kid. Father never had a car or motorcycle. He had an old bicycle once that he used to go to work. But it was not a problem for a poor kid like myself because I never understood why people go places anyway. “makan angin” they said, a phrase that had no meaning whatsoever to me. I would muntah2 when I travelled by bus until I hated doing that altogether. Never mind father I can stay at home, I remember responding when he offered to take us for our regular visit to grandma’s. And I stayed home minding my own business and playing around my house. I live with that habit for so long until I develop a phobia for travelling. Nowadays travelling will mean hard time for me; anxiety will come in and I would feel very much uneasy all the time. Never mind I can stay home. Indeed, I would rather stay home.

I had never wandered off to the town or anything so father was so pleased with me. When everybody was off into the kampung to play; I would stick around the house waiting for mom and dad to come home. “ a good little boy”---I must credit myself on this one---very proud of it indeed. But one time “BOBBY” was coming to town. That big blockbuster movie was coming to the Rex cinema in Pasir Mas—that old cinema is no longer there anymore. I miss that big painted poster as well; the one that was built at the junction near the bus station--- I would pass this junction late at night accompanied my auntie and used to stare at that huge poster under the street light---one day I will see that movie, I whispered to myself. But I never had a chance to go. This time I would go to see Bobby; so made plan with my buddy to get into the cinema. Being a good son, I asked my father for permission. He stared at me and said…what! And miss your maghrib prayers. The show started around Maghrib time and for sure I would miss the prayers. But looking at me maybe he felt the need for me to get some fun so he let me go with some money for the ticket. We could only get one ticket because the cinema was full. Never mind we could share the seat. I remember watching the movie with both of us sitting in a seat; we took turn to move in and out of that small wooden seat. That was the most enjoyable time of my life. Sadly I did miss my Maghrib prayers.

44 Wishes for My Birthday

My wish list

44. Meet Obama.
43. Visit the Great Wall.
42. Cruise the street of Teheran.
41. Go up the Eiffel Tower(last time did not have a chance to go up only at the ground)
40. Buy groceries at muslim shops in South London.
39. Dine at Sima’s father restaurant in Colchester (Bangla dish).
38. Sunday’s car boot sale in Essex.
37. Drive through North Roosevelt in Wichita ,Kansas.
36. New York City
35. Pray at the mosque in Wichita (that we built in 1985)
34. Meet Mr Huff in Peoria.
33. Chat with my gay friends in Peoria (they must be damned old freaks now)
32. Cruising Chicago streets with my friend Ajax.
31. Walking down the leafy main street of Peoria.
30. Playing night tennis in the summer (in Peoria)
29. Meeting my old-out-of-contact-friend Tobiason.
28. Went to Louiseville,KY again where I met my beloved wife.
27. apply for a teaching post in UPM. The last time I waited the promised borang to come but never did.Why didn’t I just hop on a bus to Serdang and get the borang myself? I don’t know. I want to get it right this time.
26. my own wedding baju melayu. Last time, I borrowed from my brother. It was black so nobody noticed.
25. A bicycle for arwah Ayah. His bike was sold to pay off the tukang that renovated our house.
24. Those people in Dungun where I lived for nearly 15 years to have a better life. Feeling bad for haggling a cheaper price for a pot of fresh fish from the boat that came to shore every afternoon.
23. Have a small beach house along the beautiful beach in Dungun.
22. Jog along Jalan Pantai in Dungun one fine Friday morning.
21. camping in the jungle of Terengganu nearby the streaming waterfall.
20. crispy fried sotong at Pantai Kelulut.
19. Meeting my friend Hassan from Isfahan.
18. To have my Honda Integra back.Was sold to my friend in a hurry.
17. Visit Uncle Siddique and family in Braintree, Essex.
16. have a different supervisor during my Phd study.
15. Picnic at Castle Park on Sunday afternoon.
14. Design and build another house again. The one that we built in Dungun was sold when we moved to Shah Alam----a bungalow with an attic.
13. Return to Mecca and Madinah again.
12. Finish my swimming lessons.
11. Own a 10-acre kebun for my retirement.
10. keep my mom happy and healthy
9. make my brothers and sisters live a comfortable life
8. my children to have extra skills (other than academic)
7. my beloved wife to stay motivated for her PhD
6. manage my anger effectively
5. enough budget to sponsor more poor children
4. help more people using my knowledge
3. a kedai runcit of my own
2. be more approachable by other people
1. healthy and able for the remaining years of my life.

