The racist in me

Racial remarks have put people into a lot of trouble nowadays. What you say is what you think, what you think is what you feel and what you feel is what you are! Playing with race is a dangerous game (like what I am doing right now) that could put you in a tricky situation. People might hear something and understand different thing. You said something and the other guy misquoted  you for whatever reason. And a lot of people will come at you and say something nasty. I guess time has changed in Malaysia; but, unfortunately, some people never change or refuse to change . They take the race cards and play the old games with the rules and colonial masters from the yesteryears. For so many years we frowned and felt so awkward if we come across such a gross remark, but people never walk out on you. When the situation demands such an action, we know it is just too much. We heard one thing about  a good policy called 1Malaysia but we keep getting different other things in the contrary from the same group of people. It shows inconsistency and right out insincerity. People have faith in good policy but once it is betrayed you will have to pay  so dearly. Your subjects are cleverer now compared to the last 50 years. How come you never learn? But it is a completely different story if people refuse to learn. Or maybe there is an unfinished business still warms inside you. Learn to let go then.

I am  a Malay from the generation of post-independence. We missed the struggles and hardly remember the big riot in 1969. I grew up in Kelantan where everyone speaks the same regardless who they are. I had teachers from other races and learnt well all the way through. They got drunk a lot but  I guess that the way they lived and got by. I grew up with my way and my life and their way with theirs. My family was poor alright but I never thought that was because I am Malay or anything. But some people like to make us think that was the work of the devil that don’t like me and anyone like me. I know now that’s wrong and just an excuse for not getting something. It’s natural to blame others for something  you could not do or could not get. It’s human nature. For a start it’s okay I guess but then after so many years ( 52!) that definitely has to change. You’ve got to change and realize the world is not ours only. We learn history to plan the future and not to ‘relive’ the history. Things of the past should mould our thinking into a dynamic and robust future. I am Malay and will be Malay until the day I die; nothing will change that. Should I kiss the kris and declare that Malay will live forever? I don’t think so because I don’t see the need of that. Just like telling everybody that the sky is high and the ocean is blue..who’s gonna give a damn!

Last night we had a couple of visitors to our surau. One was a new Muslim who needed some money to go for his study and another one needed money for her health care. I looked at them; one was dark and skinny….very different from the rest of us and another one said she is from Orang Asli tribe; also looked very different from us. But the spirit in the surau last night was unique almost magical. Everyone chipped in and sent them home with handful of cash and loads of clothes. I mean I did not see the darkness of his skin or the awkwardness of his clothing, I saw a human being in dire needs, struggling to live. It’s easy to send them off and say that this is nothing but a scam to get our money. But we did not do that last night, I did not do that. I looked into his eyes and saw sincere hope for better future. I tried to convince myself that I had done the right thing. Don’t be so judgmental, whatever he’ll do with the money is his takings, you have done your duty. Come back and see us after you finished your study, OK. I told him under that dimmed surau lightings. He nodded and smiled. The bike took him away and disappeared into the darkness as my eyes followed the broken tail light. He waved goodbye. I guess that’s good enough for me.