Bits and Pieces

New Dean, Old Dilemma

2012-01-06T18:09:00.003+08:00

Today, Friday the 6th of January, 2012, has seen the first meeting with our new Dean. Everyone seemed excited and was looking forward to this inaugural meeting...and no one was late. I was excited myself to see how our new Dean plan to bring new changes to the faculty. It’s typical I guess to have someone like me expecting something out of ordinary from our new boss...to bring some kind of miracles and change things. But isn’t that the last thing one should do in this circumstance...waiting and expecting. You cross your arms , bit your lips and whisper to yourself....hmmmm.....let’s see what she can do... as one of the staff members you would feel perfectly okay to do that . I mean nothing much will change if you think otherwise. But as a leader that will put you so isolated at the top and while sitting there alone you must have been hoping for God to grant you some kind of miracle as well. You want to get out of this misery. One miserable head and a bunch of miserable staff will make a meeting very interesting. But that’s not what happened in my meeting this morning. It was alright I guess; jovial and refreshing. A bit of tensed moments here and there but that’s normal in decision-making. Nevertheless, I did feel the old dilemma still kept hitting my head over and over again. So what’s the dilemma? You know what, I don’t know myself how to spell it out; but there remained something unfinished and unfulfilled. The bright smiling face of our new Dean just could not convince me that there will be changes around here soon. I am tired of hearing that the fund has dried out and we could not do this and that. The same old excuses for the same old applications for student’s activities. The same old fear for the same old “new policy in the faculty”. I was not happy because I saw the same old stressful future ahead of me. It’s like a dark and frightening road to my grandma’s. I always feared that and the 15-minute walk seemed like an eternity. I thought I would never have to go through that old road again; but here it is again right in front of me.

Meeting is always a stressful exercise, and if it is dealt with so seriously, it will be so deadly stressful. Deadly stress is not good for an old man like me. I was looking for something cheerful and colorful for a Friday morning but sadly I hit a big white and blank concrete wall. I just did not know what to do with it. Maybe I am being too paranoid for some thing trivial. There must be a solution to this dilemma..and as someone said..if you can’t find a solution then YOU must be the problem... you know what—I hate that expression. If you can’t work it out then blame yourself....this pitiful self-torture has to go; it is nothing but irreponsible authority keeping its hands clean. Would you say this to your child : if you fail than have yourself to blame not me or anybody else! Maybe you find it okay but I think it is a bit unfair---I found a sense of loneliness in there as if I were sent to a solitary confinement—to rot and die.

There is a lot of work to do in this faculty; things to keep the faculty afloat againt the high tides of today’s demands ; publish or perish (an inherited shit from the US), globalisation, world class ranking, research university, and some other things that I don’t want you to puke over it. The amount of work that will not make you see the end of the day....it’s just endlessly tiring. One semester after another, one year after another and soon you will find yourself lying helplessly at the end of your journey in life. Before that inevitability, I want to see myself as a small solution in the big problem. It does not matter how big the problem is; i jus wanna be a small insignificant solution. So help me God.

Biarlah.....aku ingin menangis

2012-01-01T00:39:00.000+08:00

Di bawah dentuman bunga api

Di celah kesesakan kenderaan malam

Dalam kebengitan pesta tahun baru

Aku terdampar menagih satu kepastian

Tentang keimanan dan kelalaian

Tentang nikmat dan kesyukuran

Tentang haq dan kebathilan

Tentang dosa dan kesombongan insan

Dentuman memecah hening iman

Mengajak insan terus berleka

Jauhnya hari perhitungan

Kerna esok baru bermula

Tahun baru, semangat baru, serba baru

Lupa akan dosa dosa semalam

Hilang bersama kepulan kepulan bunga api

Harus kah aku berbangga

Dengan harapan dan resolusi ruapan

Dari budaya yang meracun akidah

Ku ingin lari ke gua Hira’

Bersama Muhammad dan tangisan hatinya

Merenung dan meratapi umat yang lalai

Ku ingin menangis bersama Rasulku

Mengenang umatnya yang tersimpang jauh

Dari keampunan dan kesucian nurani

Biarlah aku menangis

Dalam qiam dan sujud

Memohon sekelumit ihsan dari yang Esa

Agar hidayah kan terus mencurah

Dan keredhaan yang diimpikan

Ku ingin terus menangis

Dalam dakapan malam nan indah

Bersama zikir dan doa munajat

Menambat hati dalam rindu Ilahi

Menanti Fajar dan sinaran keimanan

Biarlah...aku ingin menangis

1 Januari 2012

Shah Alam

Selangor

On The Edge of Insanity

2011-12-30T10:08:00.002+08:00

This is not a complain because I believe no one will be listening. This is neither a question because I know there are definitely answers for it ;nor this any quality improvement suggestion because I know things will be the same again next year. This is more of a frustration that I have experienced while going for Haj this year with Tabung haji Muassasah which I know could be done better; we deserved to be treated a lot better. I was placed in Maktab 94 along with other 400 or so jemaah haji (JH) Malaysia. When the journey started from Kelana Jaya, we were taken to the airport with a convoy of buses; whisking through the busy highways with motorists had to stop and gave us the way. We felt so proud and so mighty when everyone tried to take a glimpse of our buses and trying to figure out where we taken to. I guess that’s the only memorable thing about this trip. The charted Saudia plane took off around 1.30 in the morning. It was an old plane with no movies or games to kill the jitters away. When asked , the Indon stewardess harshly told us off with some excuses. She was rude for a cabin crew of an international airline. So there was nothing else to do for the rest of the long flight to Jeddah except sleeping and dreaming for a better day tomorrow.

The morning air in Jeddah was cool and refreshing. An Indon guy came around and offered a prepaid. Ah- he must know this business very well as there is good money in it. I bought one I think and my wife bought hers later on in Makkah. The phone is one thing you must have with you , working and all, all the time. Especially if you have other member of your family with you. Each one must have a working handset---for communication purposes. So that one I think cost me about 40 riyals. We called home and told them we have arrived in Jeddah and everything was Okay. Yes indeed so far things have been surprisingly good. We got on the bus and taken to Makkah to a place called Misfalah about 1.5 km form the Grand Mosque. The place that will be our home for the next month or so. The hotel was good; everything including the bed, the toilet and the airconditioner are in order.

...and the food........

Well,the food was good at first but then after a few days it had started to turn into a squirmish thing stuffed in an aluminium container. We complained but ,you know, when one complaint was replied with a thousand excuses, we knew it was not going anywhere. And Tabung Haji staff just could not do anything other than just giving excuses regarding the massive volume that they have to cater for. Then later the food just not fit for human consumption at all; we could see them all littered around the dustbin and along the alley.

In Arafah, the food was better and tastier. Unfortunately, one JH choked and died while eating the food. Can you imagine the status of medical aid that we had over there? Unbelievably minimal not as we were told during the course that medical help is a non-issue, they have plenty of doctors to go around. Not very true I’m afraid. During the flight back I had a medical emergency and came to know that there was no TH doctor on the flight.

Mina was a nightmare for Maktab 94. We had many senior citizens among us and many had to take medication and that means they have to have their meals on time. On the first day we saw our lunch pack at 7 in the evening and dinner pack at 1 a.m. in the morning. Then when we complained, the second day saw a normal meal time; but then the third day it was a mess again. Again TH staff just could not say much and told us off with some excuses. On the third day we were to leave for Makkah and waited for the bus to come and picked us up. The buses were supposed to come in the morning but not seen until late afternoon. No breakfast or lunch were provided so you can imagine how hungry we all were, running around to catch a bus that was already filled up. Many of us were so exhausted including our pakcik and makcik that never complained because they believed in TH and how TH would never make them suffer. I saw them with a shattered heart and flowing tears; swearing to my dear God that when I returned I would let everyone back home knows the real situation.That’s the motivation for writing this article. I would sent my old mom to haj under TH care because I believed they can take care of her but believe me if she could not run like the others she would be left there alone.The truth is --no one really cared. Usually the the travelling time from Mina to Makkah is about half an hour in a normal day but that day it took us 7-8 hours to reach Makkah. Some of the buses could not reach our hotel as they stucked in the traffic jam; so my pakcik and makcik had to walk for a good distance with the empty stomach and their bags to reach the hotel rooms. And during all these ordeals no one form TH were in sight. No ONE. One of our pakcik had a heart attack due to the stress and died. We offered prayers for him after Fajr the next morning. The thing that I don’t understand is that TH dealt with these circumstances as if they have done it for the first time. I think someone should go to TH headquarters and shake up the building for they have been sleeping for a long time now. It’s time to let them know that the honeymoon time in Makkah and Medina has long passed, they have to buck up and do some work for our pakcik and makcik. The living condition in Mina also was beyond anyone’s imagination. The worst scenario was at the toilets. What would you feel when your bladder was about to explode and you went rushing to the toilet just to see a queue with 5-6 persons infront of you.Terrible is not a good word for it; “^%$#!” is more like it. But JH had their own solution for it by peeing into the mineral bottles. It’s true and the phrase “desperate situations demand desperate measures” was proved in living colors. One makcik from Thailand (we shared the place with JH from Thailand) desperately needed to go but as the queue was long she just did it right there in front of us. I just could not believe my eyes and turned away; my toilet session had turned into something else...it was the edge of insanity.

I passed by an old makcik once ,while in Mina,and wondering why she was runsacking the garbage bin. The bin was full of dirty gluey phlegm, spit and what not.”What are you doing makcik?” I asked in Malay. “Makcik had a gigi palsu on, then makcik coughed and vommited into this bin and lost the gigi palsu with it....I am looking for it now” she said desperately as she dipped into the bin further down. “ Oh My God!” I said to myself a few times. I did not know what to do and pity this makcik but I was not going to dip my hands into that dirty gluey garbage, NO!. That was too much for me. No one from TH was there to help her.I left and did not have a heart to turned and see whether that makcik was still there or not.

Everytime when TH or any media in Malaysia talk about haj and jemaah haji Malaysia, we are flashed with the smiling faces of JH doing something in Arafah or Mina. The reality is far beyond that and the worst thing is that many of JH believe whatever happened to them is a predetermination and for them to endure such difficulties. I just could not let this whole terrible things to continue, that’s all, because from my experience TH can do a lot better and we, including my pakciks and makciks, deserve a lot better. TH has failed in many areas of this whole haj operations and they have to shake up a few bee hives to correct some of them. I hope no one will ever have to experience haj as I did last season.

Does money define your dignity?

2011-12-29T11:35:00.002+08:00

All civil servants are now in dilemma yet again. To opt or not to opt the new salary scheme called SBPA. It offers new salary and reactivates the classic “ass-kissing” way of promotion. The increment ranges from 300 to a whopping 5K and as usual the higher end belongs to the higher ranking civil servants. In my term, the professors receive the biggest increment and I as usual will be at the other end. The deadline to opt is at end of the year but due to some loopholes in the scheme some people feel victimized and report a complaint not to the police but straight to the PM. And with ‘mesra rakyat’ slogan the PM office could not say NO but postpone the deadline for a review. The loophole seems to be at the middle-higher structure of the scheme. The transfer to the new scheme will put a 10-year senior at the same salary spot with a newly appointed junior. A 10-years associate professor, for example, will have the same salary with a newly appointed associate professor. Where is the fairness in this? ,someone asked. The government should recognize our seniority and reward accordingly. It’s not about money, but our dignity, they seem to justify. And how much money/salary range that we are talking here -7-8K basic salary per month. With all the allowances that will easily come up to at least 10K per month but people just never satisfy. We want more and more.

But we can’t blame anybody now as money seems to define our life. Students are given RM200 for the books, the BR1M gives RM500 to buy groceries and everyone gets a bigger fatter wallet at the back pocket. We have become so caught up counting money we never realized that we have turned capitalists; where money is everything. Every single drop of sweat has a dollar sign and things won’t move unless you pay for it to move. Day by day we can feel all these coming to our doorsteps and soon will get into our hearts and minds. We have become so much like the West, so modern and advanced. But are we not aware that the West is going bust in their economy----the capitalist. Are we going the same way ?

We seem to forget the strength that we have all along called Islam. some of us hate it because the West hate it. They have painted everything bad about Islam and we just follow. In Islam dignity is not about dollars and cents but one’s closeness to God .For some it’s hard to comprehend, as being good won’t buy you lunch or feed your children. Our modern society has isolated the thing called faith from our everyday life. The thing that we know will make our life easier---faith not the money. But it’s difficult to realize that until we change our perspective of life. The thing is not easy but can be done. Make doa and he will show the way, InsyaALlah.

So choose the right word to define your dignity and your life. And choose the right people to govern and define our society.

Among friendly strangers

2011-12-21T11:45:00.004+08:00

It was wet and gloomy Saturday but I was feeling strangely funky. It was supposed to be a busy Saturday with an outstation appointment in Kuantan and my already-missing-many-hours-class in the afternoon. But my FB status read “ OK everything else can wait, I’m going to my WSU reunion”. It was two days away and had to make a few phone calls to ”divert” the task and free my Saturday. Well you know the little mouse has to move swiftly and discreetly so not to wake up the big bossy cat...so to speak.In the beginning I was not too keen to join the event although it’s just 10 minutes drive from my doorsteps; I have been to many reunions(read about WSU Reunion 2010 here) and everything about it is the same. The enthusiasms are highly charged, expectations sometime are heart-wobbling, nostalgia reigns supreme, old wounds would bleed again and some unfinished business would see a new beginning. I went with warmth nostalgic memories but often returned home feeling so empty and lonely. I can hardly manage those feelings due to reasons that I don’t know to explain myself; maybe the reconnection to the past times is not good to a man at my age. That’s only my guess. The thing is that I don’t need to feel empty and lonely again because I have a home and a family that I love very much. They wil never leave me; but friends do...they come and go. Sometime they come back again but some never do. Maybe this one is different ,I don’t know.

The afternoon sky continued to sprinkle but it did not dampen my spirit to be with my friends. My thoughts played and replayed the old faces that might be there. The things that we did in the many summers in Wichita or the many nights during the cold Midwerstern winters. Enduring the slippery icy roads to buy groceries at Foodbarn or Safeway. The long drives to visit friends for summer holidays or winter breaks. I long to enjoy reminiscent of those times with my good old friends; well only if they showed up .....The days in Wichita have always been special to me. It was really my home away from home; the place I grew up to know the world...and my own self. I never had a chance to go my own way before that; I lived the life of other people---my family, my school teachers etc always someone else charted the way how to live my life. But in Wichita I played my own songs and picked my own melodies. I drew the picture of my life the way I wanted it to be; sometime it took me to places and made me do things out of my ordinary mind frame. I fell and tumbled but always had the energy to get up and get going again. I had my friends with me that I could rely and get help. Maybe today I will have the chance to celebrate those moments again and be thankful for being “ the wind beneath my wings”...only if they showed up of course. The bad times in Wichita were not so bad at all; even when I failed so many classes I did not feel failed or stupid. But it took me to conquer the subject until I was so comfortable with it---the subject like English and Maths. I now know that classroom lessons like my academic classes did not help me too much to learn about life. They were boring and not fun at all. Especially the summer classes when you had to drag yourself to the class when everyone else was enjoying the summer sun shines. But I failed a lot in many relationships which I hope will not turn this reunion into an ugly Malay drama.Ahh..I’m sure she’s not coming and that ugly boyfriend is no longer her mate...maybe he’s dead for all I care. No I think I’m okay...it was not that serious..I was mainly “perasan syok sendiri” kind of thing. I was really bad in that category...with the lady and all.....never knew how to ”mengorat”; in the end---aah what the heck!...susah betul nak layan minah sorang ni....and that was the end of everything.

I know the place of the event very well; I came to smash the little white balls every now and then. But today I came without the set, the cap and the towel but with warm and happy feelings to meet the faces that have been disappeared for more than 25 years. Such a long time but ironically felt just like a few years ago. Time really flies when you are old. I went in and greeted everyone. The surprise faces and handshakes follow every greeting. At first, I felt so out of place..were they really my friends? Of course they were but I could not remember their names. Are they strangers to me now? I hope not; strangers don’t greet you like that. I did not eat that much because I was not hungry but took the food anyway just to be in the queue and made myself similar to everyone else. After the what?Who?Why?Where?and when? Questions I didn’t know how to continue, the conversations immediately died---usually happen when you talk to strangers. I moved on , snapped a few photos and greeted another person. Soon I met everyone but my buddies were not there. So I was right---only strangers come to a reunion.

The committee has done a good job, I must say. It’s not easy to put together an event like that---someone must be sacrificing a lot of money and effort to see this event materialized. I hope he or she will be happy as so many of us had turned up. And I also hope for me to have a chance to continue supporting them in whatever way I can. Maybe this one event didn’t turn to be as I expected but who knows what will happen in the future---things will come your way insyaALlah.

Night Before The Wukuf

2011-12-09T23:58:00.001+08:00

Setting up our own dinner for a little celebration before going to Arafat

Chicken mandy

Fruit salad made by Major Edi and family

we pooled together to buy some drinks and fruits as well

a bit of kambing also

Me, Ustaz and Abg Mat

Hj Zahar (in black) spent time buying all the stuff

Abg Ayob, Abg Suhaimi and wife

The ladies

Hjh Zainab(Major Edi's Mom) Hjh Arfah and Hjh Salwana

Major Edi (middle)

Our place in Mina

So What's for dinner?

2011-12-09T18:17:00.000+08:00

Those with muasassah-TH will have this for dinner

I don't mind eating out of an aluminium container but can you give me a decent nasi and lauk. The only thing tht's good about it is the nice cover other than that it didn't taste like food. So don't judge it by its cover.

Daily Morning activities at Masjidil Haram

2011-12-09T15:38:00.002+08:00

After Fajr prayers would be the most crowded time at the Kaabah courtyard. That 's the best time to do the tawaf--cool and refreshing. but when too many people trying to do it at the same time, the enjoyment turned into a big hassle.

Beautiful Dhuha sunshine at al Haram


Tawaf on the first floor

another view of tawaf crowd at the Kaabah

Hujjaj from India

The crowd got bigger and bigger

Doing Tawaf on the first would a bit easier but takes longer lime

Turkish ladies

Maqam Ibrahim

Back To Work

2011-12-08T15:47:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah, I am back. I guess I have missed a lot of things around here. That’s good because you know life did go on as usual with or without you. Now that I am here at the office everything has started to come back again ...the letters, the meetings, the orders etc. I should not complain too much, I know, this IS my job. Anyway, on the other side of the coin, I am proud to know our students have won that Multimedia competition and some have also won at Promed’11. Congratulations to all lecturers that have contributed their time and effort into these; directly or indirectly. I hope those involved have some kind of official appointment so you will get some merits out of these as well, of course, along with niat ikhlas and good deeds. A big congratulation goes to Dr Normaly as our latest “warrior” came back with full medal from his PhD battle. This success I hope can motivate others to endure all challenges and complete theirs as well. I know a lot more are in the pipeline and waiting to submit so I pray for their strength to proceed and finish it with a successful note. Lan Ismail and Su are back from the land down under; I wish them all good luck and hope their return will enlighten our department with new and a fresh zest of knowledge. Congratulations also go to the recipients of Anugerah Perkhidmatan Cemerlang (APC 2010) which this time includes truly yours. A small token of appreciation every now and then from UiTM is good; in my case, after 20 years of service. It’s good to know that your boss has finally recognised you...20 years later. But I just could not imagine that it took that long for people to acknowledge your contribution. I am not sure to be happy or sad. But with or without the award, I will be here doing what I know I can do---teaching and learning...hmmm maybe a bit of research. And also congratulations to those who have just come back from Haj ( including myself of course) which reserves separate physical as well as spiritual experience for the body and soul. Maybe many more success stories occurred in our department that deserve a celebration, let it be known so we can tumpang gembira. As the new Hijri year started to make its way and carves more histories, we ponder as to where our journey in life will take us next. Yesterday, as my dear friend and our colleague from Business Faculty (Adam Mat) passed away (dengue case); we know death is always close to us. As we celebrate our good times let’s not forget things that will eventually come to us.

Let’s take this semester to a good close and thank you for all the support and time spent for the department. God bless.

Day One- KLIA-Jeddah-Makkah

2011-10-17T15:47:00.001+08:00

The journey was OK on a Saudi Airline. We were on the upper deck of B747—nothing special just less crowded. The journey took about 8 hours; it seems a long one but we mainly slept most of the time so it’s not so bad. They did not even put the movies on, buckeroo sungguh..but again pakcik makcik bakal haji don’t watch movies, right. So nothing much to do on this flight. I joined everyone and slept most of the way. Only to wake up whne they serve meals; one early into the flight and another one an hour before the landing. Which one was dinner and which one was a breakfast, I did not really care---airline food tastes the same regardless. With the iphone technology we managed to find the current time and place for Fajr prayers. It was over Kolkata, India when the Fajr Sidq was spotted. If you need more information on in-flight solat please go to zaharuddin.com where Ustaz Zaharuddin gives detail arguments on this issue. Tabung Haji practices “solat hormat waktu” for all the bakal haji; referring to doing the solat in your seat with or without wudhuk, facing to the front and then qadha it later on. I think that’s is too lenient for something very important such as solat.

In Jeddah

The Hajj terminal in Jeddah has changed since the last time we were here in 1998. During that time the ground was only a tarmac and with very minimal facilities. Everything has changed and beautifully renovated ( maybe not as much as KLIA but good enough to welcome these third world passengers). The immigration services has also improved with quick and pleasant hospitality.

The queue at the immigration check-point. We were through in less than half an hour.

The waiting area for those coming in from SE Asia and this part is for Malaysia. Quite comfortable and the toilet was clean too.

Into The Journey of a Lifetime (2)

2011-10-15T00:21:00.001+08:00

Today is Friday; my last Friday before I shoot off to Mecca. The sermon was stale, tasteless as the hampas tebu outside the mosque. The young khatib read out the sermon like his form 3 presentation at school---I did not doze off but with that kind of sermon it was better off fly away with our thoughts to the never never land…..and date with Dorothy. I was excited really because earlier today I was given a clean bill of health by my doctor. I went for my final check-up and he was happy with my test result and of course I am happy too for myself. The adoption of strict regime of diet control and an array of medication have paid off. I pray to Allah for a continuous good health for the hajj.

I hope to finish up my packing by tonight. Nothing much really just to make sure that not a thing being left out. The news came in today that tabung haji can no longer transact money to bakal haji----those people are crazy and just to make things difficult for everybody because their banks would not get anything out of the transactions---and now they realize it and want the piece of the pie as well. But whatever it is most of us will have to carry a lot of cash. I did not get a chance to withdraw my money so I will go with whatever amount I have already, which is not that much. Mecca and Madinah are famous for shopping other than the places of worship----maybe this is not appropriate but some people can go @#$%! With the stuff and their price tags. Last time during the umrah trip a friend got a Rolex for under 2k, I have never seen a Rolex before so not sure that one was original or not, but I think so. I got a Rolex too for 50 rial, it’s broken and useless…what a waste. Can you fix it so the hand turns?, Nope! Said the Chinaman; why? ….. it’s fake, he said plainly. I hope I can control myself this time around and not too overly excited with shopping. No more fighting with Arab ladies and no more arguing with old makcik at the dining hall over a seat at the table. I will go with nothing to win, nothing to lose or nothing to fight for. I just want forgiveness from my Lord, a small space for my prayers, and a small opportunity to complete my hajj.

