2013....

The year 2012 went  away quietly from us last night. It has been like that for as long as I remember; we never celebrate new year. I mean even if you spent munajat for the celebration you are still celebrating the coming of the new year...so where is the difference from other celebrations? Some people just got carried away with all these and tried very hard to do something different only to end up doing the same thing. Celebration is still a celebration no matter how you color it.... I remember during my bujang days, went to KL for the celebration with a friend and I just regret it for doing that; did not really enjoy the party and whatever they did over there at Dataran Merdeka. Went for the sake of going and wish I had never done that. But you know things happened and as a bujang guy you did a lot of mistakes. Life goes on and you keep faith that Allah will forgive you.

Anyway, the year 2012 had seen many great successes in my family. The kids were very successful with their studies Alhamdulillah, two of them ,Ifah and Una, started their  first year study and Maryam has just finished form one at a boarding school. We are praying for my beloved wife to finish her Phd soon. She will do it insyaALlah, I have no doubt. And myself have gone through a serious transformation inside out. I don’t know what happened but it just happened. For the first time I accepted the fact that I am diabetic, hypertensive with a heart problem. A complete package to  get you six feet under. But I did not let them get me down as yet; I got the bull by the horns and took control. I know I’m not healthy anymore but I feel healthier and happier than before. I live my life a day at a time and really trying very hard to accomplish something for every moment that has passed by. I don’t care what others say, I am tired of that---living other people’s life. Well at my age nobody cares what you do anyway so things are a bit easier for me. At the office things were looking up as well; not as I expected it but had a chance to do new things and met interesting people. I wanted to do research in my area; that’s all. I never had an ambition to get involved in administration. But for some reasons, in the middle of 2010,a small and remote admin post  was available---no one was interested obviously, so I took that up. It was not that bad actually, the fun part was to have new friends within a very close-knit community of coordinators. I blended in very fast and very well. But due to restructuring of that unit  I was terminated and sent back to the faculty. The timing was correct, I supposed, because by the time I was sent back they were looking for a new head of department at the faculty. Well that’s a bit out of my league and just brushed aside the idea of being one. But then in one of the meetings I was nominated, I was confused and shocked and didn’t say anything---even did not reject the nomination. And as they say...the rest is history.

I took up the post because I know now that I want to serve people. Research is great but to stick to your own interest and abandon public interest is a selfish act. I am not doing that great with research anyway, let’s be real and to hope for a bigger grant and good results are something too much for me right now. And so far things are manageable although the responsibilities are endless.

2013 will be a challenging year for me. I can see dark clouds are forming and moving towards me. I hope it would not be a nasty fall. For the first time I feel it’s okay to be wet---even soaking wet. For some reasons, I am ready for this. May Allah show me the way and give me strength to soldier on.