Ameen…….

Is there life without sex?

So ramadhan is almost reaching the halfway mark. Not that I am counting the days into syawal but my little buddy is getting restless already. It is not easy to keep him settled down there without love and care; knowing that he is one active little monster. But don't get me wrong, I love ramadhan as much as those aleem people do. It's just that when the qur'an is closed and you sit alone waiting for that emails to download the little buddy starts to feel warm and healthy. Oh No! Not in the middle of the day you freak! But what can I say, he is my best buddy. So the message is ---"Houston! Houston! We'v got problem!". So people say that life begins at 40, are you sure ? I think the right phrase is sex begins at 40! Yep! That's the right one. So those under 40 what you had was not sex....it was like you played with it a little,it got dizzy and vomited. Kahkahkah! OMG I am still puasa and this is getting dirty. My apologies. Seriously, the question is whether or not we can pursue life without sex ? of course not, we all know that.

But sex is so dirty how come such a neccesity in life is so dirty. Wait a minute....did I say dirty? Is sex dirty? Who said sex is dirty raise your little buddy? I don't think so. It is such a beautiful creation of Allah that put the excalamation to the life itself. Yes i want to live for it., don't you? But since the beginning of time the beauty of sex has been painted ugly and dirty. How hypocrites we are? I can't imagine those living without sex for even one day. Restless, loveless and hopeless...a recipe for a man who is about to go really mad. Have you ever seen a mad mating elephant? Running around with his little monster looking for a mate. That's what we all are without sex, isn't it?

The thing is that when people abuse sex for whatever reason, the beautiful thing has become so ugly and so dirty. The kids nowadays can do it whenever and wherever. No more respect to the essence of life. Marriage is nothing more than two horny grown ups agree to go at it, that's all. But it is the way we respect the beauty of sex and thus the life itself. The only way at that. Now gay couple starts getting married as well. Just to get that respect.....but wait a minute you guys abuse sex in other ways la! No! No! Little johny cannot play with little joey! Little johny has to play with little mary! That's the rule, otherwise everything will be ruined and spoilt. I just don't understand why some men like the other men for sex. I mean how can you find such an ugly ass so tempting? In the fb I've got a lot of this kind of people ( the so called my circle of friends) who likes to do nasty thing to little johny. Poor johny.

Anyway, the green flag will be up in a couple of hours. Enjoy your drive folks!

The Weekend MJ Died

The weekend is gone as quickly as it came; promising a relief from the hectic week. Not that I am a high profile corporate figure, but an ordinary Shah Alam citizen that sees the days getting shorter and the weeks folded without notice. So the weekend came as a breather to restore the peace in a hostile mind. But as I glance through the weekend plan; Allah has His plan for me and He is the greatest planner of all. Late Friday news reached us that our neighbor’s mom has passed away. Of course that came around after the shocking wake-up news from my wife about the death of MJ and FF. Although I am not a music fan, the death of MJ slit a sorrow wound across my heart. I was there in the US when he became a superstar. I heard his song when he was a regular black singer before his super stardom. He touched everyone with his silky voice and cool moves including myself. Anyway let’s not go overboard here and do something silly. He was human and death is certainly inevitable; get over it and move on. The death of our neighbor’s mom has clouded a sense of sorrow among us; so we will help him go through it and just to let him know that we are here for him. We will spend the weekend with him for prayers and quranic reading.

Saturday was the report card at my son and daughter’s school- Integrated Islamic School Shah Alam. I had to skip that and asked my wife to go instead. There would be a meeting later that morning for me to attend. They are doing fine I am sure. Nowadays parents have to get involved with the education to assure the learning is experienced properly. The meeting was not okay I must as majority did not turn up. I guess Saturday was not a good day to meet if you plan at the last minute as people have loads of other commitments already. I had a few khenduri to attend myself and they were all happening at the same time; so I picked one and got on the highway and joined the rest of the khenduri-goers. It was okay as we did not get lost and reached the place just in time with everybody else. After makan2 and chit-chat we headed off home. The tahlil will be later in the evening. Maryam and Ahmad were sleeping-over at their friend’s. Thought to get some durians as the season seemed to have started but changed my mind ; maybe some other time. Sunday morning breakfast at mamak’s with Umi, Ifah And Qilah for some delicious tosai and roti canai. So yummy. Afternoon met my student to sort out personal problems. I was really at odds as I just did not really know how to handle it. But listened anyway and gave my opinion. Hope it will be useful. As always we would not miss a lecture by our smackdown ustaz—Ustaz Nazmi Karim. The kuliah was about tafsir surah Luqman and stories about Weis al Qarni. Then went to meet an old friend at his child’s birthday party---a bit awkward to organize this sort of majlis on Sunday nite. I think due to that the turn out was very low. I was hoping to meet old friends from Wichita State University; but again who is going to come on Sunday night!

