As we live our life for
the past 50 years or so, we have met so many types of people. Some have become
so close to us while the others have been our casual accompaniment. We learnt
along the way the important of friends and the value of friendship. In the office,
among neighbors, sport clubs, classmates, university-mates, short course-mates,
warung-mates etc …. the circles of friends have blossomed. Some might have
bigger circles, no doubt about that. However, which one is the most dearest to
us? If you think closely, majority will agree that friends from old school have
a special place in our heart. A unique relationship that has bound us together.
I’m not exaggerating if I say that we have been through thick and thin
together. We experienced that life can be both blessed and brutal. That the one
labeled “apa laa nak jadi dengan kamu ni ?” has become a CEO or a successful
financier/banker. Once we value friendship, trust is a reward. We trust
somebody not just for the reason of knowing that person, but because we are
friends. Special friends will earn special trust. But if that special trust has
been destroyed, we are betrayed. This is the worst and unspeakable character of
a person.
The excitement to meet
again after so many years of silence was phenomenal. It has been 33 years, to
be exact, since our last departure. After the SPM back in 1981, we went our
separate ways. Some were lucky enough to be flown to the USA, Australia or
United Kingdom; and quite a number remained. We experienced life and learnt the
hard and soft parts of living, the happy and sad episodes of life and went
through it regardless of the circumstances. And the exciting part of this
re-union is to celebrate one thing---survival. We have survived the hardship of
life where many might have fallen out. We have been through the rough edges of
life that have claimed our dreams or hopes, stolen our beloved ones, or ruined
our precious relationship. But we marched on like an injured soldier in a
fierce battlefield; and survived the bitter war. It calls for a celebration and
this reunion is everything about that. In the beginning I was not too keen to
join the event although it’s just half an hour drive from my doorsteps; I have
been to many reunions and everything about it is the same. The enthusiasms are
highly charged, expectations sometime are heart-wobbling, nostalgia reigns
supreme, old wounds would bleed again and some unfinished business would see a
new beginning. I went with warmth nostalgic memories but often returned home
feeling so empty and lonely. I can hardly manage those feelings due to reasons
that I don’t know to explain myself; maybe the reconnection to the past times
is not good to a man at my age. That’s only my guess. The thing is that I don’t
need to feel empty and lonely again because I have a home and a family that I
love very much. They will never leave me; but friends do...they come and go.
Sometime they come back again but some never
do. Maybe this one is different
,I don’t know.
I, myself, haven’t met
many of my old friends; despite the fact that some are living nearby. As I
flipped through the old photos, the emotions are just overwhelmed. I now know
where I’ve nurtured the strength to live my life thus far. I used to blame my
friends for what they have done to me. Giving me hard time and calling me names
until I hate myself for being such a useless shit. The pains are still here as
a constant reminder that life can be shit sometimes. Now I realize that my
friends have been the reasons behind the things that I have and achieved in my
life. If I were to name one quality that was carried over from my previous life
would be determination. I was constantly intimidated by my friends and even
teachers and that history has transformed me into someone with a solid sense of
determination. I always have that picture of myself as a poor child being
pushed around by his friends and I constantly remind myself not to be that poor
child anymore; not now or ever. My experience in that boarding school is a dark
one only my friends kept me company. I tagged along like a sick puppy that has
lost its way home. I want to see and meet my friends not only to say hi and
goodbye but to thank everyone for the memories and times of the past. I long to
reminiscence those times with my good old friends; well only if they showed up
.....The days in SMS Kelantan have always been special to me. It was really my
home away from home; the place I grew up to know the world...and my own self.