Another exciting stuff is food. Arabic cuisine is sumptuous, rich and superbly tasty, at least that’s what I think. Nothing close to the mandy dishes in Shah Alam. But to get one you have to fight your way in and beg to buy it like getting free stuff at a charity center, sometimes they just whuuuish you away with his Arabic or Turkish or whatever language that I knew it meant ---go away we are not selling! All the chicken burning in the oven and none for me…….hmmmm I just did not understand how these people work…….I mean buying food is not as simple as we used to in Malaysia, they have these weird ways of wheeling and dealing. Try buying food in a restaurant and you will know what I am talking about. But it was good I tell you. The cheap way around is to get yourself a big round of bread and eat it with butter or yogurt. I will try that this time around and see how long I can last. I don’t want to rely on food given by TH because you have to go back and forth for the meals and that means joining the big crowd every time you leave the mosque.
InsyaALlah, He will show the way……

Into The Journey of a Lifetime (1)

2011-10-13T22:53:00.003+08:00

Days are counting down for my wife and I to go on that trip again. The hajj trip. It isn’t our first time but the excitement seems to be mounting on until it has started to become an anxiety. Long journeys make me sweating at night and nervous like the time tok mudin was about to cut off that part of my penis. The time I wished the world should spin faster and faster. The good news came in early Shawal through a phone call saying that our plea to go for hajj this year has been considered and there might be a couple of seats if we are interested. From that moment onwards I just could not stop thanking the Almighty Allah for His blessings upon us. Although this would not be our first trip to Mecca; the opportunity to go back to the holy land alone is unbelievably ecstatic. Maybe some of us who had been there would understand the feeling of joy and serenity for being there; the place where it all started. Then the rush began to do medical check up, making sure the passport is still valid and attending all the courses required for all bakal haji (future hajj). With that little time and short notice we managed to get everything done including the Kursus Perdana (the one they gathered everyone from the whole state and do the practical part of hajj.) Well, everything is practical in hajj but the simulation during this kursus really gave experience to some especially how to handle one self and the other half with the huge crowd. I followed this kursus as closely as I could, when the tears could not stop flowing I know this trip would not be the same as the previous ones. As if my soul and my mind were so happy for having this chance again. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.

The medical report cleared me as a healthy bakal haji but I know it could turn otherwise in any moment of time. I pray to Allah for my wife and I to be healthy and strong throughout this trip. I went for a stress test and ran on that treadmill with my chest strapped down to a computer. I thought it was simple and easy ; but hey please don’t underestimate, the test was serious and strained your heart to the limit. The test started with an easy walk, then the speed was increased and the floor has slowly become an uphill track. I think the level was changed a few times during the test until I finally breathed through my nose and I was gulping for air to keep me running. Then it stopped at 98% performance with the blood pressure was clocked at 160/90 ( I don’t know why he did not go for 100% performance , the doctor never explained). I guess that’s good enough. The verdict was OK; my heart was able to function correctly with the pressure increases proportionately with the pace and came back down when the pace was slowed down. It’s supposed to function in that manner. However there is a slight abnormality (referred to as “borderline dilated”) of the heart due to my hypertension, it will take sometime to heal through medication, the doctor said. I am OK and feeling great so I hope will stay this way for a long time. But one thing I realize after that test is how vulnerable our heart really is. It’s soft and beating steadily 24/7; how come we don’t take a good care of it…someday it will stop beating you know. So I hope we can start now by eating well, exercise regularly and listen to our heart everyday. Every now and then let the doctor listen to the heart, he/she will tell you how healthy your heart is.

We also managed to do the khenduri as the way to tell everybody that we are going. I am not good at this really I mean I don’t know why I should let everybody know where I will be going—I will get nervous and all. But this time I just played along and invited everbody (well almost everybody). Only two out of all my 343 FB friends turned up.I guess it’s time to start a house cleaning and throw away some old furniture……hahahaha. Sorry bad joke!. They all sent me their well wishes instead, thank you all. It was a merry occasion, nonetheless, everyone in the neighborhood came over and wished my wife and I well. That’s all I asked for, I mean this is the first time we hold a khenduri since moving to this area about five years ago. I was happy to see them all. And I did not know that people give money too…..I felt so guilty as I never give money to people going haji…..I guess I should’ve learnt my lesson well.

My friends and colleague at the faculty have also conveyed their well wishes over and over again…until I decided to take an early cuti before the departure. People are so nice I really don’t know what/how to respond. I guess that’s our culture and traditions that our people have been practicing for a long time . Anyway, the preparation has come along very nicely I think. The work at the faculty has been handed over for the time, the classes have been rescheduled, the food has been stocked for a good one month or so, the kids are in order insyaAllah, the cars….well ..both are not well, one has a broken bearing and another a broken a/c compressor with a 3K price tag so let it be for a while, the cats have their food and litter box in order……..hmmmm..I guess that’s it…..I can start putting on the bracelet and try out the ihram cloth. It’s a bit tricky with the ihram cloth because you wear it without the underwear…..so you know….when my friend got breezy you will easily get a hard-on, an old man with his dick sticking out isn’t a pretty thing to see, need to practice so my friend will get used to without the undergarment. Things will be okay InsyaALlah.

To tell you the truth, I just can’t wait to get on that plane. I will be there for 44 days and that’s quite a long time to be away from everything back home. I don’t know what to expect…this time I really and completely leave everything to Allah.

LabbaikaALlah hummalabaik
Labbaikala syari kala kala baik
Innal hamda wa nikmata
La syarikalah

Moga Allah mempermudahkan segala urusan kami
Memberi kekuatan dan kesabaran mengharungi segala cabaran
Dengan hati yang tenang dan terbuka
Bersama jiwa yang bersyukur dan hati penuh taqwa
Kami datang ya Allah dalam keringat dosa
Mengharap keampunan dan kerahmatan Mu
Kami datang sebagai bukti hanya Mu Tuhan Maha Agung
Mengikut jejak amalan para rasul dan anbia
Mungkin pengorbanan ini kecil tapi inilah yang termampu
Terimalah doa dan pengorbanan ini Ya Allah
Dari insan kerdil yang berkelana di bumi Mu ini ………..

MQA Visit to UniKL

2011-08-04T00:32:00.001+08:00

There has been a while since my last visit to UniKL. The last visit was at the old place in Pertama Complex. Now they have this beautiful place right in the middle of busy KL.

Prof Dr Roslan (Dean) and his Deputy

The Management Staff

KL Tower

Jalan Sultan Ismail

Meeting with students

trying to explain why UniKL is the best...

Sumpah Marina

2011-07-31T00:36:00.002+08:00

Sang suria menyapa sepi
Merentas gelombang selat Melaka
Dalam termenung di kamar sunyi
Aku berbicara dengan sang bayu
Kenapalah aku di sini
Datang lagi membawa diri dan sanubari

Untuk dikenal dan mengenali
Merintih kasih membelai faham
Dalam berlari dan bermain-main
Mendaki bukit menurun lurah
Selagi kudrat ini terkandung badan
Dan kaki ini larat berlari
Kan ku tempuh semua ini
Biar ditawakan ulang kali
Mencemuh dan mencemeh
Macam orang tua nak mampos

Ku datang ada hajat
Ku pergi ada sebab
Ku kembali ada matlamat
Ku pulang dengan sumpah….
Akan ku bina bangsa ini
Agar mampu mendongak melihat alam
Mendabik dada menyata rasa
Mendokong cita-cita

Akan ku isi jiwa-jiwa yang kosong
Dengan semangat juang yang
Mampu mengharung lautan
Bisa meredah belantara
Bercita menggapai bintang-bintang
Ku tiupkan ruh iman dan islam
Agar terus memamah pahit kehidupan

Usah dikira wang dan ringgit
Usah dikira keringat yang menitis
Usah dihitung masa berlalu
Anak-anak sedang menuggu
Untuk belajar dan berbicara
Tentang hidup dan kehidupan

Akan ku jadi bak pepohon
Menghijau dan melata
Meneduh dan melindung
Insan-insan dari keperitan hidup
Moga dedaun kan terus merimbun
Sumpah berkelana
Untuk ribuan tahun lagi

Marina Cove
24 July 2011

The Surau

2011-07-30T00:01:00.003+08:00

A very unique indeed to this year’s teambuilding. There was a dedicated surau for us to pray and hold kuliah. Congratulations to the AJK for putting this extra effort forward. I know there must be some cost involved to rent the room but the availability shows our concern to the better and bigger spirit of teambuilding. There would be a time when the surau is one of the venue for the activity. I hope this trend will continue in the future. Looking at the usage of this surau, the best term to describe it is the word pathetic. Just like in the kampong, surau is for the olds and retired persons only. If this old man can monkey-jump sideways,hug the smelly guy on the giant slipper and coconut bowl like you don’t have enough change to go to the bowling alley, then those young ones can sit down with us and read something like they have just lost a handphone to play with.

Teambuilding is about understanding each other and that is to understand what the others are doing. We had a full schedule at the surau but everytime it seemed to be half-full (well half-empty is more like it). Maybe the program was not suitable for the young ones, maybe the program was as “old-fashioned” as those olf folks, or maybe people just find an excuse for not going. Whatever it was, I think it is a good start and we must remember the next time we plan the teambuilding program---never to overlook this spiritual event. If we could utilize a couple of hours in the early morning to set our common goal in life and connect everyone with the faculty in a religious context , we might find a key to our solidarity as one faculty. Religious sensitivity in the faculty can also be tolerated by having understanding on our practices. This is not only between Muslim and non-Muslim but also among Muslim ourselves. We have different views on Islam and practice differently according to our own understanding of Islam. The thing is that it is good to go back to Islam but we want everyone to understand what we do, for everyone to avoid overlooking Islamic practices when a particular program is designed. When we hold meetings at all levels, the agenda must include doa pembukaan ,doa penutup and observe the prayers time. The outdoor activities must observe proper dress codes, strict gender interactions, and prayers time. The understanding of all these requirements won’t be exercised if everyone is ignorant of the need and importance of the practices.

I would like very much to see spiritual empowerment being nurtured in the next teambuilding program. Program Qiam to be one of the activities in the agenda to train the hearts and the minds sensitive to iman and islam; which has a powerful binding medium between differing and contrasting souls. I hope someone will understand all these and put them into real events.

The Movie

2011-07-29T08:40:00.004+08:00

Tn Hj and Abd Rahman were busy editing the montage

In the evening, Tn Hj Shafie set up our teambuilding mood with a brilliant movie “Lashkar pelangi”. It’s about a kampong life in Belitung Indonesia and how this remote community struggled to save its dying sekolah agama rakyat. The story is about the realities of life and how each of us struggle to live and make a living; in the end some survived to live up to their dreams and some did not.The story is about the dreams we all have when we were kids like the rainbows in the horizon; so beautiful and colorful splashed across the sky. One character in the movie is the anak pesisir (anak nelayan), a genius kid, registered himself at the school and struggled to keep up with the school as he had to tend his small siblings because his father went off to the sea. That’s similar to our humble beginning and how poor we all were living in the 60s and 70s, but with the dream we struggled and make a better life. True enough, as in the movie, life does not always turn out to be as expected, the genius one was forced to be with his family while his friend had a chance to be in the place he always wanted to be ---Paris. They all seemed happy though no matter how bad life has treated them.

The ladies and I

The lady teacher, in another scene, sent a more direct message to us—“aku bukan impi ingin kahwin saudagar, Pak.....aku ingin jadi guru, dan di sini aku boleh jadi guru”. The school was a run down kampong house with no floor, no electricity or fancy cabinet; and yet this beatiful lady teacher chose to be there with the kids. The whole story was very emotional and touched deep inside; the tears trickle down my cheek as the movie went on. I saw this movie many times before but this time the atmosphere is different---there is a purpose behind the emotions. I guess this time the teambuilding event will be different from the one I used to attend before. I can start to smell the essence of academia and the connection that I need to mould between these strange faces. All of the sudden I felt a need to sort out my emotions and put them in proper places; I need to know some people. Looking around the hall, I was taken aback of how little I know these people...the names and faces look familiar but that do not seem to be enough.

Ice-breaking session

getting to know each other

fitting in sometime makes you bored

There is a gap between the olds and the young ones; there has always been a gap but this time this gap-thing has to go one way or another. I was very skeptical about it but again , if not now, when would be the right time to abolish this gap. The very young ones speak a different language, they really do, and most of the words are not in my vocabs. My children teach me a lot of these words; their meanings and the proper context of use. They have developed a whole new culture that without much effort to know them , they will drift away from “our society” and set their own world with separate values and norms. I consider myself “old” because it is easier for myself to be old rather than young. I “failed” my youth and have no plan to go back and reminiscence the “bad and dark” old days. We were young once and every one of us know how it was in the old days...very hard and brutal. But that’s a different story. For me it’s a big deal because I am not good with people; everything involves other people will make me lose some sleep at night. A man cannot be an island, they said; but for me it could be the best thing that can happen to a man like me. Anyway, we were assigned an apartment with 3-4 other persons. I was with Mr Lau, Adzhar CTN and En. Juhari; we have never sit down together and talk so I guess this is a very good opportunity to get to know each other better. And we did. Things will be a lot different later when we go back to the faculty.

My roomates : Azhar ,me and Juhari

The Trip

2011-07-27T16:45:00.003+08:00

The trip to Lumut took about three hours;three long hours. Maybe less I did not really care because it was one of those trips that would take you to the world of misery. Is it me the problem here or someone else? I asked this question because the aim of every teambuilding event is to make everyone understand each other; so we can work together with each other instaed of making each other miserable. I don’t feel to have any problem with my colleague except I hate that guy, one bitch over there and the stupid loud mouth over there....hhmmm I guess I do have problems with people, OK then let’s go and do this quickly. My mind went overdrive during the long hours of the trip. I didn’t feel like to chit chat but instead put on my earphone like a miserable teenager, pulled my cap down, crossed my arms tight and flew with my thoughts. I digged deep into the issue of why should I do this ? you know going down to Lumut and be with people. I wanted to blast some little balls and embrace the flight that will take my worries away. I wanted to smell the grass and the trees and the anxieties that came with it. But instead I have to sit here like a dork waiting to reach a destination that I knew I would not like. Life is again punishing me, so I thought. I just could not bare it anymore; I wish I could scream so the time stop going and the world stop moving and this pain could go away. People say to be positive with your thought; OK then I will be positive....maybe there is a cure to this pain over there at the place they called Marina Cove........

I guess this bus ride is the same as our “journey” at the faculty. A journey to fulfill our dreams and expectations in life. Some of us really believe this bus will take us somewhere to the better place; so they seem to enjoy the trip. There is also somebody that never believe in that nonsense; the ride for them seems long and boring. And there is also a group of us that not really going anywhere just to enjoy the bus ride ; they seem to enjoy themselves. I guess deep down I do believe this bus will take me somewhere, but I don’t really think about it because the place seems remotely far away. This bus ride is so bumpy; maybe because it is old or it’s just me thinking negatively again. I looked around and saw people...my colleague; we were together in this bus but strangely enough we were doing our own chores; reading, sleeping, eating, day dreaming, and there was someone just looking so bored. If this bus ride would take forever then someone will die a loner, I can tell you that.

The bus went through the coastal areas of Selangor and Perak. I have passed through this road before during my last trip to Lumut and everytime the whole stretch of kampongs and kebuns remind me the hard life of our regular folks in this land. How these folks are struggling to make the ends meet while their leaders are negotiating some billion dollars project with some foreigners ? my enquiring mind wants to know....

Despite the bumpy ride here and there we reached Marina Cove ahead of schedule. Alhamdulillah. So this is the place...hmmmm...I reserved my comments.

A Workshop on Genetic Algorithms

2011-07-18T17:19:00.000+08:00

Today has been a good and fruitful day for me at the faculty. My friends and I have conducted a workshop on " Using GA in your Research".About 30 people attended. The workshop started and ended beautifully without any hitch. Thanks to Mohd Razif and Latiffah Adam for the help.

Latiffah in action during the lab session.

Razif conducted the lab session

The nation is mourning the loss of a great politician(Almarhumah Dr Lo' Lo') an MP for Titiwangsa. My prayers are with almarhumah and the family.

I missed the meeting again today. But I did not know there was a meeting in the first place, so that's a challenge to keep up with the meeting call.with the workshop I could not attend the meeting after all.

When the fcuk-off letter is here

2011-06-29T18:37:00.002+08:00

Today I was officially given the letter “ Ucapan Penghargaan dan Terima kasih” ( aka the fcuk-off letter) that will end my brief tenure at this place called InED. I have no regret just disappointment for this brief period of my long career path holds a contrasting perspective of life and work; humanity and responsibility. When I came to this place less than a year ago, I was overly excited as I thought it could get me to know the world. Usually the work involves visiting the many franchised colleges that run UiTM’s programs; and they are all over Malaysia. Hoping for sunshine to last till the evening but the rain came in the afternoon (ku harap panas hingga kepetang tapi rupanya hujan di tengahari….). something like that. Actually I was not expecting much in the first place but once you got into it you would like to give it the best and as a human you expect nothing less in return. I think I have to work on that a bit more--- the part to expect something in return because this is usually where the pain begins; people don’t always give what you expect for sometime they have no ability to do so.

My career path is like a journey that I’m on. I saw this opportunity that I thought would take me somewhere in my journey so I grabbed it. It’s not going my way; I knew that for a fact but I embarked on it anyway only to know I was up for a bumpy ride. Let me put it another way; I was heading to KB; that was my aim and without any doubt I knew I would get there. For the moment there was no bus going to KB, so I have to wait for God knows when. A friend told me to get on this bus going to Kuantan and maybe from Kuantan there would be easier to find another bus going to KB. I guessed it was OK so I hopped on. Ironically I knew the driver, ok this is going to be a smooth ride after all. There were many passengers in the bus and I thought they were all going to Kuantan. As I went in to find a seat I realized many of them did not like the driver due to his reckless driving. Soon I found these people are a bunch of really nice people; caring and like to share their food with each other. They gossip the driver a lot though. I was quite comfortable sitting and chatting as I was accepted right away. I learned a lot from these people even though we met in this brief bumpy bus ride. Many of them are older than me so they treat me like their younger brother. I felt so honored to be working with these people ; but soon the bus will reach Kuantan and whether I like it or not my journey will end there. As we reach Kuantan the driver just kicked me out because he said I did not have the ticket and some other reasons that I did not understand myself. OK I am going just don’t push it. That what makes it so bitter, so fcuking bitter.

Back in the faculty the Dean asked me to hold a HOD position. For some reasons I can’t say no In UiTm a no is a big sin; as it means your refusal to accept responsibility to the university which is punishable by “ academic death”. You’re finished. So I said , let me think about it; and she said, OK but you must start now. That was about two weeks ago and I have been attending meetings and events without any formal appointment letter. It’s kind of hard because it’s like going to a battle without any weapon; what I can do is to avoid any attack and save my ass. As of now I have started to realize that this position is not a piece of pecan pie, soon my ass will burn. But the problem is why that letter has not arrive. The appointment is from Deputy VC office and it should be here now. I guess they must be waiting to see what the future will look like; will it turn yellow? Yellow means trouble and we don’t want trouble makers to hold any admin post, do we? What can I say? I do have an invitation to an event on the 9th in KL and out of respect to the hosts , I might dress yellow. It’s clean(bersih?) and beautiful. So let’s see what the future holds.

In the meantime I will keep this letter close to my heart as a reminder not to expect too much of anything. Do it as a good deed for the sake of Allah.

Beautiful things at the kampong

2011-06-08T08:46:00.003+08:00

Coming home to your old kampong triggers old memories for the fact that you have been away for quite a while now and how far apart your life has been with the folks once to be your everyday pakciks and makciks. Life at the kampong is not only simple, we accept this as-the-matter-of-factly, but it represents the nature of humans as they live through the time. My kampong nowadays is a small town called Wakaf Bharu (although I come from Pasir Mas) about 15 mins from Kota Bahru. A close-knit community where everybody really knows everybody else—in fact they might even be related to each other. The folks started their day as early as 5 am when all sort of animal sounds would wake you up to the cold and breezy dawn. I could not even know the name of all those animals, well except for the cocks (I mean that male chicken), the crickets maybe or the birds. Some were strange sounds and even eerie like in the Dracula movies. But I was glad to wake up and wanted even to make my own wake up sound. The morning sky was still dark but folks were all up getting ready for the morning prayers, old and young walking or zooming with the motorbike to the mosque. It was dark because streetlights were scarce and you literally walk with your eyes closed; and everyone would find their own way through the darkness to the mosque. It’s the experience of my childhood that I recaptured and it seemed to be there all this time while I was away. Kampong folks especially in Kelantan are very religious; Islam is our day and night, we live and we die with it. It is as simple as that. I feel like to come back to this simple life one day. I guess that’s why most Kelantanese would come back after they retire, because if I were to call any place -- a heaven on earth, this would be the perfect one.

And you wonder why the city politicians could not conquer the hearts and the minds of Kelantan voters. The reason is obvious—they have no idea of what these people do at 5 o’clock in the morning. If they were, they would see an old woman clinging helplessly to a blind young girl walking through the darkness to the mosque. And that’s no fairy tale; it’s as real as the sky and the earth. I just could not believe my eyes when they walked by my side. As if the nation’s transformation program is only for the clever folks in KL where they talk about the sweet and the Brent’s, the hedge and the mergers, but never about us. We only have us to look after each other. As the matter of facts, Kelantan folks have survived with such mentalities for the last 20 over years when we vowed not to trust those clever politicians from KL anymore. We might not have streetlights but we do find hopes and sunshine in each other. Isn’t that what life is all about?

The sound of animals continues to embrace the morning sunshine. Everyone seems to retreat after the morning prayers and to let the able folks to put on the brave faces to fulfill the daunting modern life. I came home to visit my old mom; she seemed tired but healthy. The years of hard living can be clearly seen on her. She stumbled and fell every now and then but that’s normal for an old person she said. My heart crunched and crumbled when I heard that as if this one child has no ability to take care of his mom despite having degrees and all. You know we have tried that once, mom, and it did not work. You want to be at home where you feel free and comfortable. Do whatever you want and visit your friends whenever you feel lonely. I just want you to be happy and as of now you seem very happy.

I have an annex at my in-law’s where we stay during our visit and store our old stuff. The dusty shelves and furniture show that we have been away for quite a while. Although this is only home for the week I feel so blessed for this opportunity. I can’t wait for the next visit home which seems to be forever. Work ! Work! Work! Even during this break the phone hasn’t stopped ringing. About this and about that. Well, I should not complain, they pay me for that.

OK it’s time to go shopping. I need a new baju. Enjoy your break folks.

For Love or Lust?