So another weekend has gone by and tomorrow Monday a big event at the faculty to meet our Tan Sri Datuk Sri VC UiTM. I can see the speech coming ….. aaarrrgh.

When God talked to me ...

The first thing that comes to your mind must be … this fella is cracking down already, he’s going nuts. But let me ask you this then… do you believe in God ? well if you do, God must be able to talk to you as well. If you feel such an action is too extreme then don’t worry, nothing bad will happen to you or any member of your family. None of that nonsense. If you believe me then..good…you know what I’m talking about.

God did not talk to me directly but through someone; however, the message is direct. The moment I received the message I know right there and then that it is for me. I know because no one knows that particular information. No one whomsoever on the face of this planet and beyond except , of course, God himself. It IS from Him to me. Have you ever come across this situation? When out of no where; things happened to you. Maybe your wishes have been granted, or your prayers have been answered. You feel protected whenever you were most vulnerable. You passed your test when you already have prepared for the failure. Someone IS listening , don’t you think so? Please say yes because if not I must be going a little bit over the edge. The whole day today I tried to comprehend what was happening and I have come to a conclusion that my life is now has entered into a new dimension. Nothing spectacular; it is just changing.

Let say you make a phone call, you dial a number and press the call button. When you hear the ringing at the other end you know that the number is correct and the phone is working. You wait. At this stage you are in waiting mode, right, anxiously waiting and thinking of what to say and what not to say. Your emotions are mixed without knowing which one to fire. Happy. Sad. Glorious. Angry. They are all there within you waiting to be picked to accompany your next move. Once the caller picks up the phone and greet you; you have immediately entered into a new dimension. You say something and with that the right emotion will be triggered. Maybe happy for talking to your friend on the other side. So I was talking that kind of changing.

I have been trying to make contact with God for so many times in my prayers. The line has been ringing so I know the number was right; now He has finally answered my call and put my life “on line”. Thank you.

So what was the message ? Let it remain a secret, locked inside me just like a small candle with a little light….bright enough for me to go my way. I am just happy to be with God. Don’t you think it is time to make your call as well?

Today's Khutbah : Hati Ibu

The oration from today's pulpit was so touching. It was about our attitude towards mothers. We all have our mother; some might be still well and healthy and some might already lose her. So the subject was very close to our hearts. The part that I remember the most, in between my sleepy moments, was that ....

" kita berlumba2 mencium tangan orang 2 yang kita kagumi dan hormati tapi adakah kita juga mencium tangan ibu? " ( we go all the way to kiss the hand of those that we admire and respect but have we kissed our mother's ?)

so very true isn't it? a slap on the forehead, I'd say! I could hear some people around me sobbing quietly and the other guy wiping the tears away. I guess people don't sleep off the khutbah anymore; they actually listened to the contents. but if the content is about the good promises that the so-and-so politicians have made and how we the people should be thankful....then we better off dozing away to the never-never land.

And today there was a makan-makan....some leftovers from the previous program. Never mind that...just be thankful. Thank you God!

Labour Day 2009

I don’t know why we need one big-ass day for workers to celebrate a day off---don’t we have weekends? And that’s a two-day off, even better and we have it at every week. I guess it is an old custom from the industrial era that workers were first to be recognized as the driving force for the country’s well-being.

The first Labor Day holiday was celebrated on Tuesday, September 5, 1882, in New York City, in accordance with the plans of the Central Labor Union. The Central Labor Union held its second Labor Day holiday just a year later, on September 5, 1883.

In 1884 the first Monday in September was selected as the holiday, as originally proposed, and the Central Labor Union urged similar organizations in other cities to follow the example of New York and celebrate a "workingmen's holiday" on that date. The idea spread with the growth of labor organizations, and in 1885 Labor Day was celebrated in many industrial centers of the country.

