Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Went on a long drive to Jasin today. I’ve never known that there is really a place for “jin bertendang”; but, this must be it. And  this remote outback is in a kampong called Kg Mendapat…dapat apa? Don’t ask me..I don’t expect anything from this place sorry to say that but it’s so depressing just being there. I mean in the middle of nowhere. So I went there with a delegate from Pejabat pembangunan to survey the progress of an UiTm campus . Nothing important really I just want to be in a place that many of my colleagues (maybe myself, god forbid!) will be working next year. A dilemma that has been haunting me from  day one being in this new office. I will be the one to pick and choose who will be there; so help me God. Being in the place myself I have no comforting words to cushion the crushing impact of the order to move there. No worries. We will cross the bridge when we get there.


lecturers' room

My first “SSssssshhhhh….bos datang “-gesture !


I came across a group of lady lecturers today and all of the sudden one of them shhhhh me out. Everyone just stopped talking  and looked at me in a very strange manner—the subject changed immediately. It followed with a fake greeting and forced smiles. I was stunned at first and disappointed throughout. Never really get into the conversation and hurriedly left them alone. So that was it--- my first sshhh-gesture. I am trying to comprehend the whys and the hows of this gesture. A lot of questions suddenly converged to cushion the crashing impact of such a simple gesture.

When I was a school kid I used to do that to our teacher—ssshhhh…cikgu datang! And everyone just rushed to their seat and pretended to read a book or something. An act displayed out of fear and guilt. Fear of any punishment due to some guilty actions that we had done. A childish reaction, I must say. But adult do that as well, is it due to the same circumstances? I guess  we inherited that from our childhood that has become a norm or common reaction to such  situation. The sad thing is for not being sensitive to the other party that might have a hard time to swallow the bitter message that was thrown to his face. And of course we do it for the boss as well, I mean, as his subjects I guess we feel to have a god-given right to be mad at the boss. Even if he has done absolutely  nothing to intimidate our integrity or our intelligence, we still do it to him. And the boss on the other hand would do whatever task to deliver feeling that it is his god-given trust to uphold the responsibility. The feeling is reciprocal and the hostility is mutual. And the vicious cycle continues. We suffer due to our own brutal egoism.

So the boss is someone to be left alone and never dare to be close with. We feel awkward whenever the boss is close around. I can’t really tell them what to do—to hate or to like me---it is something I have to earn. Well, I can understand that much. But for them to be cautious for I might bite them off is just too much. And I don’t really understand why anyone would do that, I, for one, would approach my boss without any pretext just a bit careful not to cross the line.

I guess I have a long way to go. Maybe a lot more challenges are lined up ahead of me. Some decisions that will disturb a sleep of a mighty lion/lioness. Would that be a good time to be friend of a boss? It’d break a heart and things will become very complicated. Should it be that hard? I don’t really know but I am sure don’t want  it to be that way. If the thing is hard then everyone should feel the burden and we will go through it together, you and I. We will face it with our heads up high and our hearts tied up to the promises of God that He will help us through this. Maybe if people understand this; things will be much easier to handle. iA He will show the way.