2011-06-01T12:45:00.002+08:00

Are you married for love or lust?....duh! how many times we have heard the question and still it looks like something good to ask. I am sure you all have your own answer to that but after 20 over years of marriage I would prefer to keep them both in my profile. Sometime I am in for love sometime it would be lust. Love and lust are like two characters in a movie; one is the good guy and the other is the bad guy. We love the good guy because he will get all smashed up but will eventually win over and lives happily ever after. The bad guy on the other hand will get all the chicks, done some nasty stuff and got killed at the end of it. I’d prefer to be the bad guy, not because I have been the good guy all my life and have seen nothing but heartache, but because it seems interesting and happening. Bad guys cast more character in the story line than the good guys. Love would give reasons when the bad things happened in marriage while lust would make it more colorful and interesting ( especially after 20 dreadful years). Love is like a sharp thingy that hooks to your heart; everytime someone tries to to pull it away from you, you would feel the pain...a real pain as the hook being ripped of your skin. One hook for you wife, one hook for each of your children and everyone that you love in life. This is real and you can feel it for yourself. That’s what love would do for you. Lust , on the other hand, is sex and everything else that would not be complete without such as lies, greed and being naughty. They are not necessarily bad but too much of it would damage your brain and your liver (that’s a joke apparently). But sex is something else we just can’t leave home without it; something that we need over and over again, amazing isn’t it? You would be tired of doing something over the years but not sex. Isn’t it wonderful to be alive and enjoy sex? Well you got the picture I am not going to turn this into an exotic entry but for us all to realize the magic of life that we all have tasted for so many years.

So people get married, divorced and remarried. That SY guy married his fourth and it was all over the paper like no one else has done it before. Big deal. Maybe sometime we feel intimidated by all these. Some men do feel intimidated and challenged their manhood. Nonetheless,I do feel annoyed sometime because this is my choice that I have made for my life. You want to do it go ahead just do not make a big fuss out of it. So now is the time people get married and do the khenduri---which I have so many to attend. I go to khenduri just because I have to, otherwise it is the last thing I would do. I hate it. I hate to eat at the same table with strangers, and you meet a lot of strangers in the khenduri. So you eat as fast as you can without enjoying the food just to shove it down the throat and done with it. Then when the host comes over, you would put a big smile and pretend you have the time of your life despite the miserable eating-with-strangers session. And the food seems to be the same everywhere, do they copy-and-paste the menu also? I mean who said all the khenduri have to have ayam masak merah, daging kicap, gulai sayur and acar timun. For whatever reasons I expect to see the same old food all over the place. I can’t imagine to spend thousands of ringgit for such khenduri so whenever I think of that I would slip a big tip into the host’s pocket to express my sorrow and compensate his effort. He must have done it because everyone does it but at the end of it he would be the one to bear all the costs. In Islam announcement of the marriage is necessary, the jamuan is not. Still thinking what to do when my time to do this khenduri is due....maybe in a few year’s time.

Is a pensyarah similar to a teacher?

2011-05-24T18:13:00.001+08:00

When I was in a primary school my ambition was to be an assistant district officer (ADO) or a teacher. My parent was so cooped up with their nephew who was an ADO of Pasir Mas at that time and talked about it all day and night until I came to think that’s the coolest job on the planet. He went on to be the State Sec of Kelantan and recently being an ass to the ailing sultan. But when I found out the world is bigger than my hometown Pasir Mas, I let go the first intention and hang on to the second one until this day. Well, sort of….I end up to be a lecturer instead. I admired my teachers a lot because they were the most successful people closest to me. Although they beat me up and looked me down as a loser bum who could not even kick a ball, I admired them nonethelessly. That’s what a small child does to an adult no matter what happens. I was made to believe that I deserved all the bad things that happened to me. So naïve I went on to love and admire my teachers. So one of the reasons I wanted to be a teacher was that I can be good to my students and teach them the world without any prejudice or preoccupation. You are what you are just let me show you the way.

I practiced writing on the blackboard so that my writing would not go up and down but straight from one side to another. I wrote large letters so my future students could read properly. I practiced to speak loudly word by word so my future students could listen to me clearly. Just like a kid spending time playing doctor or soldier; I spent my time playing teachers. When it was about time for me to leave school I wondered why my teachers were mostly studied at a “maktab” and not a university. I didn’t want to go to a maktab, it sounded so dark and horrible. Maybe that’s why all the teachers were like that—unfriendly---because they came out of this dungeon. So I thought. Can I go to the university and still be a teacher? ---when I got the answer to that question, I had no doubt of what I would do for the next one thousand years.

Is a pensyarah similar to a teacher? The answer is no, it’s not similar. But since being a teacher is said to be noble and sacred, we tend to tag along and menumpang tuah of those teachers. When people celebrate the Teacher’s Day we close one eye and pretend to be one and be so proud for one brief moment. I am not sure whether it is a good thing or bad when I said our profession is not similar; but one thing for sure we are not the same. Maybe if I could make a list ,it would be as follows:

A teacher is much more closer to the students and responsible to nurture not only their academics but other aspect of a human needs such psychological, sociological, spiritual and physical.
Development of a child at different level of growth.
Students demand a very focused and specific learning experience to cater for their intelligence and skills.
Teachers claim a special social status in the community.
In order to execute all those tasks, teachers would require a special set of teaching skills that they can get from a maktab.

Pensyarah on the other hand may be fit into that list between 20-30% only. Mainly because we attend to the different group of students that require and demand different things altogether. All those small kids have grown into much more elegant adolescence who know what they want and what they hate. They seek fun all the time and come to the class only when there is absolutely positively nothing else to do. And they burn all our money in cigarettes, BBQ ,weekend drifts and drags. And do you know what a pensyarah does to tackle these issues? Nothing. We have one Timbalan Dekan for student affairs in the faculty and we put all the blame on this poor guy. We lecture, put up some quizzes and tests, see what they have to say in a presentation and off you go. I guess we are not much of a help in that area----the teaching part----but we are also responsible for other academic endeavor such as research and publication which teachers do not focus. So is it good enough reason to justify our dissimilarity? Frankly speaking, I don’t really know how to answer that….maybe it is not that important.

work, homework and responsibility

2011-05-20T09:15:00.001+08:00

The semester is about to finish, the diploma results have been endorsed and the results for my master’s classes have just been uploaded. That’s it--- done. I am happy about the results but not sure my students will like it though. All the thesis reports have been read, marked and returned. There are a couple of MQA reports to be finalized and ready for visit plus one set of KPT’s final exam questions needs to be tidied up. So I am almost there to enjoy a long break before the students come back in September. It’s more like looking at the long and wide par 5 fairway but still stuck at the tee box waiting for the guy to hit the ball. What a long wait, isn’t it?

But work seems to be endless, never finish. This one ends; another one will come in from nowhere. For some people they feel obliged to finish the job come rain or sun shine ; and the term “workaholic” has its owner. Yes the job is the trust mandated upon us but there is also a limit and boundary comes with the package that we sometime tend to overlook. Sometime the only next best thing to do is to drop the whole thing for once. Just drop it and go. Your office or your company will not go haywire without you. I pity some of the ladies as they are always the ones left in the office because the boss said she has been doing so well so keep up the good work and keep working. I remember my first few months of my career that I was doing doggy job for others and loved it. You felt so “useful” that nothing else seemed waste of time. For the first time when people put a trust on you to complete a certain task, no matter how trivial the job was, you would feel so good and so fulfilling that you did not want to go home. I could do this all day and all night. You would never feel exploited or anything of that kind; even when people tend to take advantage of you. So those were the days……

Everything comes down to responsibility. And being responsible or taking responsibility of things does not come to you easily, it has to be learned and practiced. This is what “the homework” that our little children take home from school is all about. They teach them how to be responsible; no matter how difficult or easy the homework might be. I have experienced this (and I believe we all have) from the beginning and now at the higher level of learning, the similar exercise exists but has never seem to get into their heads. You must finish your homework; and to do that you must understand the problem, you should find the way to do it and manage the time in doing it. So the simple task has made us learn a few things in life. The more you strive to finish your homework the more lesson will be learnt. And after every finished homework the teacher will give you more homework and you will get better and better at it. In the end you will be a responsible person and be successful in your career no matter what kind of job you are doing. If you look at someone who has not finish schooling or failed and given up school, they have no sense of time; late for everything and never feel to be punctual. Works would never be completed and they just left whenever they feel like. They have no sense of being responsible or anything.

Anyway, you guys are all successful now so you must have done something right, right? Of course, so be proud of yourself and teach your kids accordingly. Now go back to work and help the world be a better place to live.

Overcoming Stress in Your Exam

2011-04-12T14:33:00.002+08:00

Many university or college students in Malaysia are having their exams in the next couple of weeks ;so the anxiety is running high. You may have read or listened to zillion of advice about the stress in an examination but many of you will put your thinking into a sleep mode just not to add more stress. I can’t blame you for that but you also need to realize how important to treat your stress properly as not to avoid the probable “black out” during the exam. If for any reason you want to quit reading this and go back to playing Farmville or whatever games you guys are into these days, then remember one thing---the more confident you have about the materials you have studied, the less stress you will be---so build more confident in you (and insyALlah) you will ace the exam.

The stress will get into you sooner or later; it is natural because man will become vulnerable for anticipating things of great uncertainties. The exam is one example of such uncertainties that our students have to face every now and then. Adult students will cope with this anxiety much better than their younger friends. I guess experience teaches us a lot how to relax and take the challenge of the exam more easily. Sometime students perspire until soaking wet, having a pounding headache all of the sudden, growling stomach ache, moving about excessively, smoking and jittering. Those are all the physical symptoms that we may have experienced right before the exam. My hands would be sweaty and my stomach would be twisted like twisting a wet towel---the pain was unbearable. But you know just let your body feel some of the stress; it’s natural because after a while it will be gone, only if you know how to control it. How to control it then? Well they are all originate from he top of your head---in your mind---so learn how to talk to your mind once in a while. Be positive. Get rid of the bad talk---“I don’t know it well enough---should have studied more---what if I freeze—I am dumb---no good---he is better than me—if I fail, I am worthless---it ‘s the end of the world”. How do you get rid of them? Well you can use a method that I developed some time ago called---method B (“B” for Belasah aje!). If you do fail, so what!—it is not the end of the world. Take my words okay, it is NOT the end of the world. You just failed that paper and not YOU as a person. Tell these things to yourself over and over again until you digest it whole-heartedly. Reduce the fear---don’t be afraid, just go for it---use method B remember!.

As the hour of your exam getting closer, your anxiety level increases and you become tense. So during the next 24 hours after you have finished studying, remember the following :

• Once you shut the book, you’re through. That’s it put a full stop and do something else.

• Go to bed early and let your body and mind rest.

• Get up in time for prayers, eat a light breakfast and prepare yourself. Don’t eat a heavy breakfast.

• Move and think calmly through out the day. Practice yourself to relax. Avoid loud music or irritating roommates.

• Don’t discuss your exam with anyone. You will feel “unprepared” and other negative thoughts will start to creep in.

• Don’t go too early to the exam hall. The hectic situation with people shuffling through notes and talking nonsense will produce more stress.

• Walk calmly and give your self enough time to arrive for the exam.

• Don’t think about the exam ; instead, think about the good things you will do after wards. Feel good about it and create a soothing ambience for yourself..

During the exam, acknowledge the fact that you probably won’t know all the answers. It sounds negative but will make you feel a lot better. To answer objective questions, you may ….

1. answer those questions you know first.

2. read the question carefully and answer on the basis of your first impression.

3. reread the question. Does your answer still seem correct?

4. Change an answer only if you are sure it is wrong and another right.

5. Watch for words like only, always , never.

6. Leave those questions you are not sure of and go on. Answering other questions will sometimes clarify ideas.

For the essay questions, you might want to …

1. Plan your time. Allow specified amount of time for answering each question and stick to this schedule.

2. Answer the questions you know first.

3. Read the question carefully. Express its meaning in your own words to make sure you understand all of its parts.

4. Outline your answer on a scratch paper so that you can organize your thoughts. Note key points, names and words.

5. Make your answers specific. Clarify by use of examples when possible.

6. Watch spelling, punctuation and format.

Above all take it easy and have fun in your exam. Leave it to fate; Allah will show the way. Good Luck.

The system SUCKS!

2011-03-31T12:43:00.005+08:00

I started my day early today looking forward to do everything else that has been postponed for a few years. One of them is to visit the dentist. The last time I went blinking under that sunny light and had my dick going….where is that lady smell coming from?--- was the end of 2009. I was supposed to come back middle of 2010 but you know one thing after another you did not realize you were missing your dentist appointment until your breath smells poopier than Snoopy the Dog. I was there half an hour before the place open to get ahead start; I was so eager to have my mouth open wide. But before that I was so intrigued to see how the place started in the morning ---- slow like my old Plymouth in the winter. The doa was read like a talqin for the dead and everyone looked like they do not belong here ----no morning greetings and definitely no one smiling while coming in. That is the best description of a place called Klinik UiTM Shah Alam. I used to come here and it was okay, friendly and inviting but today everything has changed and not like how it used to be.

And you take a number to get a number…..what? confused? ..yes let me go through it again, first you go in and look around and around and around because no one there to greet you, then you think you should go to the place called “counter” because you came in before and you went straight to that place….no one there so you kind of standing and waiting like an idiot until some one happened to come by and told you “pak cik kena amik nombor kat depan”. So me, now an old pak cik, went back to the front and push a number. Now what? Did not what to do next this old pak cik went back to the counter only to be told off again…” duduk dulu nanti kita panggil”. So pak cik sat down with the anger half-boiled already. After a while pak cik was called and given another number and asked to sit down again. Pakcik sat and waited like pak cik has nothing to do for the rest of the day. The nurses come and go like they have everything else to do other than fixing my teeth. So pak cik felt so geram like someone will get belasah today. Waited and my number has not come on the screen. Finally the number was called and pak cik stepped in the room and sat on that chair and the nurse turn on that silau light. The doctor came by and asked to open wide and read my teeth out…..2-6 missing, 2-8 missing, gum problem, oral hygiene blah blah……ok finish go check the appointment with the nurse. Can I get my scaling today? I asked politely. No not today, she cut me off. Forget it then…….and I did my lecture right there and then. For me to come here is a big struggle and now you want me to go home and come back again, God knows when…what kind of a system is this.“ itu polisi kita….” She replied without any sign of apology or guilt. I left with an absolute disappointment. I hate when the system is not forgiving and even more to the people who are proud to protect it.

Then I went to another place---Klinik Pergigian at the Fakulti Pergigian which is closer to my office, hoping for my teeth to get fixed today. No one was there so I thought this could be better that the other klinik. I went straight to the counter and ask to register. Pakcik amik nombor dulu…. But no one else is here and I need to get the number also. I touched on that fancy screen and a slip slid out, took it and sat down. Alone ,no one was there. Not until 15 minutes later the number was called. Aaargh…another stupid system. Pakcik go and sit overthere. When I was called I went in , sat in that chair and the nurse turned on the silau light and the doctor asked me to open wide and he read my teeth out……blah…blah…..oral hygiene not good…..blah…blah. OK finish come back when we call your number(my phone number). So I go home now. Yes we will call….I got so fed up with this stupid system. If I go to a private clinic would they check me and ask me to go home and wait…..I don’t think so. But these govt clinics they don’t think about customers or good services, they just want to follow the system. Well my dear, the system SUCKS!.....

Where to go with only 3 credits in your SPM?

2011-03-30T10:37:00.007+08:00

Kids are a lot smarter than before; with all A’s students popped up at every corner of the world we exclaim that statement even more with stories and tales. The reality remains isolated and almost invisible from the public due to shame and frustrations. They are our children, nieces, cousins or neighbors that have more of other letters than A in their results slip. But not to worry, if they can dig up at least 3 credits from their results the hope is still there for a better future….only if they think going to college is better than selling burgers at pasar malam; otherwise please do not bother to read on.

So where to go with minimum 3 credits (the credits ( C grade)must include BM and Maths)? UiTM of course but for this special group the programs are run by franchised colleges (Kolej-kolej Bersekutu (KKB) UiTM) KKB Uitm are private colleges around the country who are allowed to run UiTM programs under strict franchise agreement. They have their own lecturers, facilities and management but deliver UiTM’s curriculum. So if you know anyone who is depressed for cannot go anywhere to study then help them to apply for this program. There are two pre-diploma programs : pre-commerce and pre-science. They will study for one year and if the results are good they can proceed to the wide range of diploma courses in the college of their choice. Pre-commerce will enable them to go for social science programs later on and pre-science for science/technical based programs in the respective colleges.

The UiTM franchised colleges around the country include:
The northern region : KPTM Alor Star(04-7309255), ACMS (Kepala Batas/04-5780800), Kolej Teknologi Pulau (Penang/04-8663351). Inst Teknologi Perak, Kolej Antarabangsa Tek & Prof (Kangar/04-9779177)

The Kang Valley region : Inst Prof Baitul Mal(Kg Pandan), KPTM-KL, KPTM-Bangi, Unikop, Kolej Teknologi Timur (Sepang) , Geomatika (KL/03-42524576)

The East Coast Region : KPTM-KB(09-7472048), Kolej Bestari (Besut), Shahputra(09-5737777), IKIP, KPTM Kuantan
The Southern Region : Instedt(07-8222008), Kolej Islam Johor, MiCOST(06-2329172), Kolej Uniti , Kolej Tek Yayasan Alor Gajah, Kolej SAL JB(03-20728598), Kolej Risda Melaka ,

East Malaysia : Kolej SATT(082-230586), Kucing Sarawak.

Good Luck.

Choosing a place to study

2011-03-29T10:08:00.007+08:00

Too many choices can spoil you…….so the saying goes. But we can’t avoid from making choices because life is all about living our choices. With the SPM results out, the celebrations have soon become a frenzy dash to education fair and carnival. The parents are more likely to have headache rather than their still-in-cloud-nine teenager. Looking for the best scholarships with the best programs that match the tattered result paper.

Well for the record my daughter got 6A+ , 1 A, 1A-, 1B and a C…..I am so proud of her. So much so I will accept whatever decision she made to further her study. Apparently, she has decided.”Ifah wants to study Computer Science at UiTM”, she said a few days ago as we sat for dinner. “Hhmmmm…..that sounds like my area and I do work in UiTM”, I silently calculated the logic. “Is that so? It’s settled then….” ,putting the end of the story. So our life goes on as usual like nothing big has ever happened despite the biggest ultimatum in life has just been decided. May Allah help us all.

Selangkah Ke UiTM

There are three basic things should be considered when hunting for a place to study: curriculum(the program itself), people(the lecturers and graduates), and the facilities.

UiTM has improved a lot and could be one of your top choices

The curriculum : this can be found in the brochure, handed out at the carnival or the place where the promotions are taking place. Universities and sponsors are going all out to attract students, so take this opportunity and spend sometime with them. The brochure should have all relevant information about the program. Go down the list of the subjects they offer in each and every single semester. If the subjects are not familiar due to some fancy names (they like to use some strange names that considered futuristic !) they put there, ask them to clarify and judge whether that is up to date or not. The important thing is to match the subjects with the name of the degree/diploma. A Diploma in IT could be as technical as computer science or applied as merely the use of word processor and spreadsheet. A computing-related diploma is worthy only if there are at least two subjects of programming (one intro and another intermediate/advanced level). So check the curriculum if the subjects are there. Another tip is to ask if the program is accredited or not by MQA(Malaysian Qualification Agency) or any professional bodies such as IEM etc. It is not too much to ask whether the license is still valid or not. If for IPTA then try to look if the program is ‘attached’ to industrial bodies such as CISCO,HP, Oracle, Microsoft and the like. Any link will show that the curriculum is up to date, relevant to current technologies and constantly monitored. If the results are good encourage your child to take up more challenging program and not just “apa2 lah asalkan dia belajar”. But again you know your kid better than anyone else.

The people : the first group of people are the lecturers. Find out what kind of lecturers they have in the department. Browse through the website of the university you are planning to apply and go to the “Staff area”. You want to look for their qualifications and academic activities. For diploma programs, the min qualification is to have a bachelor degree. See how many of them are from the field; if you are going for a computing program, check how many of the lecturers have computing degrees. What kind of computing degree? Where do they get them? Local universities/Foreign universities? The second group of people are the graduates. Look around and check how its graduates are doing. Can they speak well? High achievers? Or merely coffee-makers? They are the products of the university so that would be your child in a few-years’ time.

The facility : Take some time to go and check out the facility. Do not take it for granted especially IPTA, usually diploma programs will be the least in priority. So you could see they dump 30-40 students in one classroom and send a soft-speaking lady to teach in a noisy surrounding, not a good place definitely. IPTA can usually get away with this thing. Although IPTS can also get away, they are constantly monitored by MQA or University panel. Computer labs must be well-equipped for programming courses and technical subjects; so check if such facilities are available.

some lab facilities to aid learning

even for diploma good facilities show firm commitment

Same thing goes for overseas universities, try to check as much as possible through the internet or the current students from that particular university. If you have time and money, pay them a visit. Please do not rely on the sponsors because they have their own panel ( and usually made some weird observations) but most importantly to remember is that they have their own constraints to consider…and that usually involves money. Basically the programs selected by the sponsor are not necessarily good (double check to make sure they are what they are supposed to be).

Some people might want to know the difference between matriculation program and diploma. Matriculation program is a bridging program for a particular university or program of study. There is no cert being given after you finish; only a place at a university. And if you fail matriculation it is just awful because you have wasted 1-2 years of your life. This is what we call a non-terminal program. A diploma on the other hand is a terminal program and you will get a diploma at the end of it. Majority of students will proceed to a bachelor degree after their diploma and they seem to be more prepared compared to matric students. The reason being they are exposed to the area of study while they were doing diploma taking introductory subjects and getting used to the culture of tertiary study. So in short :

Matriculation program : good for those who are not qualified to get directly into the feeder program for areas of study such as medical or engineering. So get into matriculation, score four flat and reapply.

Diploma programs : good for those who are determined to get into a particular university and will proceed a bachelor degree at that university in the future.

InsyaALlah those are some tips for the children and parents that are busy contemplating for a place to study. Pray to Allah for He knows best. Good Luck.

Singing it with your body and soul

2011-03-28T10:28:00.001+08:00

When the email came in to promote a concert for the deaf, I was speechless to say the least but more skeptical to the whole idea of how a deaf person enjoys music. I asked through the return email and someone replied to warn me not to be so sarcastic and respect the deaf persons. Honestly, I really wanted to know because I have no experience with a deaf person. Some time people just never read the lines in your mail…they always read in between the lines. I was really disappointed with that but then it is always one of those hurdles that you have along your path they you will never kick it through but always jump over it. Anyway, I missed the concert that day due to being stuck in a traffic jam way pass the Maghrib time. I prayed for the event to be successful and it did .alhamd. I’m glad and wish could be part of it in the future. That was Friday evening.