I supposed it is not a bad idea after all; as working is part of our life and working together (in peace and harmony) is the hardest thing to endure. You hate your boss, office mate or colleague just for the stupid face that you have to see every single day, isn’t that hard enough for average working person like you and me. And then there is office politic that keep your morning coffee at the mamak restaurant hot and tasty. I happened to come across the following saying at my mate’s office.

Coming together is a start, planning together is a beginning, working together is a progress.

Why can’t we work together? ( if you say that you CAN work with your colleague then you better look again…..aren’t you pretending?) Let me tell you why I can’t work together with my colleague ( or seems to always have difficulties in keeping the relationship professionally positive)

1. I am a slow mover, not that I’m a lembab-ass but I work at my own pace. And it seems to lag behind ever ytime. Although I can catch up eventually, I just don’t give a damn who has gone before me or behind me and that attitude has always left me on my own.

2. I have my own ideas that I want to work on. Usually people would see them so far off or “superficial”. For me most ideas that I put forward are “workable” but they need to be worked a bit harder than other simple ideas. So people will have to give up a lot of time, or endless effort or even some amount of money to see the success; no matter what I want to see the success but people would kill them off because they afraid of the commitment. I would end up in a conflict; and as I am not good in handling conflicts , I would leave them altogether.

3. I am a peace-loving person that will make everything to stay away from confrontations. I would rather be alone, if you know what I mean.

4. I hate strategic planning; a must if you work with people.


…..but one way or another you can’t escape from working with people. That’s why my Labor Day is the day for me to celebrate how I have survived the daunting task of working with people.

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I am all ears …

I’m not sure whether that expression is right or not but it sounds like that or something like that…trying to listen to somebody’s plight. I drove to USJ this drizzly morning to meet up with a couple of friends. They need someone to listen to their ordeal; and thought I might be the best person to talk to. I was not sure myself what the fuss was all about but went along anyway. I arrived there a bit late due to normal traffic jam in Subang Jaya and started to ask what is it all about. From what I understood it’s nothing serious; a regular problem facing most students all the time. I guess they just need someone to listen that’s all. And I just sat there listening, comprehending and occasionally responding to the discussion. I just do not believe that I really did not do anything; just listening to what they have to say. I think my listening is getting better.

I used to be so wrong when it comes to listening. Making the talker more upset than the two of us. The art of listening has to be acquired, learned and practiced for it to get better and better.But when I am watching TV then nothing else will get into my ears other than the voices of Jandi, Junpyo, Jihu…hmmmm those are the Korean fellas from Boys over flower. But my dear wife will definitely have something to say or tell me when I am all ready to set off to Seoul, Korea …… so things will get difficult sometimes.

But listening to the Friday sermon is quite an experience one has to persevere, don’t you think? Especially when you have just finished a bowl of sup tulang from the near by sup power from somewhere. The head starts to get heavier by the minute; and you wish to rush by the wall and lean for a while. It is rare to get an exciting sermon these days more so if the sermon is read off the manuscript.

As I grow older I listen to myself more than before. Usually I would listen to others for what to do and how to do it; but lately I have become more comfortable to listen to my heart and soul for what I want and what I should do. After all I am completely responsible for what I do so why not just listen to myself for a change. I guess I have found this inner satisfaction in doing that….a complete self that is able and active.

The moment of truth, SPM results Out Today!

As I am doing this entry, my daughter Aqeelah is battling with anxiety as she approaches the school’s compound to get her SPM result. She and many like her all across Malaysia will see their fate today; whether they can proceed to a higher level education or not. For us in Malaysia , SPM is everything; it represents the future of our kids. If one fails to get good results in SPM a girl might as well find a man and get pregnant; and for boys would never go out to ask her girl for marriage until he gets a job in a nearby factory. I mean the certificate really dictates the way you will lead your life. So that’s why most of us have become so exam-oriented and certificate-madness-social-structured society. Everything must be certified and approved. We hang all sort of certificates on the wall to prove that we are real and truthful as claimed. Even children in the kindergarten will get certificates for whatever they have finished doing---reading, writing, running etc. I don’t know where this entry is going but I am quite fed up with people trying to do something and get a cert to prove it all. Can’t we just make do with whatever we can produce, the skills that we have with the best of our ability. There is no need for extensive certificates to prove everything. But sadly that is how the things are in the world we are living in; and have been like that for hundred of years since the British opened up the first school in Malaysia. Those who were “successful”---pass the stupid exam---would lead a good life with a good job and big house. My late father, for example, he did not proceed through the British school…(or known as The White Man’s school)..so life was quite difficult for him. But during that time it was more due to the poverty rather than a choice. He moved to town(Pasir Mas from Kg Tendong Sungai), got a job and married Mum.