It
was as if yesterday
When
we rolled into the smelly dorms
Tried
to learn about life
With
blue skirts , green pants and dusty chalks
The
future was drawn
The
inevitability was revealed
The
fate was uttered
Life
seemed hollow
It’s
for the olds and grumpies
As
if we were stuck there
For reasons we never comprehended
It
was 1977……when it all began
Memories
remain
For
the pains that never heal
For
the gains that never last
And
mates that sealed in the heart
We
were the same lot
We
wished the same list
We
whispered the same songs
We
slept the same dreams
We
were nothing
miserable,
confused and lost
now
……
We
list our own wishes
We
play our own melodies
We
live our own dreams
With
pride and satisfaction
Never
to forget
The
whimps that gave us power
The
goonies that gave us laughter
The
sissies that gave us strength
The
geeks that gave us agility
They
are friends
That give us life
…now
and then
Remember
when it all began
It was 1977
As I drove to Seremban,
the faces from yesterdays were coming back. Maybe today I will have the chance
to celebrate those moments again and be thankful for being “ the wind beneath
my wings”...only if they showed up of course. I hope to recognize them right away, shake
their hands and feel the friendship again. It has been awhile, I know, but
friends would never forget their old friends. I hoped so. The Friday traffic to
Seremban was bad as usual but that did not hinder me from feeling nostalgic and
strangely warm inside. All of the sudden, the tears came rolling down my cheeks
and I was overwhelmed with emotions of the past; damn, I missed them so much.
As I entered the lobby a big poster with a lot of strange faces was put up on
the wall.OMG! so many of them, so strange, so......old. Who are these people? I
asked repeatedly as I scanned the banner on the wall. After a while, I could
recognise them I was somehow shocked to see how much they have changed; but
beneath the faces lie the youthful
character downloaded from the memory of the past. They are all my friends
alright and they are all here. The excitement was unbelievable as a number of
them were there in the lobby. So what would you say to an old friend ? nothing.
You looked beyond those flappy cheeks and skinny heads and giggled to every
uttered word. But basically you said nothing. Let’s hold everything else and
cherish the moments, shall we? Yup I did that. It was the most beautiful
moments that I have cherished for a long time.
As the evening
developed, more and more faces emerged from the shadow. The faces that I longed
for quite a while. Wondering what has happened to this fella and that fella.
Well they are all here trying to figure out who are they talking to. The
atmosphere was chaotic as if everyone was trying to make up for something that
has been lost for a long time. The name callings were at top of the voices. But
everyone was happy and hilarious as the night witnessed the most important
reunion for these people. The food was plenty but not many were indulged into
the curry or roasted lamb. We have more important agenda on the menu---to catch
up the lost time. These are my classmates---days and nights---for five years.
And I would say those were the most important years of my life. The time my
friends and I struggled to understand the world. I am not sure we have
understood it as it should be understood but we have gone through the thick and
thin of it. And survived. And here we are telling everyone about our story and
things of the past.
My school days ……. full of memories
The
good , the bad and the ugly ones
It
was the best school you could possibly go, they all said
The
best in hell I supposed
It
was like yesterday when we first met
Together
we sat in a class wondering….
When can we go home ?
Some
faces looked nice and so friendly
The
others blank and lost
But
later they all had one thing in common
Bold and brutal
Ready to kick ass who ever in the
way
Come
day or night
Form
One was always exciting
The
teacher came in and asked where have all the chalks gone
I
went away and came back with a bunch
They
made me a monitor for that effort
Not
that I know how to be one
Just
wanted to impress the girls … the pretty li’l girls
I
tried to get one … the girls I mean
But
never succeeded…they went for the macho ones
I
dreamt on …until I realized that’s what I’m good at … dreaming
They
called me names (never mind…no need to
spell that out)
For
the stupid face with no hair and the
sweet li’l ass that I got
The
following year was terrible … I mean hell !
The
big boys knew about my sweet li’l ass
And started to chase me around when
the lights went out
I’d end up at the place where I
always hide…. the toilet
Sometime I woke up and still there
…. in the toilet
I
was weak and small and never put up a fight
So
lonely and confused I could not imagine
how
I got through all those years
full
of misery
The
memories remain to remind
That
life can be shit ...
But
the brutality of the past
Could
seed a strength to live
Enduring
the hardship that comes with every happy moment
Thank
you , my friend
For
being there with me
Being
the wind beneath my wings
For
the flight of life has taken me
Over
the rainbows
To
the place I never imagined
May
God reward and bless you always ......