On Sunday night, I dragged myself to an event that always not on my agenda—Malam Pra Graduan ---- a dinner event to celebrate final semester students. The time and place where students come all dressed up with girlfriends and boyfriends. So dressed up we could hardly recognize them altogether. They came to enjoy their time and I came because I had to so we kind of have two different contrasting reasons for being there. The event was great I supposed but it was not for me, honestly speaking. I don’t know how else to put it but the event was definitely not mine. I need a quiet time for my dinner, not a blast of music that ripped off your heart. You know that disco music that pump up your energy to make you jump on the dance floor ( oh dear another trip down the dark lane of Damansara Utama in the late 80s). I’ve been there and done that…and now don’t remind me of that anymore…..OMG I feel so old, so sad, so guilty for breaking my promise to God.It’s like building a sand castle just to see it washed away in a wave of time. I pinned myself to the seat and pretended to enjoy the food and the company. Then the kids in orange lined up the stage. “Ohhhmmm… Dr Nordin they are from our multimedia group that sang during the charity concert last Friday”, said a colleague and one of the Advisors of the group. “ Oh yea…..I have a chance to hear them after all”, I said with a big smile as if my night has just started to begin. And it was AWESOME…big time! I feel like going up the stage and join them doing the hands and all. You put fun into a meaningful context and you have got super fun….a blast. They sang with their body and soul that really made my night worth while after all. My heart danced in silence , my feet thumped the red carpet, my legs trembled with the voiceless sound and in the end we twisted our hands in the air for a superb presentation…..BRAVO! BRAVO!. I won’t miss their next presentation and thank you all for the memorable night.

Watch the video Koir Amal 2011 >>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tere5XdEnHM .

PhD anyone?

2011-02-18T01:17:00.003+08:00

I went through the files of my PhD students and smiled…nothing is funny actually. The records desperately seeking some actions but I held on for some thing good to come out some where….I am praying for some miracles. Out of 5 students registered under my supervision, one is missing in action, maybe indefinitely, another one has been spotted in Dubai (maybe on self-exiled mission), another just come and go as pleased and I am left with just two active students. And nowadays people are talking about KPI; so this is my KPI and it does not help me at all. I need to “graduate” someone fast or I’ll grow old waiting for nothing. I have been through the process and have experienced the ups and downs of it so please trust me. Deep down inside I have a strong feeling that they can make it through, that’s why I took them in the first place. But as they started the journey, they turn into something else---untouchable souls that defy the law of nature. At the first turn they became the “honeymooners”, the ones that have just unleashed the true face of freedom seekers. Paid holidays with running salary and a handful of pocket money, my honeymoon will start right now, thank you very much. Well that’s okay, don’t feel bad about it, enjoy before it lasts. This thing will come to an end eventually , okay; some will come down to their senses but there is always a handful of them that refused to accept the fact that the honeymoon is over.

At the next turn, when the dust settled, the work begins. It is not like a hard labor that will break your back but you have to turn on the light and start flipping the pages, running the programs and talking to people. The next phase is not easy to follow through but not as hard as you might think. PhD is all about doing things correctly, report the findings truthfully and the “discovery” part will eventually emerge. The keyword is DOING and if you’ve done nothing , there is no finding to report and with that there is absolutely no discovery. If you want to swim from this edge to the other end, then you have to do the swimming yourself, I will look from the distant and see if you need help. I will go in only if you are about to drown or something but do not expect me to swim with you in the water. The hard part of doing PhD is finding the reasons (Why?) when everything works against you. It’s like a group of people keep bashing your head while you’re trying to get up. Believe me that part is unbearable and it takes a strong gut to pull you through. I had been there and gone through it myself. I wrote about this and it is somewhere in this blog , dig it if you’re interested to know my story. At the end of the day you have to get up and face like a man. Cry yourself to sleep or bang your head but never give up. You must refuse to give up, even if someone told you to do so. Heck I’m not going home empty handed, no way---what I used to say when the faculty refused to accept my thesis. Well , the British have their own ego when it comes to this, how come this kampung boy from former colony want us to believe this rubbish…… I argued and stood behind my thesis. And the rest is history.

The three year-period is not that long but one needs to know exactly what to do, one thing after another and by the end of it your model has been justified and ready for the presentation. Don’t depend on luck because in PhD nothing is left to luck, everything must be accounted for. Believe in yourself and what you can do; make doa for your consistent effort and blessed intention. You can expect something rewarding to follow after you’ve finished…maybe more than you expected. Only Allah knows. I wish best of luck to my students and any of my beloved readers who happen to follow this same path. Good luck.

Running out of time

2011-02-17T10:14:00.001+08:00

“CePat sikit, kita dah lewat….” my favorite morning call for my kids to hurry up with whatever they’re doing and get into the car. It is early in the morning and they’re still sleepy and slow moving…making me more upset. The thing is I am not good in getting people up and do something .Being bossy is the last thing I will make myself do even with my own children. The only way I know to make someone else listen to me is to turn myself into “an incredible hulk”---the green man that looks so mean. It works with my children (well some of them anyway) but of course never with other people. But now I am tired of being green; it just turns the people off. So nowadays I am more relax; more looking at myself rather than other people. I saw a male student earlier today with make-up and sissy t-shirt……you know what --I am not going after him and lecture him about not being so pondan and follow the proper dress code…I am not gonna get angry over this anymore that will ruin my day…I’ve had enough, if he wants to be Victoria Beckham instead of David Beckham then the hell with it. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about sissy students or my compulsive anger ;today I want to talk about time. The time that I always don’t seem to have.

Just-in-time, overtime, half-time, full-time or no time seem to push me around these days. I can’t be late for whatever reason or whatever event. The term ”better late than never” has never been in my vocabulary. I am more into “better skip it than being late”. That’s why I don’t plan much of things around me; afraid of being late. Maybe people don’t even care of me being late but I do. I would lose my sleep for thinking about it. If the event is seven days away then I will keep thinking, thinking and thinking about it for the whole seven days. At the end of it I feel stressed and tensed. Nowadays my wife likes to plan our holidays 6-7 months ahead of time (to get the cheap airfares), and I would be miserable for the whole time and by the time we get to the airport I would be exploded with anxieties and ruined the whole trip. No more bad holidays, I’ll just stay out of it. If I need to go then I just go without making myself miserable with the process of going. So for me it is more of “spontaneous” trip…..the last minute one.

So going here and there seems to take much of my time, plus the unforgivable traffics that will make my day a truly memorable one. I don’t know why am I complaining…..I got myself into this so better buck up. Maybe just tired and need some rest. “Hectic” has a lot to with commitments and life is full of commitments without which life is nothing. But as you go on living and reach the other side of the hill, you’ve sort of chosen your own path in life. It might be great or might not be great, and soon enough you don’t give a damn how it would turn out because at the end of it, it’s just you who will take the fall.

I wish the day was longer

I wish the people were friendlier

I wish the sky was always beautiful

I wish the wind blew softly

I wish happiness grew on trees

I wish tears were diamonds

I wish time went back and forth

But they aren’t…..life is just like that

But life can also be beautiful again.

Fahrin Ahmad and The Academic Conference 2011 UiTM

2011-02-13T11:58:00.001+08:00

It has been so long since my last entry. I’m very worried. That means I’m too busy to write; too busy to relax. I rest my mind by writing some crappy stuff. Sometime the more craps it has the more relax my mind would be afterwards. Writing can be therapeutic when you use it to let go everything from your mind. Just like hitting a golf ball; the sound of the impact says “ yes you are right this is shit, hit it hard and let it fly away into the horizon……” and when you see it goes up up and away; you feel warm and clean as if the problem within you has been stripped off and removed. But if it dropped dead in front of you then you are the SOB for trying too hard and not doing it by the rule.

For the last three days, I have been attending an Academic Conference—our internal conference talking about the future of UiTM. As you might have guessed, the speakers are from the top management of UiTM. We had Fahrin Ahmad moderating a forum on Friday morning, so that’s a surprise. He handled it quite well I must say and used his charm to make the ladies(and some of the men too) screaming and shrieking. But we are more excited to explore the new dewan actually (called Dewan Agong Tuanku Canselor) than the issues or the lectures during the session. It is built on a hill slope where the main entrance is on top of the hill overseeing a football field. The inside is huge and can comfortably seat 4000 people. Eight big screens hanging from the roof giving the stage view up close….and personal. The sound system was a bit off but not by much. I just don’t want to know how much they spent on it, for whatever amount…it’s worth it.

But the most disturbing news came on the big screen in the afternoon when HEA announced which faculties are considered “research faculties”. My faculty, the FSKM, was not on the list. I went through the screen again and again could not believe what I was watching . My FSKM was not there. Maybe it’s a mistake, I hope so but from the reality of it that list is correct. My hearts just went into pieces because it’s like coming at you and hitting you right on the face. I see myself failing and feeling so stupid. Ironically, Accounting was there among the engineering and medical faculties. I mean the term “accounting research” is so new and so recent ,it can be found nowhere other than UiTM. Bravo to them all for making accounting so dynamic. All I know that it is only about debit and credit…..so what is there to research. Apparently, I was wrong.

But I am more disappointed with the way my faculty FSKM handles the research issues. A couple of days before the conference I emailed my colleague about the lack of focus and directions regarding research. It has never been discussed, deliberated or strategically planned. But again who am I to criticize, just a grumpy old man who always wake up from the wrong the side of the bed. I left the conference dejected with no mood to stick around for the fashion show. Well they had these bunch of skinny-legged models doing the catwalk for the Art and Design Faculty. The stuff will be going to London, so they said, for whatever reason there might be.

"left shoulder up, right shoulder down, butts out, knees bent, back swing @9o'clock, finish @3o'clock, eyes on the ball, hip turns, arm pit closed".....locked!...hope I don't miss anything...then kaboom!...life will be beautiful again.

2011: The year to “play,play”

2011-01-12T10:46:00.003+08:00

Have your ever thought of giving up your work? Go out and see the world ? or join a tablighi team and khuruj for the rest of the year to IPB (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh)? Well I am not that adventurous but I think I’ve had enough of work. Maybe it’s good to put it into a “sleep mode” for a while and do something else for a change. I need a relief from a choking work schedule that seems to be taking away the fun and joy from my life. The same feeling like watching Anna Spaghetti sang her you tube song to win loads of money on AJL. Life has never been so ugly last weekend. Maybe I should go to the ceramah after all; To Guru Nik Aziz was in Shah Alam last weekend but I made all kind of excuses not to go and stayed home(actually I was not feeling good—again, excuse). But with Yuna and FZ on the air how can you resist….only to find one stupid girl with a strange name doing her number on stage. Anyway, I am not gonna let that decision by professional jury ( read : bunch of idiots) ruins the rest of the 2011. I am not taking life too seriously and take every opportunity to “play,play”…well maybe work a little but not too much. Can or not? We’ll see.

Agenda for 2011 :

jogging : my favorite because it requires no skill whatsoever.and I can do that.

golfing : It's time to replace the dusty old set with a new swinging one...hmmm..maybe after I can hit the damn ball.

swimming : so far so good.....I can make a starfish. " start with the float , Abah", my son Ahmad told me. I am getting there....

snorkelling : one fine time will go back to Tioman Island and roam the sea bed again.

Scuba diving ( like my friend Hazim...): still dreaming.......

baking : enjoying my time in the kitchen...YES men do things in the kitchen as well okay!

camping : favorite pastime

easy fishing: another favorite past time

Life will be beautiful again....InsyaALlah....

A Walk to Remember

2010-12-22T11:35:00.004+08:00

Walking with my love in the morning is something for me to treasure. A walk followed by a short jog have become our routine for sometime now. It takes about an hour; so we have time to take the kids to school or wherever they need to go during this school break and make a quick dash to beat the punch machine. Yes my office is still using that old musical punch machine that gives you red for being late. It really bothers me but do it anyway for the sake of work ….whatever. I personally think it is ridiculous. The weather was perfect this morning; cool and quiet. The moon was still there when we started out; the full moon was barely visible before the sunshine took over for the day. It was really great to go out early in the morning and feel the freshness of the air. And more importantly to be alive to start another day in a long journey called life.

Walking ,in the UK for example, is a big deal. At first I did not really get it but as you heard the explanation it started to make sense. I mean it was something about their habit that then became a tradition to walk when the weather gets warmer especially in the Spring. They do the walking through the countryside sometime in groups. And when I tried walking in the Spring , it was really something. When all the trees get new leaves on and the landscape goes green, you can feel the joy and the excitement everywhere. And also during the long walk beside talking you tend to hit some stones with your stick and see who can hit the longest. Maybe that’s how golf came to the world. The history says that golf originated in Scotland; so that walking tradition might contribute to that in some ways. I mean people in the UK go to court for this walking rights. Some of them got summoned for trespassing a private land. They fought and won the case as the court found the path has been used for a long time (by their ancestors); so we are talking about a long tradition of Spring ritual. In the city they do the walking by means of parade. In Northern Ireland they fought to their death for this annual ritual.

So the phrase “ let’s go for a walk” that we can find in a movie or read in a novel has a bigger meaning to it. A therapy of some sort to have a private time together between two persons; mum /daughter, father/son, husband/wife etc. It is the time you slow down the pace of your life for a while. There is no need to rush just take one step at a time and enjoy the company. So beside the time and a partner, you also need a good environment; clean , green and settled. With our tropical climate it is easy to produce the green landscape but one thing that bothers me a lot is the rubbish and the dirty environment. The “tong sampah” are usually placed along side the path by the road side; and most of the time they are filthy beyond imagination. But not in Shah Alam where the environment is always clean and we respect the good habit by reminding ourselves, our kids and even our community to find a bin for the rubbish. Sadly in the other part of Malaysia where the town council is not in order or the attitude of the local community is not “good”, this thing still happens.

Anyway, maybe you think walking is trivial and old-fashioned, but try it anyway with your loved ones (like your mum/dad/wife) and treasure the moments that you will remember for the rest of your life.

Shiah : the old nightmare is back

2010-12-17T16:28:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was 10 Muharram which was the Day of Ashura and a holy day in shiite calendar. So the raid happened at the cell center in Gombak and made the headline. I am sure the celebration was held all over the country. I read the news and my mind went all the way back to the early 80s when we went to a small town outside Wichita, Kansas to ‘save’ our friend. If I remember it correctly, it was Emporia,Kansas where a big number of Malaysian students had turned Shiite including my dear friend. It was kind of sad to see them pray like Iranians where they beat the lap three times to finish off the prayers or call out the name of ‘Ali’ during the azan. But they were secretive and we did not get any information about our friend that day. Back in Wichita we had two of the top Malaysian Shiite: Jalal and his friend J. Both them were married and lived reclusively with their own way of life. They learnt Persian just to translate Shiite books into Malay. I wonder if they have anything to do with the current movement in Malaysia. But actually the movement has been around for a long time. Remember last time they were arrested already for the same thing; but now the new generations have taken over and we can see small children have been taught to do the body-beating. My arwah uncle headed a cell group in Kota Bharu sometime ago. He kept a few pictures of Iranian leaders in the house and one time his “followers” came by his house for Raya. So as the house guests we mingled with them. They proudly talked about new cells coming up in Kelantan and Kuala Terengganu. I listened with a burning pain in my stomach but controlled myself to get the whole story. So the “growth” has been active for a long time.

Shiah spells trouble. Period. Whatever people say about it just stay away. The catching phrase is always “ shiah ni banyak jenis dan yang ni tak bersalahan dengan assunnah wal jamaah”. Once you believe in that, then that’s it. You are gone. May Allah

"artificial" Singapore

2010-12-08T13:51:00.001+08:00

Crossing over the causeway brought us to the land used to be our place. Not anymore—physically or otherwise. It has become so foreign even the resident seems to be out of place. An old balding Chinese man with shorts ,slippers and a plastic bag walking along a well-manicured pedestrian path with a sophisticated building at the background, so contrast of each other that I wondered if the connection between the two has lost. It seems that everything around this place is built for someone other than its own people. I followed the tree line as we move along the highway with the road signs displayed in English with some traces of Malay heritage. Maybe that’s all what is left from the yesteryears when the place was used to be our hulubalang playground. I wonder if that would also be of us in the future when Malay culture would become a heritage of some long lost tribes of the past. I refused the analogy to be refuted and justified. We are different, I assured myself of the circumstances. But how different? No good answer to that, I supposed. But to tell you the truth I don’t see anything here which is better than back home, nothing excited me and nothing to be looked up for. This place is so artificial that I would be rather living in my kampong than putting up with all this hiked-up modern city. I want to be in a place that I can call home. You know like my place in Shah Alam where I can go back , put my feet up and feel so “saved” at the end of the day. It’s not an “anjung seri” interior but it’s my place, my home.

But some people would go all the way furnishing their house with expensive sofas , magnificent dining table and luxurious decorations so to entertain the guests. Maybe that’s what happening in Singapore; everything is done for the guests not its own people. The locals are tucked into the flats and housing estates as if they are the shame of the country. I smiled for I have never been so proud of my country, Malaysia. We are doing alright. I noticed how the faces of the locals have become everything but their own. The Chinese, Indians, or Malays without race identity as if they have become a new race of the land----or given up as someone told them to. It happened during the colonial time, so I can accept that. It happened when you were in a foreign country. So we do out of respect. But why does it happen in your own homeland? The words “ slave of the states” keep flashing up without warning; but not sure whether that’s a good thing or bad. I guess they keep the colonial yard stick to this very day and read it like some kind of a holy book. Can you imagine to see a Chinese boy who could not speak a word of Chinese; and told the Chinese couple to read the instructions themselves. The instructions were obviously in Chinese. Within that boy I could see a new generation that has lost their heritage and done away with history. Maybe they want to let go the things of the past for it has brought back nothing but a painful reminder of the brutalities they endured to defend this land.

I moved on to see the fish, the big crabs, the sharks and the jelly fish. I waited for the dolphin show only to find the tricks were outdated (I saw that more than 25 years ago in LA). The seals were also as old as myself. I was bored to my stomach could not even have a mood to snap some photos.

Could not get into the Universal Studios because the tickets were sold out. But again I supposed all the rides were at least 10 years old. I left the place angry to myself…..fooled by the belief that my place is not any better than this one.

Filling up the long school holidays

2010-11-23T17:22:00.003+08:00

Whether we like or not our life revolves around the school breaks. All of the sudden the roads seem empty and not as busy as they always do. And the kids are every where, doing nothing. They play along the busy road, waiting for the bus that is nowhere in sight or filling up the parks doing everything other than jogging. The rest would be sleeping at home.

My kids’ school break whereabouts will be as follows :

#1 : Away at the college until Dec. + her own trip visiting friends + BTN.Settled
#2 : Busy with SPM + PLKN. Settled.
#3 : still no plan; refuses any tutorial.
#4 : Math tutorial twice a week; Tun Uda Mosque program also. Settled
#5 : a one-month program at Tun Uda Mosque Shah Alam + swimming at weekends. Settled.

School break Trip : Singapore.

Hopefully by next week they will be fully occupied.

The Beast, The Girls and The Arab Ladies

2010-11-18T12:54:00.003+08:00

My new task as a Coordinator is getting dull and boring. For a few short months I was scolded , bitched and bossed around. At this age I think I could no longer have the energy to absorb, pretend nothing happened and things would get better tomorrow. At times I was stunned to know that “minah mulut tak ada lesen” really exists among us. They would smile at us in the morning, give that bitchin’ look right after lunch and attack you before the day ends. As the new kid on the block, I have tried to be nice and all but you know what I am getting tired of it. Tired of being nice already….hmm.. I guess my patience is running thin already. But you know one thing about me is that I am not good with the ladies. I don’t know how to be “a friend” to a lady. A relationship which is limited to a handful of vocabulary. No touching. No emotional attachment. You can see but you can never get it. I don’t know what has become of me because when I was a child I like to befriend girls and played what they play like hopscotch ( “dek chok” what we used to call it back in Kelantan) or “main selambut” etc. Too much of it until I became so “lembut” like the girls…or that was what they called me..well maybe the boys were so jealous of me I don’t know. But being called names was not good at all and I started to be like “boys” and all played “guroh” and looked for “buah getah” to collect and compete. So from then on a lady was a No-No. But now things are different. Sometime we made a decision and it is not on their favor and you get scolded, or even when the mistakes happened which was not your fault at all, you get scolded. For reasons that beyond your comprehension or common knowledge. Where did you get that, bitch?! I said…silently…..to myself. The rage in unbearable but I don’t want to lose my anger. I have been angry all my life and decided to do away with it already. A grumpy old man does not have a pleasant face at all. So I worked to control my anger and put it on a permanent leash. Many people from Kelantan especially, including myself, have this behavior….called “pongoh”—an explosive anger that will ruin civilization within its reach when it detonated. An ugly beast within the soul of a man that makes a man of what he is---so I believe.

During my recent Umrah trip, our Ustaz said to leave your anger at home and never bring it with you to Makkah. I pledged to myself that I will be a nice little boy and whatever circumstances there might be, I would not get angry. For the most part of the trip I was OK and the beast was under control. Then one time I was waiting for the elevator to get to my room for a bad grueling stomach ache like your ass was about to explode and shit all over the floor, a big-ass Arabic lady came along. I pulled the door open and looked at her. I did not ask her to go in but she went in anyway. The elevator was so small and she was sooo big I could not squeeze in for the ride. You know what.. I did not know Arabic so could not ask her to come out or argue of what happened. All I could do was to slam the door hard…too hard that the sensor broke and now the elevator could not go up. It kept still and opened the door. Now the lady was screaming at me and from what I could make out from her voice was that she was mad like hell. I heard the word “haram,haram” a thousand times. I let her in and now she’s bitchin at me and all. But I left my anger at home so I don’t know how to get angry. Quite frustrating.

In another incident, I was queuing for zam zam water at a fountain along the place of Saie in Masjidil Haram. The time was about 6pm which is less than an hour from Iftar. The crowd was getting bigger and bigger. I squeezed myself in and found a good spot. Then out of nowhere a lady cut in. A beautiful nice looking Arabic lady cut in front of me for the water. She was beautiful so I don’t see any reason for not being nice and courteous. I let her. So when her turn to fill up, she took out two small mineral water bottles. I said OK no problem what a nice lady. Then she pulled out from underneath one big-ass two gallons empty bottle to fill up. I said What?! Excuse me! You can’t do that miss it will take forever……. Apparently she did not speak English and said something back to me in Arabic. She sounded like a mad old lady right before a menopause. After that she called out her friends from the back to hand her their empty bottles so she can fill them up too! I was furious! Angry! But you see I don’t know Arabic, so there is no way to unleash my beast. I have no way to communicate my anger. I was so disappointed. I hate Arabic ladies…they maybe pretty but their mouth have no brakes, no attitude…(or “mulut tak de lesen”). In the end I got my zam zam water after all; but I learnt also to dislike a species that I admired so much!.

Shockers Reunion 2010

2010-11-16T15:58:00.002+08:00

It happened last Saturday Nov 13, 2010. What can I say ? Chaotic. Noisy. Deafening. Everyone was trying to say something all at the same time. I guess the 20-odd years being apart is just too much for everyone. Too many stories to tell, too many confusions to explain and too many wrongs to be corrected. We wanted to nod more than what to agree, or laughed louder to the jokes than what they deserve. Being friendlier than what it used to be. We missed each other a lot, I can say that for sure. I saw many familiar faces, some were not so familiar and a few that I never knew existed in Wichita. But it was great fun don’t get me wrong. It’s always good to know someone especially your old friends. Friendship binds people in a very unique way; transcends who we are and where do we come from. Sometime we depended on each other more than anything /anyone else. We learnt things with each other and from each other. Very often we made mistakes together and now realized how stupid we were to even been thinking about it. But as friends we did not get on each other’s back so to speak for the mistakes that we had done. We survived through it. For a few days after the reunion I was trying to absorb all in; putting every single face into my mental compartments and relate them with a story, now and then. I must say that I was speechless the other day; just did not know where to start and what to ask. A usual me that I think will never change. I just did not want to spoil things, that’s all.