My grandmother Mak Jah and I, seen here after her return from Mecca. She was a rich lady back then; owned several houses and plots of land. I never knew my grandfather. Grandma lived a long and illustrious life as a rich widow; she died a few years ago at my house hopelessly poor and lonely.

Without proper certificate, what else could he live on other than an odd job like a coolie at a train station. That was the train station in Pasir Mas, Kelantan He would lift anything that came by the train and put them into the godown(gudang) or on a waiting lorry. A job definitely for the poor unsuccessful lads. He would come home with a few ringgit and some food for the twelve of us . Everyday for the rest of his working life. He passed away some years ago. May he rest in peace.

I guess he learnt the lesson well and told us to go to school and study hard. I have nothing for you all, he once said during the meal, so better do well in school if you do not want to end up like me. At that time I did not understand; I felt it’s nothing wrong with what father had been doing. I could eat, grow up and play like everyone else. Maybe a TV or radio would be better as we did not have them to watch my favorites like Giant Robot or Ultraman. Father worked hard as I remember him and we never complained being bored at home or anything like that. We had each other to play , fight and kick-ass with; the twelve of us, yes twelve, and I still have them all today living and working some where in Malaysia. The only thing is that now I wish things could be different. But fate has it its way and I should be grateful for things have turned out to be alright after all.

(then)Some of my younger brothers and sisters at our house in Pasir Mas

(now-2008)Some of them during the last Raya


some of my nephews and nieces

Fortunately, my father took care of our study quite well. I remember him sitting by me, after a long day at work, making sure I was studying and doing my homework under the “pelita ayan” (that small oil lamp) way into the night. Four of us including myself were fortunate enough to be offered places at boarding schools. That was the point and time when I started to be “adopted” and living in hostels; I was eleven years old. After secondary school , they sent me to the United States and then later to the UK. Until today I still wonder what would happen to me if I were still at the kampung and running around trying to get something good out of me. I would probably end up doing the same odd jobs at the train station.

>>>Alhamdulillah, Aqeelah got 10As in her SPM. Excellent indeed.

Working ,living and puffing

I guess working and living are synonymous with each other. Some people work his ass off for a living; while others living is working (kerja untuk hidup atau hidup untuk kerja). I prefer to be in the first category where working is only to maintain a good living. Sometime I drag myself to the office. Not that I hate my job but the idea of working and endless paperwork plus the boss keeping an eye on you really make me sick. How long do I have to do this ?why can’t life be easy and simple ? well it used to when we were kids…right?! Nothing to worry about, no deadlines, no class to attend and what not. But then we could not wait to grow up and be adults and do what adults do…smoking for example. It was so cool to smoke when you were 17 or 18. I started smoking during the long break after SPM. I would go to my mate’s house ,bought a couple of marlboros from kedai kopi and spent the afternoon puffing away with him.

with my buddy Ameng at Bradley University, Peoria ,Illinois, USA

Once we were passing a group of guys hanging around the “wakaf” (the coolest place to lepak in my kampung). I approached one of them and asked if I could light up my cigarette with his cigarette. It’s a bit tricky to light this way. You have to put the two heads together and try to burn yours while keeping his head intact…smokers will know this. I did not do it properly and his cigarette’s head fell off. I was so embarrassed that I still remember that incident until today. I was trying too hard to be one of the guys; acting with cigarettes and all but…it did not go very well I supposed. But why do people (especially the men!) keep smoking ?First of all this writing does not promote smoking but to look at some reasons on why people especially men keep the habit of smoking. Despite the campaign of anti- smoking we do see people puffing around oblivious to the impact it might do to their health and environment. Let’s pause for a moment the aggressive campaign and ponder the real reasons why people smoke. The idea is that when we understand the underlying motivation that drives these people to keep on their habit, we can take more effective steps to deal with the situation. It worked for me, so I hope it will shed a light for others as well. I started smoking when I was seventeen or so and kept on lighting the cigarettes for another eight years. I quit in 1990 and still struggling to keep away from the smoke until today; ninteen years later. The urge is still there after every meal. As a man who used to smoke at least a pack a day, I would list the following reasons for smoking :

1. Smoking is the “men thing”. People who attracted to smoking is attracted to this “men thing”. We see women who smoke are attracted to ‘ men thing”. We bump into children who smoke and they are attracted to this “men thing”. So what is this “men thing” ? It is a power within one self. The power to attract friends; control people and signify the presence. Men tend to socialize in groups; being in a group is a social tag saying that you are okay and not from mars. We get together and smoke.