Ironically, everyone does not change that much. The second look will see that old face again. The body gets blimp up here and there, of course, but basically I saw my Wichita friends like we always do day in day out some 20-odd years ago. The MC asked, What was your most memorable moment in Wichita?—a very hard question for me to answer because every single moment was so memorable to me. I talked about some of it here, here and here. I am indebted to each and everyone of you guys for being there in Wichita with me. Maybe after the excitement has settled down a bit, we could think of how we can help each other now. Or is it a little too late for that? I hope not. Having family and all plus the burden of keeping own self healthy, we can use all the help we can get.

But the important thing is that we have done the first step; and everybody seems to be happy. In the next event, if we could get a bit more people to join in, it would be another great success.

Behind those smiles and laughter ,we keep within our own little secrets. Maybe it was not time to revisit those secrets but when we do, we will be in another level of reunion- the one that redefines our present. But there is nothing to be afraid, it might be more fun than we thought.

The time we were …

2010-11-09T12:01:00.004+08:00

(posted by Azlynah Abu Bakar(sitting next left from the teacher) in FB)

Someone posted this picture in FB and I was stunned to find that most of the kids in there were my friends from Sek Rendah Sultan Ibrahim (2), Pasir Mas.The picture was taken around 1973-74. I guess it is a class picture from the school; ironically I could not find myself in that picture. I am very certain that I can identify most of them and they were my classmates but where was I ? maybe it was before I joined the class. I think they were from the batch one year older than me. During that time there was a program called “express class” introduced to give a chance for some kids to “skip a year” ( by doing 6 months year 3 and 6 months year 4)and took Penilaian Darjah Lima in the following year. I think in year 5 some of those kids were my classmates. But I like the picture because I want to show you the meanest teacher that I ever had---Mr Salim, that one sitting right in the middle of the picture ( I talked about him here and here). He had no reason to be so mean to the kampong kids in Kelantan who could not pronounce an English word like the Queen of England. It’s just not fair. I am not sure I like him much until this very day.

The Day of Celebration

2010-11-05T12:03:00.005+08:00

Today is Deepavali. Shah Alam is quiet as people taking the long weekend to go on a short holiday or balik kampong. I will be here as my kids will come back to Shah Alam for their short break. In fact I won’t be going away for while as long distant driving is no longer my cup of morning coffee anymore. Aging is catching up very fast; so my life has to slow down a bit. But today is the day of celebration, with the spirit of 1Malaysia we are happy for our friends. And that’s about it I think we should not go any further than that and join them in the festival. We respect what they are doing , happy with the occasion and let them do whatever that they have to do on this day. As a citizen of this country we owe everyone that much and try to avoid any conflict that might lead to something out of proportion. At the same time, there is a limit where we draw the line because we have our principle; as stated in the Qur’an :

1. Say (O Muhammad (Sal-Allaahu 'alayhe Wa Sallam)to These Mushrikûn and Kâfirûn): "O Al-Kâfirûn (disbelievers In Allâh, In his Oneness, In his angels, In his Books, In his Messengers, In the Day of Resurrection, and In Al-Qadar, etc.)!

2. "I Worship not that which You worship,

3. "Nor will You Worship that which I worship.

4. "And I shall not Worship that which You are worshipping.

5. "Nor will You Worship that which I worship.

6. "To You be Your religion, and to Me My Religion (Islâmic Monotheism)."

So it’s clear how to perceive this festive season.

I was married on Deepavali day some 20 years ago. The date has changed as it is determined by the moon; but with the mentioning of this day I would remember the occasion that has changed my life forever. When I got married, I promised to my wife that I would quit smoking. Easier said than done; so I learnt it the hard way. The first few weeks were the hardest. You can’t do it in an instant but still you want to keep your words to the lady. I was torn between love and lying. Every time the nicotine-craving came; the mouth drooled, the head spin like the wheel of fortune and you were drawn to the inevitable. I would sneak out like a teenager buying the loose cigarettes from kedai kopi and eased myself somewhere in a hidden place. That time I was in Dungun so the secret place would be the open beach at Telok Lipat or somewhere along that coast line. Sometime I rushed to my parent’s if we were back in Kelantan. My arwah Ayah smiled at me as I battled for the toilet from my brothers. I needed the smoke badly. Ayah said “jangan hilang punca kita kan orang laki!” meaning that to take control of your lady and smoke as you please. Don’t be a coward, full stop. It hit me like a brick. What has become of me? I asked myself. How long am I going to sneak around like this? Remember the pledge to quit smoking…so you will do this for the rest of your life if you have to. I reasoned with my inner thoughts. Once I visited a family during Raya and he offered me a puff. I don’t smoke, I said nervously. “Haah!”, he said sarcastically. With my bluish lips, no one will believe you are not a smoker unless you are an ass trying to play angel in front of your lady. I swallowed it bitterly. I did hang on to my words, although very thinly, until I was completely out of the woods. Now that after 20 years, the mouth still waters for the nicotine. But if I tried to smoke I could not even finish the second puff. The body has completely rejected the smoke.

The point is that quit smoking is not an easy task but it is possible. If you are serious about quitting than the first thing you should do is to get away from your “smoking buddies”. Run away from them as you run from a debt collector. But for men , friends are everything. That’s why the pledge to quit smoking cannot survive for long. But I did that with the help of my wife and my children; because they have become my new close friends.

The second thing is that you will gain some weight. This is also hard to accept. But I am happy with it; as you grow older you don’t really care that you have a big fat ass. Don’t let it drag for long though, work it out as you think that the weight is going out of control.

Overall the suffering and craving will be overcome by healthier body and fresher breath. You will be much more happier and contented.

Good luck if you are thinking of quit smoking. Do it today. Right now!

The Art of Exam-Cheating

2010-11-03T17:49:00.000+08:00

Now that the examination is in full swing; students are scrambling for anything that they can get their hands on to release the tension. Sometimes exam can be very stressful and for the unprepared desperation leads to a serious academic crime called cheating. It is a serious offense but for some it is just nothing. Because cheating maybe has been part of the learning process since the day they stepped into the classroom. For so many years I have been in this field, I encountered a lot of cheating cases. Even at one point our own lecturer who took a degree course was caught cheating in a final exam. Can you believe that your teacher was caught cheating red-handed? Unbelievable. In the end she got away with it—no harsh penalty. Anyway I list a few techniques here that have been favorite with the students; maybe there are other technique that I do not know of, please comment.

1. The note-smuggling technique

This is one of the classic case to serve your last minute preparation for the exam. We, the invigilator, do check each and everyone of the students coming into the hall but somehow the notes can be so invisible. I salute one effort at Inst Prof Baitul Mal where the students have to go through a body check before the exam. They really check each and everyone for anything suspicious. Usually the notes will go under the exam slip, strapped to the calculator or hidden inside the pencil case. But this technique is a kamikaze one because once caught you are dead, my dear. The notes will be a hard evidence of your mischief and will be used against you in the trial.

2. The long-neckers

This technique is awesome if you can find a good friend who is smarter than you. Sit him in front of you and signal him when the coast is clear. He would raise the answer booklet a bit and you just prolong your neck like a giraffe and get the answer. The invigilator could not do anything other than a good stare for you to stop.

3. The toilet-going

This is a serious step and students do it for the paper that is very important to pass. The notes will be left somewhere in the toilet and when the time comes; they will go for it. At one point this technique was very popular among students until UiTM has to come up with a procedure for going to the toilet. 1) they have to write down their name in a log book. 2) one of us has to accompany him to the toilet. Check whether the toilet is clear or not. So question like …adik nak berak ke kencing?...is not uncommon. See how pathetic the situation is when people are desperate and out of control.

4. The palm-top

This is to write everything on your palm. I don’t know how much you can put on that tiny little space; but it happened. Some was caught in the act. But the problem was how do we keep the evident..it is on the palm. Believe it or not, they photocopied the hand just to show that the notes were really written there.

5. The leg-painting

This one is where the notes are written in on the legs. They would excuse to the toilet and read it there.

6. The conspirator

This is a desperate case at one private college where the lecturer would go into the exam hall and guided the students on how to answer the exam. So stupid. That would mean everybody will have the same answer. That’s how we spotted the problem. An investigation was carried out and the students told the whole story.

7. The wireless talian hayat

This is the latest technique to use the handphone and a bluetooth speaker.He was caught in the act but everyone just could not believe what he has just pulled off.

But please remind yourself and your friends not to be so creative in committing crime. It’s not worth it. Be honest to your self for a change. Your effort will be blessed and your success will be much more meaningful.

DO NOT CHEAT IN YOUR EXAM!

Thinking of Family and Friends

2010-11-02T10:11:00.003+08:00

The rain came early this year. My concern goes out to family and friends in Pasir Mas, Wakaf Bahru and all over Kelantan. The heavy rain will come with devastating flood and agonizing days of glooming weather. I pray for their safety and strength. Flood is very common in Kelantan and the neighboring Terengganu as it is the end-of the-year event. But ironically I don’t see any massive effort to minimize its consequences. As if every year as fate has it, the people of Kelantan and Terengganu will face this disaster to wrap up the year. The rescue efforts will pop up during the prime time news bulletin to show some big people riding the speedboat like some tourists from a foreign country. But the people are used to all these and never expect anything more to come and give them a sincere help. We moved our cars, cows and other animals to the higher ground and hope for the best. That is our solution to the problem which is not very good at all but what else to do. They want to build a 100-storey building that costs billions of ringgit and despise the agony of the people; what a schmuck! This is one of the reasons why the people of Kelantan never trust those politicians from KL.

I was shocked to find out that my friend Abd Latif has passed away. He was my colleague in UiTM Dungun as well as my student in an MBA class. He was very friendly and easy to get along. May Allah accept him among the soleheen. Good bye my dear friend!

Yesterday we were delighted to receive the news that two of my colleague from FSKM have been promoted to professor. Prof Dr Nor laila and Prof Dr Azlinah Mohamad. What a great news! They both deserve the new title. Both of them work very hard and have contributed a lot to the academia. Congratulations!

Many of my friends are also going for hajj.Alhamdulillah. It’s not an easy thing to do so being chosen to have such opportunity is very lucky. Many of them are among the million Muslim converging in Mecca. They will go and come back with thousands of tales and stories. But the most important thing is whether they learn from all those stories.

Hari Ini

2010-10-21T17:23:00.000+08:00

Hari ini
minda gemuruh kembali tenang
jiwa gelora kembali reda
laluan mula menampak
faham kembali menapak
yang kusut telah terurai
membuka seribu maksud
melerai pelbagai soal
menjawab sehimpun tandatanya
luasnya ilmu Tuhan

Hari ini
ceria melambai pergi
sepi mula bertamu dihati
tawa pun telah dibawa lari
dalam menangis banyak riang ria
menghibur hati yang gundah
mencuit dan mengusik
untuk terus mendakap
hidup yang pahit ini

Hari ini ...
Lega belabuh di kaki langit
Bahtera KAD meninggal pergi
Bersama peti ilmu nya
Melambai dengan seribu harapan
Manggapai sejuta impian
Hari ini berakhir dengan indah sekali
...alhamdulillah

drnordin
Kursus Audit Dalam InED-1/2010
Hotel UiTM
Shah Alam

Hajj – the time to reconcile with your Lord

2010-10-16T17:55:00.000+08:00

LabbaikaALlah humma mala bbaik

Labbaikala shari kala kala bbaik

Innal hamda wa ni’mata lakawal mulk

La shari kalak

And the recital goes on and on, from millions of people converging to Makkah al mukaramah for thousand of years; including maybe you and me.

1. If you are one of the many Malaysians going this year then alhamd. Shukor, you are about to go on the greatest journey of your life. Maybe you have gone to London, Paris or Tokyo; but believe me, this one is different. How different? Well you have to experience it yourself. Making a niat to go for Hajj has always been very difficult. It is true that people say the first step is always the hardest. You think of who will replace you at the office, who will pick up your children from school, who will feed your cat or water your plants. If your mum or dad or your sister knew about the intention then they will come even before you can make that call. So most of the time it will be settled; the house, the kids, cats and plants will be taken care of. Then your inner thoughts will come and haunt you at the end of the night. Am I ready to become a “haji”? a word associated with an old man who has nothing else to do in the world other than waiting for his death! Do I have to give up my weekend trip to a karaoke joint or late night with an old friend or nick a chick for a midnight drive? Evil thoughts that make life so “interesting” start to colour your niat. If that bothers you then it’s time to sit down and seek answers from Allah. No one can answer that for you if you really want to make this trip worthwhile. There is no point to go there because everyone goes and now it is my turn. But no worries mates!, if you really have a pure intention to go, Allah will give ways InsyaALlah.
2. Hajj is a very physical exercise and demands stressful commitment so go while you are strong and healthy. We never know when we will fall sick or become poor so grab the opportunity fast while you are at it. Not much we can do when the knees are no longer strong, or the eyes are losing sight.
3. Someone said that he has everything already the car, the big house, wonderful family and fantastic career; whatelse do you ask for during haj? Well what about a healthy soul for a change! The one that know who the Lord is, that we are the creation that will return to Him someday and afraid of His Judgement Day. Indeed that is what the haj is for….a spiritual reconciliation with the Lord to beg forgiveness and “redha” for this life and the life hereafter. That would be the time and place to do so….start from the Wukuf in Arafah until the end of haj.

Kolej UNITI Convocation

2010-10-09T08:55:00.001+08:00

ACMS

2010-10-05T08:53:00.003+08:00

Penang Ferry -- wading through the tide of modern times

2010-10-04T08:43:00.000+08:00

ISIEA Conference at Parkroyal Batu Ferringhi, Penang

2010-10-03T08:36:00.001+08:00

Signing in from my new office

2010-09-27T10:26:00.005+08:00

The world does not have to know but I do have a new office now and loads of unbearable tasks and responsibilities. Assumed a position as a Coordinator in InED (Institute of Education Development)---the place where people take long distant learning, night classes and franchised programs. I am into that franchised programs at the private colleges around the country. This new office is nothing fancy at Intekma Resort but being with new colleague and new environment is quite fascinating. Not sure whether my appointment here is a good thing or a “cold storage” deal. But I have started to feel as cold as the Siberian weather. You know when people are not keen of you too much they have a habit to send you off to a far far away land so you don’t bother them anymore. And this place is quite far away from the faculty. But I’m gonna be positive and happy with this new place.

I will be looking after the programs from my faculty running in three private colleges : Kolej YPM KL, Institut Baitul Mal and Unikop. The total number of students is less than 100 so I am OK as it is quite manageable. However, in addition to that I also have to monitor subjects from FSKM ( my faculty) taken by all programs in all franchised colleges……that really sucks because they have already given me a headache. They are scattered all over the country and have all sort of problems; and the most serious one is a high failing rate. Most Math subjects are potential trouble makers. But work in this position is mainly administrative---meaning, you have to smile a lot and know how to play politics. Nothing technical, so it is quite daunting. I guess it is time to dust off the bow and sharpen the arrows as the hunting season is about to start. Have you ever been hunting? Neither am I but I went fishing sometime ago, it’s the same thing. Going into this new post is like going hunting or fishing, at the end of the day what counts is how many birds have you got in the basket. At the end of the day can you deliver or not? Can you do the job or not?

Sometime we don’t know what are we supposed to do ( due to whatever reasons…) and that leads to in competency and unreliability. That’s not fair because most of the time it is not our fault, but one has to be aware of this thing and see when it is coming. So this few weeks would be my time to reopen my old chest box , flip through the age-old manual and see if I could pull a rabbit out of the hat once again.

But the sad thing is to be pinned to the desk from 8-5 again. That’s the curse that comes with this package and I am not used to it. Still struggling like a “ cacing kepanasan”.Been thinking of all sort of excuses to get out… but again, for what? I think by now I know how to be a good “servant”---truthful to your duties and serve your subjects well. Anyway, let me settle down, know my office mates and what have they. I will join their Jamuan Raya later this week , bring over my wife’s signature dish---nasi dagang and see if I can fit in or not.

Melakar Destinasi Cinta

2010-08-29T16:59:00.000+08:00

Lahirku
Dalam dakapan cinta
Dari dua insan
Yang saling bercinta…mak dan ayah
Biarpun perit dengan hidup
Biarpun pahit mengunyah masa
Walau tanpa kata dan ucap
Cinta tetap ku rasa
Menusuk hati dan jiwa
Melakar tinggi bak mentari senja

Hidupku
Dicabar dengan cinta
Menagih dan merintih
Dari insan yang penuh luhur
punya hati yang bercahaya
Cuma untuk bekalan
Bila sunyi datang menyapa
Pada hujung malam
Buat teman bermimpi
Untuk hari esok…yang penuh dengan janji-janji
Tapi buatku….cinta hanyalah tipudaya
Merobek segala harapan

Hidupku
Masih dilindungiNya
Untuk terus bercinta
Dengan isteri dan anak2
Yang mengajar sabanhari
Akan erti cinta
Akan kata cinta
Akan ucap cinta
Indah sungguh anugerah Ilahi
Pada cinta dan yang dicintai
Megah tersangkut pada hati
Bak mata kail menagih mulut haruan
Makin disentap, makin merobek naluri

Hidupku
Sungguh bertuah, alhamdulillah
Dengan cinta ini
Ku belai dengan kasih
Ku usap dengan sayang
Inilah hartaku, dunia dan akhirat
Tiada lagi yang lain
Kan ku genggam bara cinta ini
Biar sekali ia membakar

Ku siram cinta ini
Dengan airmata
Pada malam-malam yang sunyi
Dalam sujud dan qiam
Agar dilindungi oleh Nya
Adakah cinta ku sama dgn cinta para rasul
Adakah cinta ku sama dengan cinta para sahabah
………para solehin wal muqorrobeen
Adakah cinta ku layak di persada jannah Mu
…sebagai cinta orang yang soleh

Ya Rabb
Suburkanlah cinta ini dengan iman dan taqwa
Lindungilah cinta ini dari kekufuran
Redhakanlah cinta ini untuk syurga mu
……almakwa wal Firdausi
Agar dapat kami bercinta …
Untuk selamanya
perkenankanlah
Ya rabbul masyriQain wa rabbul maGhribain

The Merdeka Minds

2010-08-25T14:09:00.001+08:00

Our forefathers fought and died in the war so we can live as a proud and free nation today. Every time I tried to put myself in their shoes, I will get goose-bumps, a chill in my bones. But that was the reality of life back then. They could have to let it go and enjoyed the “cooperation” with the foreign bastards; some did and some did not. I will celebrate the day for those who did not; like Tok Janggut. He was labeled terrorist by the Bastards, hunted down and hung upside down in Kota Bharu for everyone to see. No record of protest was ever mentioned by anyone during that time; thus he was truly believed by all as a terrorist and deserved to die. Maybe people were too weak to show any protest. We believed the Bastards and our coward leaders trusted the Bastards as they drove the brutal Japanese out of Malaya. And that was how we gained the freedom by sucking up to the Bastards. Freedom washed up to our shore so cheaply. The blood of our forefathers was tolerated in a negotiation in London. Are we truly free from the Bastards? We never wanted to ask that question because we are afraid of the answer. Our mind, our action even our life in one way or another are chained to the Bastards. If I were to live back then I would hopefully be one of the fighters, running around with parang or golok to chase the Bastards away from my kampong. But I was born after the war and all I could ask is why didn’t we fuck the war with the Bastards? WHY? History is there for us to learn and take lesson; not to suck on it for reasons to be contented. For some war is a crime; but if you look at it again, war is the implementation of your struggle (pengisian satu perjuangan). So if you never struggle for anything then war seems to be so far off; just like a man born on a silver plate will never understand a struggle to fight hunger or poverty. My father told me that when the Japs landed at Pantai Sabak and traveled the dusty road by their bicycles through the kampong ; he and his friends would cheered them like we cheered the LTDLangkawi race teams coming through our towns. The difference is that the same Japs would comeback and brutalized his kampong later on. All the horror stories during the war that we heard came to reality. He was in tears when recalling all those times to show his deep sense of fear and agony. The struggle of Tok Janggut was genuine but the Bastards painted it otherwise. When I passed the place where Tok Janggut was hung upside down near Masjid Muhammadi, my mind would stop thinking to let my body feel the whole scenario. The ignorance. The fear. The showcase of death. The Bastards. And the Suckers who fed the Bastards.

It was the time our people searched for their dignity, pride and values. I am not sure whether we really have got it or not but we are consistently being labeled as a lazy race who prefers to “negotiate” our ways instead of fighting for what is right to us. The minds are still “chained up” with bitter memories of the past and has slowed down our pace. Freedom is to let go the chains and be the one race that defines itself. For better or worst.

Happy Merdeka Day folks!

Bizarre Teaching

2010-07-26T19:05:00.001+08:00

Some teachers would do anything, weird or otherwise, just to get the message across. The young ones especially often lack in confidence that he/she is in charge in the class and everyone must listen to him/her. This brings out some bizarre way of teaching which sometime unbelievable. Maybe some of us can relate to this as we also might have gone through it during our schooling days. And that’s some 30 over years ago; but believe it or not the same method still exists today. Why do you think that students behave strangely stubborn or brutal? towards their friends or even teachers?....because some teachers still believe in canes and canings. this is largely happening in sekolah agama/maahad tahfiz. Never underestimate the school whenever you drop off your sons/daughters to experience such learning. During my primary school; way back in standard 2 or 3, I had an English teacher and he was really an ass. I think he’s from Penang so you know how he should look like. He would come in and taught us some strange language that we could never relate with. We all tried of course, just to avoid his “pelempang”. He would stick his tongue out like a dog and spank us like a fly on your dirty dinner table. And “us” meant the boys who pronounced the Queen’s word of English as one of the Kelantan’s; and that included yours truly of course. I could smell his perfume and would get traumatic all over again whenever I sensed it today. I don’t know the brand name but I still could recognize the smell. See how sad the impact can be on a child? He could rot for all the rats, and see if I care! For the girls, he would be gentle and soft….well that’s understandable but for this teacher he would go a step further and called up those who were “weak” to his desk. He gave personal lesson while his hand went up and down caressing the girls’ behind in front of the class, right there and then. We did not know it was wrong…because teachers are always right, right! Duh!

Anyway, when I started teaching at ITM, bizarre teaching surfaced every now and then. I went by a class one time and saw some of the students standing on the chairs and some on the tables. Can you imagine a 20-year-old standing on a table? He could reach the ceiling. I mean, was that some kind of punishment? For what? They were old enough to have their own kid and you asked them to stand on a table. Unbelievable. Another one would ask his student to bring “satu bungkus nasi lemak” for him every time during the class. And he would eat it in front of the class. I saw him and could not believe my eyes. He is now a popular Prof on Era FM.

I have my own thing during my early days of teaching which I feel so bad whenever I remember it. In one class I announced a pop quiz. Please take out a piece of paper and don’t move your head around. The question was : draw me. Yes I asked my students to draw me. Now what in the world learning has to do with that? But they all did it alright with some odd shapes and sizes. I even put them up in a notice board for the selected ones. That was really a useless piece of teaching crap.

So remember teachers out there….do have fun teaching but at the same time teach your students something! Something useful for their future..their life.

20 years with UiTM

2010-07-01T10:05:00.003+08:00

Today I celebrated my 20 years with UiTM…without candles or cake; just me with my thoughts. It does not matter really, what is there to celebrate anyway just 20 years of your life. I am sure none of my colleague is aware that I have been there for such a long time. But for me it is a big deal. I am proud of myself for being here and make myself useful. I have done something for other people, teaching and stuff. I feel good at that for myself.

Looking back when I was fooling around in KL finding teaching jobs here and there, I remember filling up the application form for a teaching position at UiTM(formerly known as ITM). Back then teaching in ITM was not highly sought after. The pay was so ridiculously low and you would risk yourself being sent away to the place where civilization was unheard of. Like Dungun, in Terengganu. Are you ready to go to Dungun? they asked me, we have one opening there in computer science. I said, why not?! So naïve despite the fact that I have no idea where in the world is Dungun. So I rented a taxi to go there with all of my stuff. It cost me rm250 to reach there. With the endless stories from the taxi driver, the ride was not as boring as I expected. I could not remember how I put up for that first night in Dungun but ended up sharing a rented house with a gay man. I mean this guy was really gay; later I found out he has a boyfriend and went off to see him every so often. He never came on me; thank god for that, maybe I was not his type. But life in Dungun back then was very simple and quiet ( another way of saying that it’s damn boring and out of reach from civilization) but I don’t have a heart to say that because deep down inside I liked it there. Maybe I’m a boring person, I got that from some people. But for me the place was easy to connect with because when things got so bad on you , just head to the beach, sit down and let the wind blow your problems away.

UiTM Dungun was also as primitive as the town itself. I mean a remote cawangan of a big institution should not be left out like that; but sadly that was the case. We had to lined up at 8 in the morning to print a quiz or handout for the day’s class. Can you imagine only one printer for the staff to use? Well that was 20 years ago, yep you right must put yourself in the right time frame. Now we have a printer for every lecturer---a laser printer that is. But somehow I managed. At one point in a computing class, I brought a bunch of computer games floppy disks and made the class free so everyone can grab a game and has a feel of utilizing computer. No one interested and left me standing alone in that lab, shocked. I mean I would do anything to blast an enemy in that shooting arcade but no one here really cared, so unbelievable.

In another class, a programming subject, I expected a work done before hand. A simple programming assignment that you have to do before coming to the class, and no one had put an effort to do it. I was so furious. “Get OUT”, I yelled at the top of my voice, sending everyone home. I had never done that before but that day I was holding my last straw. I just could not tolerate such irresponsible behavior. Soon after I received a show cause letter to explain the incident. The students claimed I used a foul language in the class. They heard me saying “Get the Fuck OUT”. So I replied the letter and explained to the boss what had happened. I learnt the lesson not to be “over”- enthusiastic in teaching. You do whatever you are asked to do, within the time given, according to the syllabus and that’s it. Just leave the “ mendidik anak bangsa” crap at the motivation camp that you attended every now and then. Looking at those times, teaching for me is not for the students or other people, it is mainly for myself. I teach others so I can learn more and understand better.

One day I scrambled for a ride home to Pasir Mas. Since I hadn’t had my own wheels, I had to compete with students for the bus, and not many buses are coming through Dungun during those days. Students were going home for the Deepavali break but I was going home to get married. I made a quick stop at the ATM machine and withdrawn my gaji which will be the mas kahwin. My family was stunned, “mu nak nikoh guano gak kito mano ada pitih?” (how are you gonna get married? We don’t have the money…” my mum said. I gave them 200 ringgit. And truly enough that was the money spent for my wedding plus that some gaji for the mas kahwin. Borrowed a baju Melayu and songkok from my brother, put on my sneakers and off I went to the ceremony. It was at night so no one should notice anything. My brother bought some kueh with that 200 ringgit and served the rombongan that came over that night. I wanted it to be simple and it did not intimidate my joy and pride for being a married man at all. But the rombongan was not happy as expected. I am okay with that. People talked and said nasty things but it did not bother me at all because I was the one getting married and that’s all I could afford. So my married life began. The bitter sweet memories for the last 20 over years with my own family have also helped me to remain in UiTM and to wade through the challenges.

One thing about my colleague in Dungun was that they gave you space for you to draw your own path and destiny. I learnt a lot from them about all the nuts and bolts in this line of work. How to build your life along the career line so you can enjoy both of them effortlessly. I held many posts there but never complained of anything; I guess as a young man any shortcoming is seen as a challenge to face---so shut up and face like a man. I also am trying to remember if I made any enemy for all the years I was there; just could not figure out if any at all. Amazing isn’t it. But that was the life we had in Dungun. So pure, so human. The kampong folks around Dungun also lived a simple life. We could see people sitting together under the shade in between the coconut trees to escape the afternoon sun; as if waiting for something. Maybe nothing. In late afternoon we would not miss going to the beach and bought some fish from the sampan. They sold by the scoop; 1-2 ringgit per scoop( a five-liter cooking oil bottle). Not a particular type of fish but mixed/unsorted lot. And actually that was what they eat at the dinner table—the fish fresh from the ocean; can you get more original than that? I’m very grateful to have the opportunity to live as such. But now we could no longer see such sampan coming offshore with boatful of fish. They have stalls now along the beach selling the fish and all sort of seafood…with a much higher price. I will stop by every now and then on my way back to Shah Alam for that fresh fish, crabs and big squids whenever they are in season.

The first five years was the time I started to build my family as well as my career. It was not easy but you learnt the lesson along the way. My first car was a Nissan Sunny. I paid an insurance with it that was never there—the policy had never arrived. So I drove that car back and forth for a year with no cover whatsoever. I did not realize it until one day I hit a bunch of buffaloes. The car was a wreck and I tried to make a claim. How could people cheat like that? Unfortunately the broker was my own colleague. So sad come to think of it. In UiTM, I was doing the regular stuff during that time---teaching and a lot of training beside some occasional admin duties. I started one big research back then about SME in Terengganu. This research had set me apart and given me a chance to win a scholarship to the UK.

I left My Heart In Trolak

2010-06-27T21:25:00.003+08:00

I received the letter with a heavy heart
The word “team building” was written so boldly
Like a decree from the heavens
Sending you to hell
hate team-building, my little heart told me
had been through it so many times
just too old for that now
so I searched for reasons
like many of us ….reasons not to come
nothing there, as if I was looking for a cookie in an empty jar
finally gave up and turned in the reply
I ticked “hadir” and looked away
As if I’d regret it later on

I am now glad I came
Saw old faces with new smiles
Old jokes with new laughs
Battered soul rejuvenated
And …
I saw new faces…intimidatingly young and energetic
Vibrant and dynamic
Fragile and naïve
Made me forget
How long I’ve lived this life
For another day… I am me again
Fresh and free
Unleashed……from the sacred wall of authority
We share the same laughter
Hallowing at the stupid jokes again
Life seems easy and fun

The horse-shoe line we made that night
Made me feel so guilty
For stepping over my elder brothers and sisters
For whatever reasons
In whatever circumstances
The invisible hierarchy of hope and respect
I will remember that …..

I wish the night would not end
So I could see the brilliant smiles again
Hear that big laughter once more
Or make that sound of chicken, cow & cats again

Do I have to go back ?
To the papers, reports and documents
to the never-ending miseries
Facing the monsters and the dragons…
The lions and the tigers …..
It’s not fair, isn’t it?
But life is never fair ….
The memory of this night
Would make me fresh and warm again
For a promise of better days ahead ….

So I left my heart there …
As a reason that someday
I’d go back and pick up
All the memories and the laughter
And smile one more time …….

Marilah kita merungkai segala yang kusut
Menjernih minda yang malap
Mereda hati yang gusar
Membetul niat dan rasa
Agar hari dan masa
Diberkati dan direstui olehNya………

8231 Ixora4
Felda Residence Trolak
27 June 2010

I am a teacher

2010-05-14T17:53:00.001+08:00

When I was little
I saw my teacher everyday
Happy, angry, fed-up, bored down
Little I know the subject they taught
Just a routine stuff for me to do
Finish the homework
or meet a monster called pontianak
Day in, day out
I used to tell myself…...or others to me
To study hard for better future
Until I grew up wanted to be one
I practiced to write on the board
Like my teacher did
I practiced to hold the rotan right
So everyone will fear me
I practiced to speak out loud
So they can hear me
That day on
I knew my destiny
To be a teacher

Nowadays
They come into the class
With tight jeans and sleepy eyes
Make me wonder where were they last night
Talking to the moon and the stars
To fill the sleeplessness
Hiding behind the darkness
For actions beyond reasons
Howling the laughter
Through the night with no end
I sat to ponder
My role in this insanity
Can I look beyond the spikey hair?
Or pull up that bum-exposing pants…..
Maybe clean up that black-marker-dirty nails
Oooo I really want to snatch down
...that ugly-tangling earring from that boy
and that black-devilish lips ...whatever
so they can see and hear
with their hearts and souls
what I have prepared last night
yes I am a teacher now
teaching the unknowns to the unwanted
I lost for words
Or tricks to play
So they will be entertained
But we are no clowns
With blobby nose and big ears
I sat to contemplate
My role in this mad world
Where learning is a strange word
Pretending to sit and listen
Just to wait
For the hour to pass
For the day to turn dark
So they can talk…..
To the moon and the stars again
And smile to the darkness
That will hide their secrets
….from reality

To all teachers,
Remember our pledge
To mould and to nurture
The buds that will bloom
And color the horizon
Like rainbows ……
A flash of hopes and promises
To remind our roles
Despite the insanity, ungratefulness
So one day
They can stand tall
And paint the sky themselves

Usah dikira wang dan ringgit

Usah dikira keringat yang menitis

Usah dihitung masa berlalu

Anak-anak sedang menuggu

Untuk belajar dan berbicara

Tentang hidup dan kehidupan

Jadilah kita bak pepohon

Menghijau dan melata

Meneduh dan melindung

Insan-insan dari perit kehidupan

Moga dedaun kan terus merimbun

Untuk seribu tahun lagi

Yes, a teacher…....for eternity.
Happy Teacher’s Day folks!

drnordin
shah alam

Remembering May The 13

2010-05-13T17:51:00.001+08:00

When they went riot in KL, I was just a little boy; trying to find out what the old people were talking about. As I remember it, we never went into hiding or ran into the jungle or anything like that. The kampong was safe and sound; and I went about as usual to buy my favorite ice cream from kedai ah seng, as I recall it vividly. I grew up without any bad connotation of the May 13, as perceived by some of my uncles and aunties. I never knew the differences among us only people with different names and attitudes. I had a Chinese headmaster with his fat daughter, Chinese and Indian English teachers that got drunk every other day and an awesome Sikh friend named Balbir Singh. They were all people around me during my primary school(SIS(2), Pasir Mas, Kelantan,1972) which was not that far from May 13 1969. I guess in Kelantan race has never been an issue just because we are simple folks living a simple life.

But now I know life is not that simple anymore. Differences do divide us apart; among kampong folks, local community, larger society and even a nation. In America, the society has been deeply segregated for decades and the struggle towards equality between races had exclaimed with assassinations and intimidations. “I’ve got a dream, I’ve got a dream ……” shouted Martin L King to kick off civil right movement that gave birth to new America. I think it is the best manifestation of “dream” to represent constant struggle that draws a path for the future generations. Can we dream for a peaceful Malaysia? Can we dream as well to see the Malays united under one flag? Can we dream of UMNO and PAS to unite for the survival of the Malays? … or is it too far from reality ? I guess they are trying but it’s like a sand castle that is washed away every time the wave comes to shore. Well maybe the sand castle has not been built yet and both parties have already talked about the windows and the kitchen cabinet . From my less than 2sen thought, both sides are lacking honesty. You can’t pretend to be honest and ask the other party to come and join your dinner. The history has been so bitter that any move, from both sides, deems to have hidden agenda. But politics make life even more complicated; that’s why I keep myself away from politics. Politics is about doing things your way; not the right way. You defend your principles and want things to run your agenda but that’s not necessarily the right way.

I dream for a society that values tolerance and understanding. I don’t want to give up my lifestyle for the sake of harmony; neither do you or anybody else. You keep your things and I keep mine. But we need to understand each other and when things crossed, we tolerate. That’s not hard , isn’t it?

When I was abroad during my study, people were very skeptical about me as I come from Malaysia. They heard stories about the Chinese being deprived of their rights and the Malays getting all the bounties. So it was hard as these people were our own lecturers and international students’ officers. But we managed and survived with the help of our own Malay brothers and sisters to attend our needs. When we experience such difficulties due to our nature of being a Malay; then the hostility began to emerge and gave birth to a deep sense of hatred. I pray to Allah for such senses to go away and out of my life.

Mak! - my Mother

2010-05-09T14:42:00.003+08:00

My mother is still strong and healthy for her age. Mak is 68 this year. Her hearing is going away now and we have to shout when talking to her. I don’t like to shout because I will shout only when I am mad. And when I am mad the world will go upside down. So in the house when Abah shouts everyone will go into hiding including the little kittens. But anyway, I have little chance now to go back and visit Mak very so often: I would call my sisters and brothers to find out about Mak. She raised all twelve of us quite successfully. With little skills she has, life had been very difficult. But alhmadulillah we are all very grateful to her and love her very much.

Mak
My love to you …
could not be spelled in words
or calculated in numbers
or valued in dollars and cents
or weighed in kilos
because your love to us
your life spent and sacrifice
far beyond
any worldly measures
may your name carved
on the heaven’s gate
taste the water of al kauthar
meet the beloved prophet
and receive the blessing from the Lord

Mak
Now I know the meaning of life
When aging is catching up
The knees tremble without warning
The joints squeak with every move
The walk is longer than ever before
The eyes scramble for a focus
And the loneliness that comes day and night
The stare over the horizon
Brings the promise of hopes
for my children, your grand children
could they run and chase the rainbows ?
as you ran with me when I was little
now I know where the tears came from
that ran down your cheek
every time when I asked my school money
it was not there, was it?
So you made a quick dash to the neighbor’s
For 20 cents to accompany me to school
I pray to Allah for forgiveness
For such troubles that made you sad
For every tear drop to be your good deeds
…and the key to the heavens

Mak
I dreamt of arwah Ayah a lot
He seemed happy
He gave me a smile
I remember his last days
When you cared for him…night and day
For the sickness that strange to us
For the pains that never went away
It was hopeless…but you never gave up
We were confused…but you showed us
…that love was never meant to be understood
For better or worst….you assured us that
….he was our Ayah
To love and cherish until his last breath
….when Ayah collapsed on your laps
The morning that we lost him…forever
I know you love him very much….we all do
I truly miss him a lot
Hope my du’a is answered
For him to rest in peace
The dream is a reminder…maybe
That death is close…to us, you and me.
So we should be more prepared….to meet the Lord

Mak
Today I want to tell the whole world
That my mother is awesome!
The best mom in the entire world
And we are blessed…
To have your hopes and prayers
As the wind…beneath our wings
Flew us high beyond our expectation
Took us to places we never dreamt of
Gave a good life

……..thanks Mak! we are good now…….

Read my other tributes for Mother's Day here and here

Defining Moments of my Life

2010-05-04T17:38:00.002+08:00

Living in Wichita in the early 80’s has indeed defined my life in many ways. It was the prime time of my adolescence and come to think of it, right now, I feel the details of those moments have later on become a big chapter of my life. But the life I was living back then was as flat as the land of the Midwest itself. There was nothing extra-ordinary to it but being in the strange land surrounded by strange people carved a strange character without much effort. I learnt a lot of things over there, well, since that time of your life you started to know many things , of course you must experience a lot of learning. The thing that I treasure until this day is the part when I learnt how to choose and make decision on my own. Somehow you have to because of you living away from your parents and what not. I made a lot decisions and lived with the consequences of what I have decided. Sometime there were good decisions but mostly there were plain stupid, so I thought. When I look back OMG why did I do that, or that? But hey who cares! I have survived through that you know. I learnt how to drive although my car was sitting there parking most of the time. It was an old Mazda RX-7. When my friend Azmi wanted to buy his car I kinda ask him to buy one for me. Just like when you know a friend going travelling you kinda ask him to buy you a cool t-shirt. It was like that and the car cost me 400 dollars. But the car broke down most of the time; I changed the exhaust system once for 400 dollars and still it could not run as well as it should be . Bad decision. Once I drove it to the mosque for a maghrib prayer and hit a sign post . That was the end of it; I just left it there by the road side and the next time I passed by, it was towed away. I had a Ford Fiesta once; nice little car that I paid for 700 dollars. It ran better than my other cars and used it to drive everywhere during that summer. I brought Abdul fatah to test drive the car when I wanted to buy it but I spoilt the negotiation. He was furious. Someone told me that these people prefer cash buy(well who doesn’t, duh!) so right away I offered him cash well before Abdul fatah said anything. Why did you ask me to come along if you want to do that? He was obviously upset. I felt bad and it was really stupid of me; I could get the car for a lot less. Another lesson for me, don’t rush into things.

Love life. Well that was the time when everybody else was having a good love life except me ( and a few other losers like me..hahaha). It did not bother me that much actually because I did not know how to anyway. I found fun and laughter with the guys until sometimes I wondered if I was gay. The AIDS disease was found in 83-84 so I just came to know what “gay” means. But to manage love life (or sex life) was really a daunting task for me. So I just let it go without putting much effort into it.

Read about my other recollections here and here.

Academically, it was hard as well. But Alhamd I manage to get through. I learnt Computer Science without knowing how great the technology will be later on in life. I did programming by punching holes in a card; so ancient that my student could not imagine how. So you carried a round a stack of cards in your bag? Heck yes! And imagine also if that stack of cards fell off and scattered all over the place; you would be devastated. But I persevered and dragged my self one semester after another, only to know later in life that programming skill is the lifeline of my career. I also struggled with English (read here!) but later on came to love the language; and now I will never let it go. Everyday I will write in English and brush up my grammar as well as vocabs. I’m still sometime confuse between “is” and “are”, the active and passive verbs etc but the beauty is that the language is so rich and vast you won’t get to the end of it. But in the end I did not make good grades just a pass. I felt nothing to cherish or to shout out loud; I did not bother to attend the convocation. What the heck for?

And in the summer of 1987 Ahmad Azhar Wagiran and Mazlan(thank you guys!) drove me to Peoria ,IL for my grad school. Another exciting chapter of my life was about to begin.

A Young Breed vs an Old Stallion

2010-04-21T09:53:00.000+08:00

I am not much of a political analyst but the by-election in HS is something different. A unique fight for democracy ( read dirty-slimey-smug-of-political-ass-kicking-back-stabbing) led by two interesting faces from a diverse spectrum of Malaysian people as in Kamalanathan and Zaid Ibrahim. One is a fresh face with an awesome character and honesty in every word he uttered and another is a charismatic lawman that seems to have the world at his feet. Honestly I like them both because they represent the new Malaysia that my children will grow and raise their family in the future. Their faces , ideas and thoughts spell a big word of tolerance, honesty and liberty. The parties they represent however, are still struggling to make themselves relevant to the people. In a lot of ways, these two political hopefuls are also daunting the task to cleanse and rebrand the old and dirty look of their respective party. But that’s another story altogether.

Now the character shooting is taking place; and it seems that Zaid is ducking a lot of bullets that are coming his way. He seems cool and collected in not denying any of them. It is good to know though that he is one rich fella with a taste of high life. And for Kamalanthan…well someone is digging into his past I am sure and they should do it fast as time to the poll is getting closer. Come this Sunday the people of HS will decide which one of the two will suit them well. For I me I would like to have someone who is fluent in law of the land to represent me in Parliament. I don’t know nothing regarding the law, the constitution, the policy that govern this country ;so I want a good hand to represent me in the Dewan---and that’s really the purpose of having an elected rep in the Dewan. And clearly we can see right a way which one is a good choice---and hopefully the people of HS will know and pick the right one. That’s really all…the other surrounding issues are irrelevant and only serve to spice up the election. And we all like that very much; listening to fiery speech talking nonsense about what the others are doing badly.

I would like to see our fellow Malaysians assess the thing rationally rather than emotionally. See the hard facts rather than rhetoric inuendos….it’s no longer a game but our future. Best of luck to both candidates!

Time for Presentations

2010-04-20T11:00:00.002+08:00

With the semester is about to come to an end; mostly all lectures have ended with a few loose ends left to tighten up. And that’d better be the final presentations otherwise someone could be in a lot of trouble. In UiTM the final exam is well under way; you can see that as most of the streets and meeting places in Shah Alam are almost deserted because most of these people are nursing their splitting headache waiting for their turns to face the music in the examination hall. You can have fun some of the time ,babe, but not all the time. And this is one time that you have to prove once and for all that your existence is worth the while; prove it to your self, most importantly. But I am not gonna talk about examinations this time but the one that is less stressful---the presentations.

We use presentations as one of the assessment tools to measure how effective the learning has been for the students. In fact, it has been used so often in a lot of subjects I was worried that we would produce more ‘talkers’ than ‘doers’. The trend has started to show up as the materials for presentation have become easily available and students are getting comfortable talking and telling us what they would do rather than showing us what they have done. Most of them will get away with unfinished systems and poor presentations due to lack of proper assessment and lopsided evaluation criteria.

The most disturbing part is to sit there and listen to dull and boring presentations one right after another; almost like the same presentations over and over again. More disappointing are the ones coming from postgraduate students. The language is upside down with grammars and pronunciations are all over the place. If the language is difficult for you why can’t you spend a bit more time double check the grammar or the spelling of the words that you are going to shoot on the wall. That shows not the language disability but lack of concern for good presentation---‘pemalas’ would sum up perfectly. English is hard for me too, until this day, but I work for it and give a little bit of my time to check and edit my writing. And believe me if you work hard enough you will come to a point where you will LIKE the language. It helps you express your inner thoughts in a profound manner.

Anyway, for a good presentation your slides must contain :

1. Less texts
2. more images/graphics
3. minimal blink-blink

and when you do the talking please remember that : NEVER to read your slides. Anybody can read the slides so if you just stand there and start reading the slides you will put your audience into the most agonizing state of mind, not too long they will start talking and make their own presentation at the back. What you can do is to EXPLAIN the slide; face the audience and talk to them. OOOOooo that’s so hard, I can’t say things in English……well then PREPARE before you come and DO your HOMEWORK! That is the only way, no short cuts to learning/success. In case you haven’t figure it out yet. Good Luck!