2. At home, men smoke to flag a need for privacy. Daddy wants sometime alone now, could you go and watch TV or something. So daddy would pick his favorite corner in the garden or by the verandah to puff the night away. Nothing matters anymore it’s me and my cigarettes. The hormones will get settled, emotions restored and he will get back to the family and act like a good father the society approves. A good wife would understand this and give some space. It’s not easy to realize that a husband also needs a space to activate his “men thing”. Some women would object the habit for so many reasons but never realize the emotional needs that some men are struggling to cope.

3. Men like to have a “play thing” with him all the time. Some people cannot move a round without a hand phone or PDA. Some would be “patah kaki” without a car. A man with nothing on him would be like a soldier without arms. He has to have a reason to approach another guy for a companion even while waiting in a queue to pay the bill. We have to talk to someone or do something on the phone …it’s the “men thing”. So the most practical tools here are a lighter and a pack of cigarettes. With most premises ban smoking, the place to exercise such social needs are very limited.

4. The image of real men. Image to a man is like a mane to a lion. It shows who is in charge. Every man will pose an image that he will be comfortable the most. Whether we like it or not, an image of a man with a cigarette is hot and macho. James Dean or Marlon Brando, for example, weren’t they so “macho and manly” ? ( and dead as well….hmmmmm that tells something else ain’t it.) Don’t we all miss the big-ass advertisement with a man and his beautiful lady biting a cigarette butt!. Yes those were the days.

5. A quick fix to stress. Life as a man is stressful; not that I know how is it to a woman. But the demand that society put on a man’s shoulder is sometime unbearable. A man is supposed to do this and that which are things if not hard must be heavier or riskier. I guess it is natural for a man to be tough or stupid enough to act like a tough guy. At the end of the day, man has got to do what a man has to do. But a man is also human; and if he could not do it he would take refuge to compose himself. This is where most men choose to puff away the stress. We would see most men chose to smoke to clear the head or revitalize the tired body and minds.

6. label territory. Just like in the animal kingdom where a lion or a tiger would go around and label his hunting ground, men would do the same with a cigarette. When a cigarette is lit up, the smoke will signal a ceremony has begun. This guy is sending a message to the mass that this is his territory, he is a man and ready to play his role.

7. To attract women. It is natural for a man to flirt with a beautiful lady whether he is single or not. Unless he is gay, a man needs a woman in his life for companionship or sexual relationship. And if a man with a smoking cigarette is not hot enough for a lady, nothing would. A genuine lady would see in him a burning manhood ready for action.

8. actively living his life. Another perspective is that, a man who smokes is someone active and living. He has the money and time to enjoy whatever he is doing and smoking would signify this opportunities.

But, what about destroying health and environment ? well, death and destruction are inevitable; it will come sooner or later.

Meeting Prof KJ

I was very delightful to have the opportunity to have lunch with Prof KJ renowned professor from UPM. He is currently with Yale University. As an academician , it is very enlightening to have a long conversation with experienced Prof. Any chance to ask question and get feedbacks will not be a waste of time but a rare moment indeed. it should be cherised and greatly appreciated. Prof KJ entertained my request to meet him although he has a very tight schedule at UiTM; I am very grateful. that was my first ever meeting with him and to my surprise he talked to me as if I was his long lost friend. we talked about work most of the time; about research and publications. that were the two areas that I am struggling to cope with; so he came up kind of like saving me in the middle of a drowning incident.

The night I prayed with the angels

For over forty years of my life, last night was very special indeed. It was the 27^th Ramadhan and I had the opportunity to attend the qiam (night prayers) with my friends at the nearby surau(place of worship) at about 4am. For Muslim all over the word, the night of the 27^th Ramadhan is very very special as we believe all angels would descend to the face of the earth and pray with us from dusk to dawn. As mystic as it might all possibly be, I was there and could feel the presence of these angels all through the night.