A game called “democracy”

2010-04-19T12:04:00.002+08:00

In this modern day and age no one dares to neglect the so-called “democracy”. A game that we all play so that in the end some one will win and the losers will go home thinking that the game was fair and square. But in reality we are all scared to death when we play the game. Both sides have every bit of a chance to win and for whatever it takes we can not afford to lose. The subject at stake could be anything from small to enormously huge; and we are mean sometime….the future of a nation could be put at stake. But in the name of the game called “democracy” that is very civilized. So we play along with millions of our money spent(some goonies even spent rm77 millions of poor people money to see one black man in a white house and prove he can play the game very well!) and sometime the lives of our countrymen lost to protect the stupid game. We endured the challenges so the world will see us as one of them not some barbaric bunch of people doing their own little things. I call this democracy thing a game because of its very nature where people can be very good at it, manipulate everything to win his cause and get away with clean hands----fair and square? For the uninitiated that’s the way how democracy goes but for a seasoned player it’s the game people play---so win the game to champion democracy. Ironically, democracy is so generic that you can put any mask on it and people still can identify it as the true nature of a modern and civilized world.

I had a brief experience leading a small association and wanted so badly to play this game called “democracy” right to the letters. I did not “play-play” or get into the hanky-pangky of things just played it bare and plain. I even put up a blank face so everyone can relate and let the democracy things play the role in every aspect of our decision making process. It was naively stupid thing to do and ended up a sore loser, isolated to lick the bleeding wounds. People don’t play the game that way as I later found out; for people to play their hearts out the game must be fun and interesting. Just like any other game it would be dull and boring if everyone play by the rules, right? People look for a good fight, a back-stabbing drama, some good ‘ol ass-kicking, name-callings, fcukers and suckers…..or something along that nature. And if you are not that kind of person better stay out of this game. Last weekend I had an opportunity to attend meeting to select a surau committee at my housing area. It’s a small surau but even here the game of democracy is played so well I thought it’s a joke. It was well planned with call for meeting well in advance and preparation to register voters being done so well. I thought we have all matured over the years and this gonna be a really “fair and square” game. How naïve I could ever be? Over the years people do not grow up in this but have got better and better manipulating it. I laughed myself although I did not find it funny at all. We were “told” to wait for the signal then cast the vote accordingly. Never go against the majority or refute the chairman. Apparently the chairman had understood the situation on how the meeting would end. And so the meeting went without any “glitches and bumps”. Everyone was happy. And that includes those who were not there but got nominated and won! As if no one among all 200 who attended the meeting is no better than those people. What a joke!
A clear indication that there is an invisible hand trying to squabble with the running of our surau. Maybe I sound a bit disappointed for not being nominated myself but honestly that is not it. Time and time again we are talking about the liberty of our own thoughts and actions without any influence from outside people; this is it . If those nominations have been premeditated, supported and won; we can never be free. The real democracy is to free our minds and actions from any foreign influence where we decide what we want and who we want to do it. We set our own agenda and execute it to the best of our ability for our own good. If in this small isolated exercise we still depend on others to make decisions then by God in Heavens when are we going to learn. We can never be free.

I am new to the surau and its surrounding community; but now I have a clear picture on how things are run and executed. The true picture is as ugly as I never thought it would be. How the minds are manipulated and the actions are fabricated. How some people have gone all the way to protect everything they believe have their names on it; for them to make sure things are as they should be. Forgetting that the surau is a public place (a house of God) for everybody to come and worship the God they believe in. So that it will not fall into some false hands that will lock it down for some strange reasons. Maybe there is a hidden agenda to foresee a bigger cause that will happen in a distant future. I don’t know but I am still soaking up the meaning of it all and the reasons behind the results after that fateful meeting.

Not far from here in Hulu Selangor, people are facing a bigger and more serious picture of the same game called “democracy”. But the clash between two or more ideologies would make the game over there more interesting and relevant to reality. A lot of seasoned players will converge to put up shadow plays and pick up some credits for their own self along the way. In the end the quiet town of KKB will remain quiet and people will be left to pick up the garbage left by the town folks as they leave for their luxury homes in the city. Just like after any other game, the players as well as the spectators will leave the field with their winning smiles or wounded hearts. No one remains except the local people wondering what do they get from all of this mess?

EGM at Surau Al Taqwa Seksyen 7 Shah Alam

2010-04-04T16:46:00.005+08:00

So it’s the time again that we will pick the surau committee to manage and organize all activities at the surau to benefit the surrounding community.It seems uneventful but believe me the meeting will be a hot one. There’re already lobbying activities going on as the event is still more than two weeks away. There are people who will go all the way to make sure their team will sit in the committee. I mean what is there to fight after all this is only a surau. Well folks this is no ordinary surau and sect 7 shah alam is no ordinary community.That’s what they say, whatever that means. For me it’s just like any other surau and I go there to do my prayers, that’s all.Some people want the surau to be something else and when a lot of things are going on; the surau will be a bit complex in nature.I guess that will be good for everyone including myself so I shouldn’t be complaining.

So far the surau is doing fine. The ceramahs are on most of the time and the five daily prayers are gaining more safs everytime. The Ramadhan and Qurban were celebrated without a miss; so if I had it my way I would have just retained the old committee and get on with our regular activities.The committee has lined up a few big names that have come our way such as the Mufti of Perak, Ust Hassan Mahmood al hafiz, Ust Ravi, Ann Wang Seng, YB Dr Zul, YB Dr Mujahid, YB Rantau Panjang in addition to our monthly Kuliah from Ust Nazmi, Ust Amran, Ust Aleh, Ust Halim Din, Ust Azahar UIA, Ust Heryanto, Ust Muhaimin, Ust Fadhil, and a few others. It was quite active and every night it has become a routine to prepare for the kuliah as the timetable is available 1st day of the month. It’s hard to keep your notes updated as each ustaz will see you once a month and by the next lesson you may have forgotten the last one. A new and more structured way of learning should be in place and this is one thing that I would like to see done by the new committee.

I moved to Section 7 about five years ago and I’ve seen many things have changed at the surau over the years. Last time when I arrived for the solah (especially Maghrib) there would always be a circle just beside the entrance where people chatted and smoked. This is a regular scene at a surau in my kampong many many years ago. So when I saw it here I said Oh no not here also……everytime you want to go in then you have to greet every single one in the circle; especially if you are a new member of the community I really didn't feel comfortable with that because for me it is just nothing but a waste of time. Besides, I don’t smoke. But today alhamd that circle has disappeared, all the chairs are gone and people don’t sit around anymore. I think that’s a big improvement and, unless the new committee feels the need to reminiscent, things are good as they are.The surau is air-conditioned; very comfortable in fact that was the first surau I went into that has an air-conditioning system….only in Shah Alam. And the people are very generous; the tabung could see a few hundred dollars collected every night during the kuliah maghrib alone. The Gazza fund was nearly RM30K where RM17K was collected cash during that night alone. And every year they have a Golf tournament going on and that will contribute about RM12K to the surau fund. All these figures are posted at the surau for everyone to see. Very transparent indeed. And at the moment a renovation is going on and the surau will be spending more than 100K for that; about 50K came from the people and the rest was generously sponsored by a corporate individual.

I am proud to be part of this Surau---Al Taqwa Seksyen 7 Shah Alam.

The Collegiality and Congeniality Test

2010-04-02T17:17:00.003+08:00

Collegiality is the ability of faculty members to get along with each other and contribute to the collective good. It is a key component of success within the department and the higher education institution as a whole. Collegiality is also defined as “conducting oneself in a manner that does not impinge upon the ability of one’s colleagues to do their jobs or on the capacity of one’s instituion to fulfill its mission”.

Congeniality is the ability of being pleasant and friendly; agreeable, amiable, supportive and cordial; and possessing good and effective interpersonal skills.

This is to be my new knowledge that one has to pass the tests in order to be conferred a professorship in UiTM. I guess it is also new to everyone else as this is a pilot study. I am not sure about this exercise to tell you the truth. First of all who are we to judge their characters and personality. Second of all, even if you go ahead and put the down the ticks, how strong is it going to impact the decision. I am looking at the consequences a few years down the road. The guilt that would overcome you for the decision you had made. How long the borang will be kept safe and confidential ? I have returned the form personally so my name is forever there for anybody to go back and look at it. A professor might someday be the dean/ the boss with absolute authority to revisit the old records and all. I am worried that it will come back and make a full circle; and that evil urge to get even somehow crossed his/her mind. I don’t want to suck up and give everyone the best scores because if that’s the case then there is no need for this stupid survey, we just give away whatever scores they need. I want to give my objective and honest views but I’m gonna be very sad to see someone being downgraded due to my honesty. I am in a very difficult position.

Are we making things more difficult? Because as far as I know the procedures are as daunting as it can be already. The academic merit is difficult to gain already and now you want the candidates to go around and smile to everyone some more. And is it fair to deny the professorship just because of his/her weird personality? Be real folks! It’s not gonna happen. So in the end this exercise is nothing but making our lives more difficult.

...so that’s why I can understand if someone finds it a bit akward to fill up the form.

Ps: thinking how people would fill up my form...if that would ever happen!

A Good Weekend …

2010-03-29T00:20:00.001+08:00

1. Jogged a good distance with my wife(Sat and Sun).
2. Attended akikah at my friend’s house.
3. Did not spoil the class lecture although I had to wait for one hour for the students to turn up(Yes one hour!)---weekend class for part-timers is so pathetic!
4. A good reunion in the evening.
5. My daughter Aqeelah was back for the weekend with friend.
6. Took Ariefah to her drama practice.
7. Dropped Ahmad at his friend’s
8. Roasted chicken for lunch.
9. Successfully put up two blinds at the front porch(my primary weekend project)
10. Cleaned up my little garden (favorite!)

11. Drove Aqeelah back to college.
12. Picked up Ariefah and Ahmad back.
13. Stayed for kuliah Maghrib---a good one
14. still have some money left in the bank account (usually it’s gone before the actual month has not even started….)
15. and still got sometime to write up this blog

Nothing fancy but I like it because it’s STRESS FREE----isn’t that what “weekend” is all about!

Where has it gone?

2010-03-28T01:33:00.000+08:00

I am talking about my time. I don’t have the time to update my blog anymore. It is so frustrating. The day seems shorter than ever and the night is always the end of the day. Am I getting slower or does the world around me move faster? I am confused now. The thing is that I hate to have that “ things to do” list. People say that to manage your time well you need to have “lists”; so that you can arrange to do this and that properly. I have tried to follow that “things to do today” list and it’s just a daunting task for me. I felt like a slave of your own manifestation. I want to be free and surprise myself with “the last minute” decisions to do this and that. If I felt so lazy than be it; in my terms there is always the next time. Maybe you think that this is not a good habit; but you know what---the heck with it, I live my own life and don’t really give a damn about what other people think. Sounds like a grumpy ol’man, doesn’t it?

Time does fly fast. It would be faster if you wait for something. You wait for your son to get into school or your maid to arrive or your new car to drive. Do you know what would be the craziest and scariest wait of all? You wait for your retirement! Which has been on my mind for so many times. I wanted to avoid it but it just kept coming. For many of us retirement is for old people, very old indeed---it is the beginning of an end, of life!. I guess it is time to embrace the reality of life; the one like any other has the beginning and the end. It sounds so sad, doesn’t it? Well don’t be, because I am happy where I am now which is in the position to embrace the future. I love myself, my family and my friends; life just could not be better. For now I don’t fancy much, just a day without stress would be the happiest day for me.I don’t want to get busy doing other people’s task or making things up so you look busy. From dawn to dusk I would be with my thoughts; taking myself away from the stress-infested world around me.and at home after nine I would tell everyone that Abah has shut off for the day---no more noisy requests or reminders or news (good or bad), everything has to move over to tomorrow. No more business for the day.

I have no time to enjoy the TV anymore; which is my greatest hobby. Maybe some of you might want to know that in the old days the favourite hobby of any child on this planet is to watch TV. Another one is reading but that is just to cover up the fact that you are a lazy bum with no future. It is a rare scene nowadays to see me glued to the TV screen and laughed or cried with the show. For one there are too many channels to choose from, and second, nothing really excites me. With the heavy censorship you could hardly enjoy the exclamation of a feeling such as love…because it’s always sealed with a kiss. And a distorted kiss is just like a monkey puckering her mate…so distasteful. During my college days in the US, I like to watch American football. The game runs for three to four hours and I stayed on to enjoy it for the whole time. I just could not imagine to do that nowadays. I guess life has changed as you grow up. But there are a lot of stupid drama on TV….samarinda, lestari etc. The same old stories with the same old faces doing the some old stupid storyline. I really hate them; it’s very rare to get a good drama on air.

Anyway I cherish my good times with friends and family. I’ve made a few mistakes but most of the time I feel that I was protected. Alhamdulillah. And now I can see myself to be that old man with a white kupiah manning a counter of a kedai runcit in the remote village somewhere in Kelantan …..what a wonderful life!

Time to reconnect?

2010-03-11T14:25:00.000+08:00

The use of facebook , tweeter and other social networking has enable us to find and reconnect with old friends,ex-classmates, ex-students and ex-teachers. It is a very exciting moment to reconnect with the past again.After so many years of saying goodbye we have come back to meet again. I have enjoyed the moments in many occasions since I joined FB about a year ago. I have met my old friends again, my students from a decade ago and someone I met somewhere ( I was completely blank about this guy). The way the technology reconnects us all is amazing until you come down to the reality of things. I have experienced from A to Z of this reconnection thing; I mean, after a long while we saw each other again, reminiscent the old good times, consumed our newly re-established relationship with weekly meetings at the mamak stalls until we hated each other’s guts again. We since have gone separate ways again like we used to 20 years ago and God knows whether we have the time to meet again For now I am happy that we don’t see each other anymore. I realized that over the last 10-20 years we have changed. Life has taught us a lot of things about friendships, values, materials, goals ,thinking, and priorities. When we were a teenager/young adult a long time ago we hardly thought of those things; maybe the things we knew were to have good time and kick some ass for fun. Those were the “good times” that we are very excited to talk about when we reconnect. As if we try to escape from our hard and burdened adult life at the moment to the “easy,feeling times” of the yesteryears. There is nothing wrong; in fact I myself was so indulged into the excitements that I forgot to bring myself back to the current point and time. There was maybe a love episode that happened long time ago;and in that there must be love, hatred, broken hearts, and all ingredients of a good love episode. I did not realize that this episode would come back and haunt us all again. Now that we are married and all, a newly found long-lost love is not going to be pretty. The tears after the reunion is not going to heal the old wounds so easily; it will bleed silently with unbearable pain and agony. And believe me, a 40-year-old-man crying like a baby while driving back from a reunion dinner is not a pretty sight ( so don’t drag your spouse to a reunion party…a short story can be a very long one indeed!). There might also be other things start to pop up like the old scores that never been settled, some bullying incidents that you want to get back, loans that never been paid or punishment for things that you did not do. These things will prop up when the dust of excitement settled down.

One thing I learned was that our reconnection should be on our current terms; and not on “the old values”. If you are married now then the reunion activities should include the family; otherwise better not (just to make the story short). But then it’s no fun isn’t it, to have your kids running around when all you want to do is to recall that first love. A bit difficult to say exactly but you weigh down the goods and the bads and make your decision. This reunion thing is also a temporary bluff because after you realized that this guy or that guy never changed then you will have that half smile again and try to find the escape route to the men’s room. You will see someone try too much to show off that he/she is better than anyone else….duh! I really hate that someone.And the last thing to regret is that now you know you are so damn OLD! ….. nice to meet you again Bro!

A quiet afternoon in Madinah

2010-02-25T01:17:00.003+08:00

It was still scorching hot but the soft wind had made it bearable to walk the short distance to the mosque. People were streaming towards the mosque giving a sign of Asr prayer is about to begin. I stopped for a while amidst the chaos with sounds that I could hardly understand. But from the gestures I knew they were hasting to close the shop and hurry to meet the calling azan. For days I have been astonished to their daily life; how everything surrounds the prayers and the holy mosque. They seemed to be here forever but everyday I came across them, they were practically running towards the mosque. It’s not like they are leaving tomorrow and need to complete everything by today, I wondered. As if everyday is not enough for them spent time in the mosque. The streets are almost deserted by now; I was still there standing where I was, kinda shocked and at the same awed by the sights and the scenes very strange to me. The streets of Madinah were always empty except for a few cars and taxis ferrying people around. I guess that area where our hotel was located, was not that populated. I remember the last time I was there we stayed at an area where people were jam-packed the streets almost every hour of the day. But then I was thinking and feeling how it was back then more than 1400 years ago. Were the streets as empty as today? Oh my God I was standing on the soil of Madinah, the place where it was all started. The syariat of Islam,the revelations,the struggles of the prophet, the life and death of sahabah. I felt so warm and awed with the opportunity that day. This very spot could be where Abu Bakr rd, Umar rd, or Ali or uthman or any of the sahabah or even the prophet saw himself used to rush towards the call for prayers.

Underneath the shadow of the sky-reaching hotel buildings, once lied the mud houses of the people of Madinah-the ansar; lined along this very street where I was standing. Were there many merpati flying on-and-off the city square in those days? I saw myself surprised with the sudden feeling of belonging to the place where I was absolute foreign. I made my move towards the mosque, the steps became faster and faster, I knew why I came to this place and who was the one to meet….my beloved prophet.

O Rasulullah
I wish I could see you to show the proper of your sunnah
Or hear your voice to listen to the revelations
Or touch your heart to feel the purity of mankind
Or look at your smile for things heavenly

O sayyideel mursaleen
How awful was it to be alone in that cave
Contemplating the call to save humanity
For the brutality of life they created
Lost amidst the ignorance
That the words from you , ya Rasulullah
Could save from the fire of tomorrow

O habibullah
I was standing outside your place
Looking up the walls and the lights
Nothing compared to your time
When nights were long and dark
So save from the danger
To say a few prayers to Allah
People were pushing and shoving
To have some space
To say their love and longing
For the one they never met
But forever indebted

KL and I (1)

2010-02-19T18:31:00.004+08:00

My arwah Ayah was struggling to make ends meet and feed us all every single day of the year. I remember that very well since Ayah went away a few years ago. Besides working at the railway station Ayah was always talking about doing business. He would mix herbs, ground them with that old milling machine and "gotel" (mould with your fingers) into small bits that look like goat shit(tahi kambing) and sold them to his friends. So he did that for a while. Then he went into chicken rearing business where he built the chicken scoops all around our house until everything smelled like chicken shit. One time I remember him busy talking about doing business selling house wares in a far away city called KL. Wow! that must be one big city as Ayah kept talking about it day and night. He started buying the house wares soon after that and filled our living room with the stuff. They were that shining silverish thing that people use to wash hands----the small kettle with a basin. He bought it from Sg Golok and soon will take it to that big city called KL. I dreamt KL must be one nice place where people were tall, beautiful and wearing nice clothes.

I was about 7 years old when father got into that overcrowded mail train to KL. That was the most convenient transport to KL during that time. I was not aware of anybody going to KL by bus or by car----the Karak highway was notorious for being dangerous and difficult road to follow. So off he went to the place where he knew of no one and doing stuff that was uncommon to him. I remember for being so worried whether Ayah could make it there or not. He brought all of the stuff he bought with him; so how he could manage them all, I was thinking of Ayah. but I could do nothing other just waiting at the stairs for him to come back. School was suck so I would rather wait for Ayah than being scolded at school for being so slow. Besides no body bothered to ask me why I was always sitting by the front door. In a few days Ayah was back. I was glad to see him back safe and sound. I followed him around to hear his stories about KL but he never had time to tell me anything. I just overheard when they were talking about it after the meal; sneaked between the adults I listened about how long and difficult the journey was to KL. Father brought the stuff from one shop to another like a door-to-door salesman. When people asked, "where is your lorry?", he would say" over there at the corner.....". He walked all day selling the stuff. he never told us where he slept or rested as we did not have any relative staying in KL.....not that I knew of.

When I bumped into people selling keropok in Shah Alam I would remember Ayah and the days he went off to sell those housewares in KL. it must be very difficult but the poverty and family back home would push these people to the limits. Do you think they make millions? maybe just enough to pay the tickets back plus a few ringgit extra. bt the most interesting part is how KL opened up opportunity for Ayah and us to dream for a better life. Every single person coming to KL with a dream----to live a good life. When father came back from Kl we had a bit of celebration and that would be all nothing much had changed. He went back to his old job at the station and we were pretty much back to our routines. I wondered if the bussiness stinct in KL had done anything good at all; or maybe he failed and accumulated big debt. Knowing Ayah , he never talked about that to the family and I never heard about trip to KL anymore until he's gone.

KL and I (2)

2010-02-18T18:33:00.002+08:00

As a small kid from Pasir Mas, Kelantan, I always dreamt of KL as a city high above the clouds where people were rich , beautiful and elegant. I never had the opportunity to go there but wished someday would be able to walk down the famous street like Jalan TAR. KL , of course, was really a big-ass thing for me; well for anyone in Kelantan for that matter. If you were born in KL and came back for Hari Raya then everybody wanted to be friend with you; you would be regarded as clean, charming and highly intelligent. The KL accent would be highly prized and we the kampong boys listened to the way KL people talk like watching a live TV show; drooping and all without understanding a thing. So everbody wished to be from KL. In Kelantan , people from KL are regarded as “orang luar” (outside people); referring to those not accustom to our dialect and our way of life. That was some while ago as the term seems to be uncommon nowadays. But still when the Raya days came around ,the streets all over were clogged down and some foreign accents were in the air, we knew KL folks are back---“orang KL dah balik daa” ; we would somehow give ways and make ourselves invisible so that they can enjoy their balik kampong trip.

My first trip to KL was after the SPM exam when we were called for an English course in ITM (now UiTM). I remember for being so nervous as people said the trip was long and tiring. I bought a ticket on Mara Ekspres for the 8pm journey. During that time Mara just got a few new buses as the journey to KL had become more popular by bus. I looked at that new shining bus, elegantly parked in the station ready for the journey, and say to myself, “ I am finally free, I am going to KL”. The feeling was so big and enormous as if the world is mine. I don’t really remember why but that was the feeling. I guess as a student from a boarding school in Kelantan, I was so confined to the hostel and its little life and when the opportunity to go your own way like that trip; I was so relieved. The journey was not as bad as I was told; they got a TV on board showing a Hindi movie, so I was okay.That was also the time when Alleycat’s Sekuntum Mawar Merah started to become a hit. Those nostalgic moments will be back every time the song is on the air----aaaahhh feel so good ;I just want the song to stay on the air forever. We reached Puduraya by dawn and the hustle and bustle of city life had started to warm me up from the cold air on the bus. Now what? Where the heck is ITM? So I asked as the sun started to rise; revealing the true picture of KL.

KL and I (3)

2010-02-17T18:34:00.001+08:00

Some while ago ,I was in KL presenting a research finding to the big hot shots from a number of government agencies in Medan Mara. It was not going very well, you know, they did not agree with us and we just could not imagine that they were all too stupid to understand what we were talking about. You know stuff like which makes you feel like a big hammer is pounding inside your head. I was desperately seeking peace and quiet; just for myself. I sat myself down infront of the busy TAR street and kind of looking at people passing by. It’s kinda strange to be among so many people but still can find peace and quiet. Where do they all come from ? Each and everyone with his or her own unique appearance. Some were ultra modern while others were just plain shabby. An old Chinese man came by looking into the garbage can near where I was sitting. I mean after 52 years of independence there are still people rummaging through the garbage. It’s nothing wrong for doing that but there is a sign of desperation and hopelessness in there. I returned my focus to the street where more people are coming and going. Then there was a middle-aged Indian woman. A typical Indian woman with all kind of jewellery on her face, wearing a short-sleeved shirt with sarong and all. I found in her something interesting; somehow she fit into that picture naturally. They are the colors and faces of KL. So diversed and colorful. Have you ever wonder about their homes and family ? What will they have for dinner ? will they be pleased to go back to their family ? Do they have nice houses? Where exactly do they live ? I mean it’s nice to know somebody like that. Never mind I just sit here and look at people. A group of girls passed by… I mean boys … I was confused…..I took a look again.They were boys alright. They fooled me there for a minute. They dressed and walked like girls. Their faces were pretty and sweet and , you know what, they giggled as well. Oh dear ! apa la nak jadi dengan bebudak ni ? I reckon they must be around 14 or 15 years old. Aren’t they suppose to be at school ?

The time was about 4 in the afternoon. The streets around the area were getting busier. I went to meet up with my colleague and sat down to wait for others. A shabby looking man approached us. Mitok deghemo, cik (want to donate, sir). I shook my head and told him off. Quite arrogant, huh! But with a feeling having a big block pounding my head , I would not mind to punch anybody who got into my face. Wouldn’t you? My buddy on the other hand started a conversation with this man. He told us that he ‘s from Kelantan and came here to get some donations to fund his tahfiz(religious school) back home. Bit by bit the picture started to be clear. This man is genuine and his tahfiz school really needs the fund. I mean he ‘s here to get help and all he knew was to ask from people. A straight forward technique that needs neither strategy nor complicated plan of action . He didn’t know even to dress up for the task . All he’s got was guts and determination. I supposed when it comes to desperate measures everything goes. I flipped out RM2 for him….it’s good enough ,I was broke.

The War, The New Year's

2010-02-14T08:20:00.001+08:00

I was in the middle of a war, a soldier of some kind. But could not figure out which war was it or which party I was with. All I knew was to run for my life; running low to duck the spraying bullets. It was crazy out there, the explosion was deafening….boom….boom…I stopped for a breather. War is a crazy thing that humans have created out of greed and selfishness. The Romans were narrated for their war in Europe, the army of Alexander the Great roamed half the world to prove his right to the throne, then the barbaric Mongols came all the way to Baghdad to revenge for their beheaded ambassador, Salahuddin had finally defeated the crusaders and entered Baitul Maqdis after a long and costly standoff,Hitler wiped out the entire Jewish people from Germany in WW2 and the war in Iraq, Afghanistan and Palestine are some anecdotes of brutality that people have suffered now and then. But we never learnt from history, and with a little a motivation of security and a belief that your ass is in danger, a war is initiated. I guess it is a natural thing that people go to war. Some kind of hobby that empower the men to go and whack a stranger for some hypothetical reasons like a threat to our race or the entire nation. Looking back to all those grueling WW1 and WW2, the countries that got involved and sent all their young ass died for the country had somewhat evolved into a highly developed country like Japan, USA, UK or Germany. They all have suffered in the war, their people have suffered tremendously but then after the wounds have healed and the dust settled, they became the nations that command success in every aspect of their life. should we go to war for our success as well? Hold on to that thought because time has changed. Our forefathers have fought the British, Japanese, and Communists in so many bloody battles; and they have successfully defended the land that we can call our own. I guess we are going that path as well; the path that will make us learn what the war has taught the others.

A big boom exploded just above my head; and I thought how would I survive this war. The threats seemed to be everywhere the big one could even jolt me up from where I was. I opened my eyes and there I was lying on my bed looking up to the ceiling fan swinging lazily. It was just after midnight. Damn. It was people ushering the new year…and I thought I was in the middle of a war!

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone!

The Trial

2010-02-05T11:47:00.000+08:00

……that afternoon we met again, high above the city in a place so special to both of us; seems so far away from the rest of them, so secured to seal our love…and lust. Our eyes met, our hands shook, and my heart shuddered to the mighty fear that filled the room. He grinned with that eerie look on his face like the monster that keeps chasing me in my dreams. I tried to let go of my hands but they just got frozen in the painful squeeze of his big-ape palm. Ouch! I tried to be cute. The files, papers and some letters scrambled on the floor as I pushed myself away. I kinda expect what was coming but kept telling myself that I could handle this. Not to worry. The room was strangely dimmed for a business meeting or was it something else. “ are you ready, sir?” I asked as I pulled my pen opened. “O yes!” he pulled a seat beside me. We are always close with each other, like brothers I would say. I trust him with all my heart and soul. He put his arm around me and pulled me closer. I could feel his cheek and smell his breath. Very clean. manly. He whispered into my hair, can we play today? My heart pounding a thousand rhythms. Could this be true? I heard a desperate plea of loneliness. I looked into his eyes and saw a battered soul. I melted. This is just too much for me to bear. I am nobody. How could this happen to me? I looked up as if an angel is about to come and rescue me. Nothing. I was alone with tears running down my cheek. The mighty thrusts are coming on and I was not ready.”No you can’t do this to me, sir!” as I pushed him away. “Do what ?! I just wanna play, that’s all!, he assured me. I have seen that face before and heard that line too. He threw the towel and asked me to get myself ready….for the game. When I came back, he was ready. The lights, the bed, the curtains are all ready. I went to him . We hugged. The towels dropped and the game began ……

…the trial continues.

The racist in me

2010-02-03T14:13:00.000+08:00

Racial remarks have put people into a lot of trouble nowadays. What you say is what you think, what you think is what you feel and what you feel is what you are! Playing with race is a dangerous game (like what I am doing right now) that could put you in a tricky situation. People might hear something and understand different thing. You said something and the other guy misquoted you for whatever reason. And a lot of people will come at you and say something nasty. I guess time has changed in Malaysia; but, unfortunately, some people never change or refuse to change . They take the race cards and play the old games with the rules and colonial masters from the yesteryears. For so many years we frowned and felt so awkward if we come across such a gross remark, but people never walk out on you. When the situation demands such an action, we know it is just too much. We heard one thing about a good policy called 1Malaysia but we keep getting different other things in the contrary from the same group of people. It shows inconsistency and right out insincerity. People have faith in good policy but once it is betrayed you will have to pay so dearly. Your subjects are cleverer now compared to the last 50 years. How come you never learn? But it is a completely different story if people refuse to learn. Or maybe there is an unfinished business still warms inside you. Learn to let go then.

I am a Malay from the generation of post-independence. We missed the struggles and hardly remember the big riot in 1969. I grew up in Kelantan where everyone speaks the same regardless who they are. I had teachers from other races and learnt well all the way through. They got drunk a lot but I guess that the way they lived and got by. I grew up with my way and my life and their way with theirs. My family was poor alright but I never thought that was because I am Malay or anything. But some people like to make us think that was the work of the devil that don’t like me and anyone like me. I know now that’s wrong and just an excuse for not getting something. It’s natural to blame others for something you could not do or could not get. It’s human nature. For a start it’s okay I guess but then after so many years ( 52!) that definitely has to change. You’ve got to change and realize the world is not ours only. We learn history to plan the future and not to ‘relive’ the history. Things of the past should mould our thinking into a dynamic and robust future. I am Malay and will be Malay until the day I die; nothing will change that. Should I kiss the kris and declare that Malay will live forever? I don’t think so because I don’t see the need of that. Just like telling everybody that the sky is high and the ocean is blue..who’s gonna give a damn!

Last night we had a couple of visitors to our surau. One was a new Muslim who needed some money to go for his study and another one needed money for her health care. I looked at them; one was dark and skinny….very different from the rest of us and another one said she is from Orang Asli tribe; also looked very different from us. But the spirit in the surau last night was unique almost magical. Everyone chipped in and sent them home with handful of cash and loads of clothes. I mean I did not see the darkness of his skin or the awkwardness of his clothing, I saw a human being in dire needs, struggling to live. It’s easy to send them off and say that this is nothing but a scam to get our money. But we did not do that last night, I did not do that. I looked into his eyes and saw sincere hope for better future. I tried to convince myself that I had done the right thing. Don’t be so judgmental, whatever he’ll do with the money is his takings, you have done your duty. Come back and see us after you finished your study, OK. I told him under that dimmed surau lightings. He nodded and smiled. The bike took him away and disappeared into the darkness as my eyes followed the broken tail light. He waved goodbye. I guess that’s good enough for me.

The Clogged Artery, Majestic KLIA Mosque

2010-01-25T08:38:00.006+08:00

On Sunday we visited our uncle who's recuperating after a surgery. He is not yet forty and got the early warning after a stress test. One thing led to another and the next thing he knew ,he was lying on an operating table for an angioplastic surgery. The scary picture below is his right heart before the insertion and after.

(left) the arrow showing the part where the artery is clogged

(right) the artery repaired by inserting "a spring"

(click on the image for a bigger pic)

The Majestic KLIA Mosque

People Come, People Go

2010-01-21T17:53:00.001+08:00

Welcome To UiTM!

Hope your stay will be worthwhile ...

Taking the oath

All the smiling faces....enjoy your study!!

Good Luck to all !!~!

....and someone is leaving us...

Farewell PM Aminuddin

your kind heart will be forever remembered

pondering the best of times

will miss your advice and morning greetings

that has touched many hearts and souls

just a small token from us

to hang on your wall

from your "adik-adik" at FSKM

thank you from the bottom of our hearts

may ALlah bless you always

Hotel UiTM

21 January 2010

The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell

2010-01-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

This is one extraordinary novel that will keep you awake throughout the night thinking of what he has said in the book. A lot of ordinary things have been explained in different perspectives that would surprise you in many ways.

The tipping point, Gladwell explained, is the biography of an idea, and the idea is very simple. It is that the best way to understand the emergence of fashion trends, the ebb and flow of crime waves, or, for that matter, the transformation of unknown books into bestsellers, or the rise of teenage smoking, or the phenomena of word of mouth, or any number of the other mysterious changes that mark everyday life is to think them as epidemics. Ideas and products and messages and behaviours spread just like viruses do.

1. The Law of the Few : Connectors, Mavens, and Salesmen

He talked about how a few people around are connectors (the ones who know everybody in the community), mavens (who loves new gadgets and very particular about things around us) and Salesmen ( who can make you believe in something and put your money out to get it)

2. The Stickiness Factor; Sesame Street, Blue’s Clues
This factor will make you remember things and stick to your head for a long period of time. It gives an impact and make learning more meaningful.
3. The Power of Context : Bernie Goetz

How the environment will shape someone. He said it is better to live in a broken home within a good community rather than living in a good home within a broken neighbourhood. Bernie Goetz was a living proof of this phenomena.

4. The Power of Context : The Magic Number 150
Research shows that 150 is the ideal number for a community or an organization to function well. When the number grows larger it will be out of context and won’t function as expected.
It is so fascinating and you will be amazed on how the author can walk you through the streets of New York, the dirty subway on the chilling night of that merciless shooting and all the way to the Islands of Micronesia , reading the suicide notes from a young teenager.
I wish I could go back to page no.1 and start all over again.

How to make succulent ikan keli jelly soup for your cats!

2010-01-12T18:26:00.006+08:00

Are sure you want to do this ? Remember...this is for your CATS! OK not for your self. But if you like ikan keli(catfish) so much why not ? Since the cat food is so expensive nowadays, I made it myself for my cats. I just don't want them to feed on the kitchen garbage or the leftovers. I think this is more proper...if you love your cats. I usually feed them the biscuits but that also going up so have to save as well on that . This ikan keli jelly soup is much more cheaper than any catfood that you can find in the store.

The ingredients : 1kg of ikan keli (RM7.00), 1 can of sardine (RM4.60), 1 cup of corn flour (RM0.40) and 6 liters of water.

Steps :

Cut the catfish into pieces (about an inch long). Don't wash the fish; put everything into a medium size pot.
Fill the pot with 6 liters of water(or 3 of that big fruit juice bottles) .
Put the fish into the pot and bring to boil.
liquidate a cup of corn flour.
put the liquidated corn flour into the boiling soup and stir until you see the soup thickens a bit.
turn off the heat and leave it for a few hours or until it is cool off.
Open up a can of sardine and poke the sardines into pieces.
pour the whole can into the jelly soup and mix them up well.
fill up that plastic container with the jelly soup.
put them away in the fridge to let the jelly settles for about an hour or so.

The ingredient will fill up 10 plastic containers. Each container can feed about 3-4 adult cats for 1 meal/day. If you have 1-2 cats , find smaller containers to store your jelly soup.

This will last 10 days at about RM1.20 per day for my 3 cats and a few free loaders.

the cats love it very much .....

store them away in your fridge before you feed your cats. But if you want to give to them right away, make sure it is not hot.

This is Ruffy. Lazy and getting fat.

This one is Friday. She's been naughty lately and got herself pregnant. Expecting Frodo, Freida and Fraudy

and this is Sarafeena. so adorable

....and they all love my ikan keli jelly soup.

Gorgeous Sunrise in Dungun

2010-01-11T18:19:00.001+08:00

Beautiful Silver Hair Monkeys at Bukit Malawati

2010-01-10T17:57:00.003+08:00

Bukit Malawati is located in Kuala Selangor about 45 minutes drive from Shah Alam. We had an opportunity to drive up there for a breath-taking view of Kuala Selangor. We were welcomed by a group of silver hair monkeys. They were aggresive but not dangerous at all (I think!).

UiTM Dungun Di Hati Ku

2010-01-09T18:01:00.001+08:00

Maaf dari Sorga

2010-01-08T00:53:00.001+08:00

I usually grab an English novel without a second thought. I drool for the story like someone is thinking a chicken rice for lunch. It would get me pinned down to a sofa for two or three days. Well that’s when I got nothing to do during my college days. But nowadays it is painful just thinking of that because I can no longer afford to do it. Life just could not be like that anymore. I long for that cold winter days when I just kept myself wrapped up with a good novel. I love those stories about life and everyday problems that people face. I came across a Malay novel a few days ago lying around my living room and still in a wrap. I got into it and the rest is history. “Maaf dari Sorga” by Faisal Tehrani. It took me two days to know the meaning of that “maaf dari sorga”; why and for what reasons. I’m glad because that is one good piece of writing.

Historical Kuala Selangor

2010-01-06T17:49:00.000+08:00

Jawatan ini ...

2010-01-06T00:27:00.000+08:00

(untuk mereka yang baru naik pangkat dengan jawatan baru di tahun baru....)

Jawatan ini …..
waLaupun tak sebesar mana
adalah amanah untuk dilaksanakan
ujian untuk iman dan taqwa
agar tak lagha..dengan kuasa dan reputasi

Jawatan ini ….
walaupun tak sebesar mana
sudah cukup buat insan
lupa diri dan agama
lupa kawan dan taulan
dunia adalah dia punya
macam ingin hidup ribuan tahun

Jawatan ini…
Walaupun tak sebesar mana
Menagih umur dan masa
Sampai rumah tangga jadi litang pukang
Anak2 merintih bersama buku Iqra
Yang tak mampu dibaca
Orang dirumah termenung
Mengenang dapur yg tak berasap
Menunggu nasi yang tak bejamah
Adakah lagi hari esok
Menanti ria berumah tangga
Menunggu dan membebel
Akhirnya …. Mencari sepi di kedai mamak

Jawatan ini..
Walaupun tak sebesar mana
Jangan jadi penghalang amal
mesyuarat tak berhujungan
sehingga bersolat di akhir waktu
appointment berpagi2an
hingga luput dhuhanya

Jawatan ini..
Walaupun tak sebesar mana
Cukup indah tak terkata
Tapi kita kan ditanya dan diasak
Pasal tugas dan tanggung jawab
Setiap detik dan masa
Adakah kerna tuhan atau manusia !

Shah Alam
6 Januari 2010

A good start …maybe?!

2010-01-04T17:21:00.002+08:00

A new term begins today in UiTM with many many promising faces. Glowing for a bright future ahead. They usually do in the beginning of the semester. But somehow or rather the beaming faces fade away towards the end. I really want to know why. Because when I was a student the motivation dispersed into the thin air due to bad jokes from the lecturer or disgusting results from the tests. I am sure with a little effort from within they can pull this off to the end and came out with glory. I am optimistic because with me today was a group of repeaters. Some gave me the “fed-up” look but many were very enthusiastic. I did not promise anything to them as I am afraid I just could not deliver. But generally I know what is wrong here and deep inside I can feel the way to fix it. It’s like having an old car that breaks down so often. After sometime you know when it will break down again from the sound of it and you know where and how to fix it. You have been fixing it for a zillion times, even with your eyes closed, you can feel the parts and fix it. That what happened today . As I glimpsed through the faces , answered their questions and read their comments, I think I have a pretty good idea where to start. I felt warm and energized. A sign of a good start. InsyaALlah.

Al-Arqam : A dream of perfections

2010-01-03T23:30:00.005+08:00

Dream is full of nothingness that leads to hopelessness. Every time we dream of something, the mind extenuates the hopes and promises that far from reality. We dream of a perfect world with good people smiling beautifully to each other, strolling in the park among the leafy greenery with family and friends. We dream of all nice people living harmoniously without conflicts and confrontations. We dream of the world beyond reality. Then there were people whom would wake up and realized it was just a dream; while others would wake up and live up to their dreams. You can find the latter ones among the members of Al Arqam. When I was in a secondary in Kelantan, we had a biology teacher who followed Al-Arqam. We never treated him as deviant but, on the contrary, as the one highly respected. He never preached the teachings in the class but we were persuaded to join his usrah. I respected him a lot and fascinated with his life; so simple but full of happiness.

with Zulkifli Abdullah, Cikgu Baharom (My Biology teacher) and me in 1981

That was my naïve judgement of a teenager towards the teacher he loved so much. On a biology trip to the beach of Semerak, he brought along his wife wearing the purdah and all. I had never seen a woman covered like that in my life so was quite surprised. I saw in them the perfectness of life as a Muslim. The relationship grew warmer and my friends and I never missed his usrah. The seniors in the school saw our close relationship with the teacher and showed their growing concern. They explained what Al Arqam is and the teachings that they practiced. They even brought us to meet Ust Uthman El Muhammady so we could seek detail clarifications. At that time Ust Uthman was in Tal Tujuh ,Pasir Mas where he headed a dakwah group as well similar to Al-Arqam. He was a friend of Ust Ashaari and due to conflict of ideas they departed and went separate ways. Apparently Ust Uthman knew Ust Ashaari and his teachings very well. But for me Al-Arqam was bigger than life. I attended a program once with arwah Ust Muhktar, once a strong man in Al-Arqam. They had ceramah, selawat and nasyid. The nasyid was fantastic but it seemed so strange to me at that time as we don’t sing in the mosque but how come these people made it like it’s all okay. It was mind-boggling but the confusion left some pride in me that Islam is good; it provides space for someone like me. But as we all know, the story ended sadly with the ban in 1994. For some the struggles continue but they can never been the same anymore.

Started off my 2010 reading with this book.

A couple of days ago I had a chance to sit in a kuliyah given by Ann Wang Seng. A prominent Chiness Muslim preacher. He’s written a book entitled “ Rahsia Al- Arqam”. The book “reveals” the open secret of Al-Arqam. The interesting part is not about the revelation but the nostalgia that has brought me back to the good old days. I flipped through the pages and history started to unfolds. They were sweet and defining moments that shaped my thoughts and taught me the meaning of life. The bits and pieces of life.

ps: looking for "Ummi dan Abang Syeikhul" novel by Shahnon Ahmad. anyone?

PMR 2009 : Imtiaz Besut Is The Best in Malaysia (SMKA Categrory)

2009-12-25T12:12:00.003+08:00

Many many congratulations to the students and staff of Imtiaz Besut for coming out the first in SMKA category. My daughter Nabiela Husna studies there and she also has scored brilliant A for all 9 subjects. AlhamduliLlah.

Some school photos here
Imtiaz Besut Website here
Read Pesan Abah here

Finally I Can Let It Go

2009-12-19T13:55:00.002+08:00

The stormy Friday night saw me looking anxiously for Bukit Kiara Equestrian & Spa Resort. I wish it had everything to do with horses or getting into the mud bath;but not this event, it drained so much of my energy. Tonight I will let it go …. for good. The place hosted our EGM when the AGM was deserted by the majority of the members. I was the president of an alumni association and my tenure ended when the motion passed later that night. What a relief! Usually people hang on to the post for a couple of terms but I just could not wait to let go. Not because I hate the association or its missions but I found some ugly piece of stinking hearts in souls that were making pathetic smiles all around me. I felt being cheated, hated and disgusted all the time. Do all leaders get them? Why can’t we respect our leaders for once? But for the majority respect has to be earned not given. I think that was my problem …I did not know how to earn respect It’s hard…too damn hard for me. I rarely spent time at the mamak stall until 2-3 in the morning to “layan” friends; if that is one of the ways to earn their respect. Or give money away because I don’t have the liberty to do so. Or talking like you know everyone in the upperclass and know everything because I don’t lie. I don’t know how to lie. Even my children will know when I made something up. So I was deserted. Emotionally I was okay because being alone gives me freedom to work out my own ideas but technically it was a disaster; you can’t, not even for another million years to do it alone. It does not work that way. I always prayed for the strength to hang on but the challenges were huge and I have no energy or support to fight back. It’s time to let go.

This is politics and it was dirty as hell. The reason I joined the association was to give back to the alma mater. Its theme says it all –“kembali berbakti”(return to give back); so the idea of giving back really touched my heart. I have no good memories during my schooling years ; no medals or awards for high achievements, but to help out is not really a problem. By helping out, the attachment grew stronger and stronger. I was so mad at it until I was ready to risk it all. That was the time I braced myself and ran for the presidency. Many people underestimated my will ( well this happens through out my life actually); even my close friends did not vote for me. But fate has it and I was elected president. The horror film has just begun and in many horror movies this is the part where the innocent guy has yet to realize that he is the victim. Looking all too naïve and going around as if everything is tip top. But the zombies are all around waiting to take the taste of your flesh. I pretended not believe that and everyone was my friend. I guess that was my biggest mistake; to trust everyone including my enemy. I realized now that I should have a few layers of friends: loyal friends, trusted friends, sweet talking friends, teh tarik friends, back stabbing friends, munafik friends, wicked witch friends etc. I did not do that and treated all as my trusted friends. How wrong that was and I am paying the price. Licking the wounds like an old lion lost in the battle fight. I hope this is the lesson for me from Allah to test my iman and my faith.

New Hijrah Year 1431

2009-12-17T14:26:00.001+08:00

At Pusat Sains Negara (National Science Center)

2009-12-17T13:20:00.001+08:00

an ancient astronomy equipment used by great Islamic scholars

another astronomy equipment

the planet earth

One of the scientists portrayed in the gallery;unfortunately not many Islamic scientists being posted in the gallery. I guess the Science Center is still run by the western minded people where Islamic scholars have little reputation in the scientific world. and the shool children came to the Center by bus loads. Very disapointing indeed.

The molecules stacked in the corner more like in the scinece lab storage room rather than a science center.

The chemistry elements, I have forgotten some this stuff but still find it very interesting.

The planets

My children trying out the jigsaw puzzle of Monalisa

I don't really know what this face is doing in the Science Center. Looks like an old chinese medicine man or something

The big eye ....