Allahumma Ya Rabbi

Forgive this one soul, for the thoughts and the speech and the hands might have gone astray from your path

Forgive my family if they ever crossed your lines in their daily chores as they lack of knowledge

Forgive all muslim for the faith they never really knew and the ignorant they pose in their actions.

Indeed all praise be to Allah, we praise Him , we seek His help and forgiveness.

We seek refuge in Allah from the evils of our souls and the evils of our actions.

Allahumma Ya Rabbi

Our nation is in great distress and difficulties

Forgive us if this is the punishment for all of our deeds

Save this nation

Save this country

From the leaders that see greed as opportunities

Lies as the sacred sermon, smiles as the key to support, lust as the gift from heavens, corruption as the good deeds, suffering voices as the annoying grouses, poverty as the rightful cause of their actions, fame as his rightful trait and power as a God-given command to save the world.

Unite us all under the banner of humanity and prosperity

For we can no longer bare the burden of differences

Allahumma Ya Rabbi

Give us the strength and will

To fight the fahsya and the munkar

That have attacked our olds and youngs

Ruining their hopes and their futures

Please forgive us all

Make this land safe and sound again

For the flowers to bloom and the birds to sing again

So we can grow older gracefully

And be at peace….for eternity.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alaamin.

The prayers ended at 5.15am.

My Grateful Moments (MGM)

As the celebration of my birthday continues (only me still celebrating) I ponder upon the moments in my forty-over years living through the thick and thin of life. We all have our moments that shape our destiny. I did not have a real aim in life when I was a child. I remember that I wanted to be an ADO ( assistant district officer)…you see an assistant, not even the DO itself . Another choice was a teacher. Only because my class teacher asked me to think so that he can put something down in the borang. But the fate put me through the hardship in life maybe to show me that believing in God and trust your own self would take care of everything around you. But the best part being through the rough edge of life is that you have all sort of moments to treasure ….grateful moments, dark moments, hilarious moments and so-so moments. The color of life that you have enjoyed; seeing and touching your very souls and only you can feel it. Isn’t it wonderful?

MGM#1 : got into smskel in 1977

Back then I was about 11 years old when this headmaster of my school dropped by and delivered the letter. I was playing with my brothers and sister. When Mak and Ayah went off to work; we were left to care on our own. It was the school holidays and during this time we just played around the house just to keep everyone within the compound and not to be too adventurous and wandered off into the kampung. All of us would get into trouble if there is anyone missing by the Maghrib time. When the headmaster who happened to be our next door neighbour ( but we never talked to him because he was so bekeng(fierce) at school) called us out, I sneaked in between my brothers and tried to be nosy. Never expected any letter for myself. But this time it is for me. We understood the letter because my sister was already at sri puteri at that time and my brothers were already at this school. Now it is my turn. We maybe poor but alhamdulillah. God is gracious. I remember to hold the letter and read it over and over again. Not knowing exactly what was the meaning of all that. I knew that like my sister I would be going off somewhere living in asrama with other students. There would be no more fighting with my brothers for so little food that we have on the dinner mat. No more tears from Mak for not being able to give what I wanted. Maybe I will be better off, so I thought. I remember Ayah was so excited for me but at the same time could not figure out where to get the money for all the stuff that I needed for the asrama: the clothes, cadar, uniform and all. Luckily he had a nephew who worked as an ADO and got help from him. I am so grateful for that moments because it changed my life forever.

MGM#2 : “graduated” from jemaah tabligh in 1979

I was always fascinated with “org2 alim” (religious people). Back then Islamic movements was a hit and Ustaz Ashaari (of Al-Arqam) was a celebrity. One time he came to our village and I was so impressed with him and his movement. I wanted to join the movement but my father said you could not afford to go to KL and live with those people. So I just held off that idea. I frequented the ceramah by these tabligh people at the mosque near our home.Not like Arqam; tabligh movement is low-profile. You follow their program and they would give you food and made new friends. Once a week they would take me to the city for a weekly gathering. Some big alim people would give ceramah and ask you to go out and travel giving dakwah. That was good. I came back and told this to my father and he told me not to get involved…nanti jadi gila. Besides, where do you find the money for the traveling? I did not know how to answer. I did not understand why we did not have much money like other people. Even with that constraint I was able to attend the tabligh program most of the time. In 1979, after the SRP examination we had a long break and a little sum of money from the scholarship, I pursued my intention to go with jemaah tabligh. There was a big gathering in Kuala Terengganu and I happened to pass by KT on the way back from KL. I told my teacher that I would stop in KT to visit a friend. He said OK and off I went to the gathering (could not remember the term for such gathering). I remember my senior at school was there to greet me (Dr Razali Mohd Zain) and he showed me around the camp that will be my home for the next 3-4 days. The term was –ijtimak, now I remember it!. I put down rm60 that I brought with me so that I could be put into a team. This team would go out and do dakwah for 40 days. Anybody who has gone out for 40 days will be considered meeting the basic requirements to be a pendakwah (preacher). I was going for that. We traveled by foot from one mosque to another for 40 days staying a day or two in one mosque. It depends on the people of that village. Some would be so hostile but many would be very receptive and welcome us with food and blankets.

I remember going around KT area during those 40 days we went deep into the villages that the people speak with the slang that I could not understand. The mosques were not well taken care of in those days compared to today. People in the village were busy with their farming that they did not have time to come for prayers. So the mosque or surau had become neglected and some completely neglected. So we actually revived the activities at the mosque. Mostly in those days they clashed due to political differences; very obvious and very sad indeed. Although today the same idea might still alive it has toned down a bit and we can see people are no longer abandoning the mosques. We all sort of people. At one place we were harshly told off because the ‘tok guru’ there said we were practicing deviant Islam….as most Tablighi will do, we just kept quiet and smiled all the time. That’s what we were taught…never to confront and always patient and leave everything to the Almighty. In another village we met a group of people practicing strange Islam. Didn’t really understand what they were doing but when we arrived there the group were down at the village to get supplies of food and rice. Every night our ameer will do the bayaan. I’ve never had a chance to deliver bayaan. It was the highlight of the day because many people would come to hear it. Our ameer was a good orator so I was very fascinated with his speech. At one village there was no electricity so the bayaan was delivered under one oil lamp…..so dark and hot and with the speech gaining pace you could imagine that the atmosphere was so tensed. We cried when the story of sahabah was related and the agony in the hereafter was addressed.

The real training is when you were assigned a task; maybe cook the meals, do the zikr or go out visiting people around the mosque (could not remember what that’s called). It really got me working and trying very hard to do them properly. We were at this one village called Kg Pulau Manis in the area of Kuala Terengganu. It was the fruit season and we had the chance to have all kind of fruits that have been brought to the mosque by the kind villagers; loads of them. When I talked about this during the reporting session (we had to give report on our experience during the 40-day outing) the ameer grinned and blushed…..that’s not it you are supposed to get a spiritual change not about a bunch of fruits. Then my ameer took over and finish up the report. I guess I was too young/naïve to say anything spiritual. I clearly remember that incident and feel a bit disappointed for not doing it right. I guess you should learn the lesson. And that was it about this whole outing---learning the lesson “real-time”. You made a mistake you face it right there and then. After the 40-day outing you are supposed to go out again for about two weeks; I was sent to Tumpat area ---a mainly Siamese community in Kelantan. I had my confidence already and was able to approach any bunch of teenagers hanging around on their motorbike whenever I met them during the afternoon visit.(gush??). With no hesitation I would talk about Islam and Iman and give come-and-follow-me-to-the-mosque-right-now kind of message. It was straight to the point and that’s really the beauty of Jemaah Tabligh---direct with proactive. You bring the message to the people and do not wait for the people to come to the mosque. Nowadays, this is the part lacking in any surau or mosque---there is no effort to get the message of Islam and Deen out of the surau and mosque and give it to the people at their doorsteps. No one is willing to do that even the AJK surau; all they know is to fight each for the post and get a few ringgit the allowance. No one except people of Jemaah Tabligh.

You would go through all sorts of training during that 40 days. Remembering surahs from the quran, learning how to deliver a speech in front of so many people, doing the ceramah, going for door-to-door preaching etc. Nothing fancy just some ordinary things that somehow have built my personality.at the end of that period I had become someone new; not only religiously but personality wise. I found confidence within me. Perseverance that helped me a lot later in life.A belief that I can do some impossible things. I enjoyed it very much. I “graduated” 40 days later renewed as a man with endless possibilities ready to take on the world. I am grateful for that moments in life. I am no longer following jemaah tabligh but would remind me of all those years when they knock on my door every now and then.